Fear of Men

[Seyranna]

To complement my first post in the thread I'd like to point out that I was scared of men a lot prior to transition but mainly because I grew up in the ghetto where I was constantly at risk of being mugged and stabbed... As a guy if you pass in front of a group of thugs you will most likely experience bullying or get mugged or worse but as a woman when I pass in front of a gang of thugs they simply check out my ass, whistle at me and stuff like that I don't feel vulnerable or anything.

[Shantel]

To complement my first post in the thread I'd like to point out that I was scared of men a lot prior to transition but mainly because I grew up in the ghetto where I was constantly at risk of being mugged and stabbed... As a guy if you pass in front of a group of thugs you will most likely experience bullying or get mugged or worse but as a woman when I pass in front of a gang of thugs they simply check out my ass, whistle at me and stuff like that I don't feel vulnerable or anything.

So far so good, fortunately there hasn't been any rapists in the crowd. Nothing wrong with being self assured though, good for you lady!

[Janae]

First off congrats Giselle on starting your transformation! Im jealous. lol.

Thanks Jacqueline!!

Don't be, I still have a loooooong ways to go. LOL

[Christine]

There are several of us who have a fear or anxiety around men. Now and in the past. That's interesting.  Is this a common theme for us?  Looking retrospectively, could it be this may have been a contributing factor to our GD? Never thought about that before. Perhaps the inability to relate to men, the anxiety over men or the recognition of our significant differences with them somehow influenced our feelings of alienation from the male gender. I can say I have always felt disconnected from men.

[Alainaluvsu]

To complement my first post in the thread I'd like to point out that I was scared of men a lot prior to transition but mainly because I grew up in the ghetto where I was constantly at risk of being mugged and stabbed... As a guy if you pass in front of a group of thugs you will most likely experience bullying or get mugged or worse but as a woman when I pass in front of a gang of thugs they simply check out my ass, whistle at me and stuff like that I don't feel vulnerable or anything.

Ooo guhl! Let me hollatcha. Oh u gon walk away? That's right behbeh shake DAT ass!!"

[Riley Skye]

I feel the same, usually a bit anxious mainly because I can never relate to any typical male conversations so i just smile and nod. My biggest fear is that some men I'd come out to would take it as a challenge to their masculinity or something. Hoping I won't meet many people who would try to do anything bad but just got that fear

[jacqueline_rose]

There are several of us who have a fear or anxiety around men. Now and in the past. That's interesting.  Is this a common theme for us?  Looking retrospectively, could it be this may have been a contributing factor to our GD? Never thought about that before. Perhaps the inability to relate to men, the anxiety over men or the recognition of our significant differences with them somehow influenced our feelings of alienation from the male gender. I can say I have always felt disconnected from men.

But how are we supposed to date them? (those of us that want to.) I want to be with a man in the end, but I cant interact with them. Added to that the fact that our bodies are changing and most of them have a very founded sense of male and female. Id love to know that theres someone out there for me, but the few I have met that are interested are just looking for sex. filthy perverts just piss me off and I ignore them, but is there anyone else?

[A]

There are several of us who have a fear or anxiety around men. Now and in the past. That's interesting.  Is this a common theme for us?  Looking retrospectively, could it be this may have been a contributing factor to our GD? Never thought about that before. Perhaps the inability to relate to men, the anxiety over men or the recognition of our significant differences with them somehow influenced our feelings of alienation from the male gender. I can say I have always felt disconnected from men.

It's always hard to say with certainty which of two correlated phenomena causes the other. There might be in-between responses, too, where they each promote each other.

Though from the little I know, I think fear of men affecting GID is less likely than GID affecting fear of men. The reason to that is that mostly, social preferences and such are often learned. People with a fear of dogs often, whether they remember it or not, have a triggering event (or more) in their past that caused or exacerbated it, for example.

Another reason is that although not so many and still not established in the scientific community, there is quite a few studies that show that the root cause of transsexualism might be mismatched sex hormone rates in the womb when the sex organs and brain developed, independently of environmental factors. So if the situation is that simple [doubtful], we'd be more or less doomed from birth, whether or not men scare us when we're old enough to know what a man is.

PS: Okay, grammar help, please. There is a few, or there are a few?

[eli77]

PS: Okay, grammar help, please. There is a few, or there are a few?

Are. The subject "a few" is plural. There is one. There are a few.

[A]

Okay. It's "there is a lot" that confused me, since there's one lot of many things.

[Sia]

There are several of us who have a fear or anxiety around men. Now and in the past. That's interesting.  Is this a common theme for us?  Looking retrospectively, could it be this may have been a contributing factor to our GD? Never thought about that before. Perhaps the inability to relate to men, the anxiety over men or the recognition of our significant differences with them somehow influenced our feelings of alienation from the male gender. I can say I have always felt disconnected from men.

I don't want to dismiss or invalidate the special feelings and experiences that come with being MTF, but as someone who's been raised as a girl, I can tell you that if you were to gather a hundred cis women in a room and ask them "raise your hand if you're the least bit afraid of men" less than a handful of them would keep their hand down. I only ever knew one woman who I'm sure wouldn't have raised her hand - she once sent a guy to the hospital after bludgeoning his face with her stiletto heel because he tried to steal her purse in the street.

In the society we live in, assuming the worst of men in the back of your mind when you present as a woman is not a case of paranoia or an irrational phobia, it is a basic survival skill. I'm not saying that all men are dangerous or pigs, but statistics can't be ignored. It's better than going in assuming they're all decent human beings and finding out they aren't the hard way.
If this fear is new and appeared post-transition, I'm afraid you may be just discovering one of the less pleasant aspects of the universal woman experience. It sounds awful but you do get used to it.

If the fear some of you experience is in any way related to your physical safety, I strongly recommend self-defense classes - there's a bunch of good videos on youtube if you can't afford them too. Having the intimate knowledge that you could very well defend yourself should the need arise gives a tremendous boost of confidence

(Sorry ladies for butting in if this thread/forum section is implicitly MTF-only, or if my input was unwanted and unneeded! I'm still learning the ropes around here and can't ever tell when people actually just wanted a friendly ear to vent  )

[Christine]

Welcome and you certainly haven't stepped on my toes with your post. That's good information to know. Thanks. Maybe we are realizing we are targets as female and feel a natural anxiety.

[Annah]

I love men too damn much to fear them

I don't have any fear towards a person because of their gender.

And btw...no...i dont think it's a common theme for trans people to fear men....nvr heard of that until i read this thread...and ive been around quite a bit of transgender people

And honestly...some of "you alls" comments are about as offensive as someone saying "transgender people scare me because they could rape me in a bathroom" (some of the comments makes me want to facepalm). Ive seen women do horrible things too. My argument isn't directed towards those who fear men (u should get that looked into) but for the armchair statistical experts

In conclusion, i do fear people who assume too much

[eli77]

Okay. It's "there is a lot" that confused me, since there's one lot of many things.

"There is a lot" would depend on the thing there is a lot of. There is a lot of studying. There are a lot of studies. "A lot of" is being used as an adjective referring to quantity.

But "there is one lot of many things" is also correct. Because in this case you are using "lot" as a noun. Meaning: A particular group, collection, or set of people or things.

"There are a few" is simpler because "few" can only modify a plural subject. And... there is a typo in my original post which probably isn't helping. Should say "the subject of 'a few' is plural." Sorry.

[Kevin Peña]

I don't think you should fear men, so much as bad people//actions. A man in and of himself isn't scary. The possibility that he might stab me after pulling a knife on me, however, would be, for example. I know a lot of good, albeit weird, men. Then again, I've never been one to talk.  I love good men (in love with a great one now), dislike the bad ones, but never really feared any, if that makes sense.

Oh, and in regards to the original post--> I don't think men are all judging you. Just remember that people honestly don't care about judging every detail of every person they meet, especially men with their 5-second attention span. (Kidding  ) Maybe you're just being paranoid and looking for things that aren't there? 

[A]

As for me, I don't really fear men because I think they might be violent towards me. Who knows, it might stem from the questionable things my father did, but not consciously. I'm just uncomfortable with them, just because. It's hard to explain.

[pretty]

There are several of us who have a fear or anxiety around men. Now and in the past. That's interesting.  Is this a common theme for us?  Looking retrospectively, could it be this may have been a contributing factor to our GD? Never thought about that before. Perhaps the inability to relate to men, the anxiety over men or the recognition of our significant differences with them somehow influenced our feelings of alienation from the male gender. I can say I have always felt disconnected from men.

I guess but I think it might be the other way around (GID causing fear of men). I just feel like being expected to behave like a man but having nothing in common with men really gave me a complex. Idk. It felt like... being a spy in a hostile place? Or something. + I was bullied a little as a child/preteen because my body looked feminine. I still haven't been to a swimming pool since (but then I am just self conscious about my body as a pre-op anyway). Lol

I don't want to dismiss or invalidate the special feelings and experiences that come with being MTF, but as someone who's been raised as a girl, I can tell you that if you were to gather a hundred cis women in a room and ask them "raise your hand if you're the least bit afraid of men" less than a handful of them would keep their hand down. I only ever knew one woman who I'm sure wouldn't have raised her hand - she once sent a guy to the hospital after bludgeoning his face with her stiletto heel because he tried to steal her purse in the street.

In the society we live in, assuming the worst of men in the back of your mind when you present as a woman is not a case of paranoia or an irrational phobia, it is a basic survival skill. I'm not saying that all men are dangerous or pigs, but statistics can't be ignored. It's better than going in assuming they're all decent human beings and finding out they aren't the hard way.
If this fear is new and appeared post-transition, I'm afraid you may be just discovering one of the less pleasant aspects of the universal woman experience. It sounds awful but you do get used to it.

If the fear some of you experience is in any way related to your physical safety, I strongly recommend self-defense classes - there's a bunch of good videos on youtube if you can't afford them too. Having the intimate knowledge that you could very well defend yourself should the need arise gives a tremendous boost of confidence

(Sorry ladies for butting in if this thread/forum section is implicitly MTF-only, or if my input was unwanted and unneeded! I'm still learning the ropes around here and can't ever tell when people actually just wanted a friendly ear to vent  )

Thanks

I think it is both physically and psychologically motivated. I understand why a lot of other cis girls would fear men too. I think it's just that plus the added stress of being forced into the male social role which WOULD normally mean interacting with men a lot (but not in my case because it just meant avoiding men in the end...) while not having any common ground with them.

Self-defense classes are probably a good idea but tbh I hate fighting type things  it really sounds unpleasant so I will just be careful.

I don't think you should fear men, so much as bad people//actions. A man in and of himself isn't scary. The possibility that he might stab me after pulling a knife on me, however, would be, for example. I know a lot of good, albeit weird, men. Then again, I've never been one to talk.  I love good men (in love with a great one now), dislike the bad ones, but never really feared any, if that makes sense.

Oh, and in regards to the original post--> I don't think men are all judging you. Just remember that people honestly don't care about judging every detail of every person they meet, especially men with their 5-second attention span. (Kidding  ) Maybe you're just being paranoid and looking for things that aren't there? 

Well I think it's just like... around a girl I know we will probably have at least something in common and probably be both willing to get along and there's not gonna be any weird feelings but with men it just feels so unpredictable.  Well it's better and worse now that I am FT... before I was afraid they would think of me as like their "buddy" or something and start expecting things.

I guess now it is the opposite, I don't know what they are going to think about me but maybe they will be too into me/creepy... luckily right now I go everywhere with my bf 

[tekla]

In the society we live in, assuming the worst of men in the back of your mind when you present as a woman is not a case of paranoia or an irrational phobia, it is a basic survival skill. I'm not saying that all men are dangerous or pigs, but statistics can't be ignored. It's better than going in assuming they're all decent human beings and finding out they aren't the hard way.

Statistics are being ignored.  Violence is not equalized geographically, nor in terms of class/social standing.  Though some people live in constant fear, there are large amounts of people who live lives with little to no fear.  Down on Turk and Taylor I don't trust anyone (outside of my crew).  Not the men, not the women (1/3 harmless, 1/3 crack/drug dealers, 1/3 drug addicted whores), not even the police - because the cops don't need you / and man they expect the same.  I'm hyper-aware at all times and I try to know where everyone within 10 yards of me is exactly and where they are moving to.  Nothing is more conducive to getting in trouble than walking around dazed and confused.

But hey, get me back in Sonoma Country, West Sonoma County in particular, and none of that stuff is in my head - not even anywhere near it.

Parking lot of a concert two hours after the show is over can be bad, research library at a major university, not so much.  Mostly it has to do with being alert and being aware of where you are and knowing that all things are not equal.  All men don't act the same, and in fact, few act the way you depict.





I strongly recommend self-defense classes - there's a bunch of good videos on youtube if you can't afford them too. Having the intimate knowledge that you could very well defend yourself should the need arise gives a tremendous boost of confidence
Me too, but in order for them to work you really have to work at it - hard - for a long time.  Sure you might get a trick move in on some drunk fool, but against any real thug you better be practicing it at the same level and rate your attackers do if you hope to come to a draw.   And skip the video, anyone you could defeat by watching a video could have been defeated without just as well.  Self-defense works only if you do it seriously, and constantly. 

[Sia]

I think it is both physically and psychologically motivated. I understand why a lot of other cis girls would fear men too. I think it's just that plus the added stress of being forced into the male social role which WOULD normally mean interacting with men a lot (but not in my case because it just meant avoiding men in the end...) while not having any common ground with them.

Self-defense classes are probably a good idea but tbh I hate fighting type things  it really sounds unpleasant so I will just be careful.

Oh definitely, as I said I didn't want to imply that it was the same thing for you, sorry if I came off as insensitive. I can't possibly know what it's like to walk in your shoes, but I understand why it might be different for trans women. I've always been really uncomfortable in all-women situations too, but I guess it's probably not the same thing at all.

Tekla > Yeah, I know that there's a lot of unexpressed variables in those stats, and of course context should be taken into account. I'm not saying that it's okay and expected for women to be afraid of all men all the time regardless of the relative safety of the actual situation. I just meant that, on average, women (or assigned-as-woman people) tend to be more wary of strange men than other men tend to be.

I don't really know what you meant by "few act the way you depict" because I didn't give any examples or mentioned specific behaviors. Of course only a few men truly are bad, but more than a few don't always realize when they're being too pushy in their attempts to be helpful/friendly/flirty - and when you're on the other side and can't tell which category they fall into, it's natural to be cautious (it can become a vicious circle though).

As for the self-defense videos, I didn't mean just watching them and expecting to get anything from it, I meant using them to practice with someone. It's not as effective as taking classes, but you can still get something from it.
I mentioned it more for the boost of confidence one can gets from it than for actually expecting to put it into practice.


Anyway, sorry for butting in and derailing the thread, I'll go back to my semi-lurking 

[V M]

Anyway, sorry for butting in and derailing the thread, I'll go back to my semi-lurking- Sia

No need to go into lurking Sia    Welcome to Susan's, your opinions have just as much value as anyone's

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