Doubts! Tell us your doubts!

[peky]

Peky, girl, I'm sure you look fierce! Just strut your stuff and let your confidence shine. 

Gracias chica!!!

[AmyBee]

I'm worried that even if hormones do a wonderful job, and if I manage to lose the weight I'm trying to, and I get FFS, that my basic build is still too big to ever pass reliably.

I'm also worried how the above will affect my work future.

[Brooke777]

The other day i bought myself a pretty striped dress, junior large! First time I have purchased a junior dress. I always consider them to risky for an old lady like me.

So, I came home, and change into it, then I parade in front of the mirror, and saw this very sexy attractive woman, WOW I thought "I am Hot."

Then doubts assaulted me, what if only I can see myself like that, what if other people are going to see a tubby old lady in a 2-sizes-to-small dress.

So, yeah, damn doubts

Don't call yourself old. Being old is relative to how you feel, not your physical age.

[peky]

Don't call yourself old. Being old is relative to how you feel, not your physical age.

yeah, I know, that is what doubts do to you, make you feel old and insecure.

Funny thing for all of us is that here we are just as insecure as any of the so called cis women.

Thanks for the support  Brooke!!!

[Biscuit_Stix]

I had doubts, I'll admit. I did. When I was a kid my mom told me I was hypochondriac because I loved to steal all the band-aids and sick them everywhere on me. (Little did she know that would later translate into wanting to stick tattoos everywhere haha!) So I thought, maybe I just want to be different? Or maybe I like attention? But then I remembered my social anxiety and what 'attention' normally does to me. Read: Panic attacks. So that wasn't it. So what was it? The thought that I couldn't put my finger on why I had doubts gave me even more doubts. I mean, me, the one who meditates on every stray emotion until it either goes away or I find the source and force it to go away. *I* couldn't find the source of my doubt. But then...

Then I got my first shot of T. And the feeling I got a few hours after? Like all was suddenly right with the world. I kicked back, relaxed, and just enjoyed the 8 hour drive home. Nothing flustered me (except Dallas traffic, ohdeargodmurder). I was finally *calm*. And I don't think I'll doubt again

[EmilyMI]

My biggest doubt (fear) is not being able to pass successfully in public and be seen as nothing more then a *Guy in a dress*

[Holly P]

Biggest doubt/fear?  I will never be the woman I know is inside me and I will suffer humiliation for it everyday for the rest of my life.  I have just come out to self and wife this year and I am working with a gender therapist.  I am just beginning.

But the fact that I acknowledge that fear, and still pursue this course convinces me that I am on the right path - only 50 years late.  I know that in my heart and soul.  I KNOW that.

Note to Cindy - Give THAT to Chuck Norris.  You kill me girl...lol

[Cindy]

Biggest doubt/fear?  I will never be the woman I know is inside me and I will suffer humiliation for it everyday for the rest of my life.  I have just come out to self and wife this year and I am working with a gender therapist.  I am just beginning.

But the fact that I acknowledge that fear, and still pursue this course convinces me that I am on the right path - only 50 years late.  I know that in my heart and soul.  I KNOW that.

Note to Cindy - Give THAT to Chuck Norris.  You kill me girl...lol

I will do Sis.

Doubts are also healthy because we can use them to target things we want to change.

Never ever accept humiliation. Walk tall and never accept that you cannot do it.

Old Chuck thinks he can/could act, if he could overcome that, we have no problems

[josee]

I have only been on hormones for almost 3 weeks but I feel more and more certain I am doing the right thing. Still waiting on boobs to start showing but I am anticipating that with an air of excitement! I have to wait till after my son graduates HS in May to go 100%. I can barely wait though.

[Chloe421x]

I had doubts, I'll admit. I did. When I was a kid my mom told me I was hypochondriac because I loved to steal all the band-aids and sick them everywhere on me. (Little did she know that would later translate into wanting to stick tattoos everywhere haha!) So I thought, maybe I just want to be different? Or maybe I like attention? But then I remembered my social anxiety and what 'attention' normally does to me. Read: Panic attacks. So that wasn't it. So what was it? The thought that I couldn't put my finger on why I had doubts gave me even more doubts. I mean, me, the one who meditates on every stray emotion until it either goes away or I find the source and force it to go away. *I* couldn't find the source of my doubt. But then...

Then I got my first shot of T. And the feeling I got a few hours after? Like all was suddenly right with the world. I kicked back, relaxed, and just enjoyed the 8 hour drive home. Nothing flustered me (except Dallas traffic, ohdeargodmurder). I was finally *calm*. And I don't think I'll doubt again

good for you, that was wonderful to read and I feel quite the same in that I self analyze quite extensively

[safyreprincess]

I don't know what happened to my old login but oh well, I'm not this new on the forums.  Anyway!

I don't really know what to do, I don't think I ever did.  I crossdressed early in life, but hated it at the same time.  I didn't want to be a guy in a dress, and I didn't do it for, er, certain satisfactions.  I've always wanted to be a girl, and even early in life I would hope I would one day wake up as a girl... and on the rare occasions when I was a girl in a dream, I really hated waking up.  When I go shopping, I have to remind myself not to look too long at women's clothing as I leisurely pass them by (Don't want to attract any attention after all).  Everytime I see something I'd love to wear though.

I've seen a therapist, and have gotten a letter for hormones.  I went for an electrolysis session.  Even went on a date with a guy once (fully dressed, wig and all).  Each of those instances made me pause and think about where I was going with my life.

I think it boils down to... wanting to be a girl, but feeling that in the end, I will never BE a girl.  It's a leap into the unknown.  Unknown financial situations.  Unknown social situations.  Unknown outcomes and possibilities.  I know how to be a guy.  I know my finances, and I know how to behave in social situations (like not crying at sad parts of movies, ya'll know what I'm talking about!)  I'm not UNHAPPY about being a guy.  But I'm not happy either.  It's one of those things that just 'is'.

If I could flip a switch and just be a female, I would do that without hesitation.  But to undergo that arduous journey, from male to female, to spend thousands of dollars on surgeries where success isn't a guarantee.  To risk the loss of a job.  To relearn all social situations, all movements of the body, and even how and what pitch to speak in... Every time I think about that, I push the thoughts out of my mind once more, and move on with life.  For another few months, before rereading and thinking about it some more.  I always keep hoping for some amazing technology that would allow us to switch bodies or something.  It's kind of sad, honestly, considering I don't have such unrealistic imaginings with anything else.

For now, I keep thinking on it, and for those moments when I really feel that gender dysphoria creeping up on me... I've found online games really can help with that!

[Emily Aster]

1. I wonder if this is all some fantasy life I created in my head
2. I wonder if I only believe this is real because the stories I've read had similar childhood experiences, like if it's true for them it must be true for me.
3. I wake up some days feels like I'm cured and this transition thing is totally in the past and wish I didn't spend all that money on clothes yesterday. Days like that, I wonder what the heck I was thinking. Within a day or two, I'll wonder why I just purged.
4. I used to think I'd pass well, but I've learned of so many aspects I hadn't thought of before, I'm not sure how I'll get them all straight.
5. I wonder if I just feel this way because I'm lonely, rather than being lonely because I feel this way.
6. I was on hormones in the past and as soon as I started seeing the changes I wanted, I stopped using them because I was afraid of the changes actually happening. Transition fear.

In the end, I always remember that I needed this before I had any idea this was possible. I remember searching for it on the internet the first time I saw the internet and being very excited that it was actually possible... then being depressed when I saw the cost.

[DeeperThanSwords]

My doubts;

1. That I'm not 'trans enough' to justify FTM transition.
2. That I will never have the body and face that I want
3. That my fiance will leave me if I transition.
4. That, since transition is a one-way trip, I shouldn't do it. Better the devil you know...

[Alex_K]

I'm new to this forum, but I spent my whole life so far with many of these doubts inside. I don't want to spend what's left of it spinning around my gender only to go for the sex change at my deathbed. I'm only 28, and I think that I might be already late. I can't imagine myself spending 28 more years doubting, so whatever your doubts are, the moment to deal with them is NOW.

[VegasLakers]

Doubt I will pass. I would love to go out as a woman full time, but I'm terrified that the fact that I'm almost 6 foot 1 will give me away. I still haven't started the transition, but even if my face looks decent, certainly being that tall will lead people to believe I'm trans.

[Apples Mk.II]

My doubts;

1. That I'm not 'trans enough' to justify FTM transition.
2. That I will never have the body and face that I want
3. That my fiance will leave me if I transition.
4. That, since transition is a one-way trip, I shouldn't do it. Better the devil you know...

I'll take 1, 2 and 4 too.

There is nothing more irritating than when we feel that we have a choice to transition instead of "transition or die".

[Emily Aster]

I would love to go out as a woman full time, but I'm terrified that the fact that I'm almost 6 foot 1 will give me away.

Height isn't really a deal breaker. I'm only 5'10", but most of my gg friends are between 5'10" and 6' and I've yet to see anybody question their gender over it, even when they're wearing 5" spikes.

[DeeperThanSwords]

Doubts?

F**k doubts.
I'm me.

Doubts hide behind rocks when I approach.


Seriously.

I never dreamed I could come this far.

I never ever thought it possible to be me.

I never ever ever thought  I would be accepted.

Next week I've been asked to address the Haematology Society.

Little old Cindy will be standing there in a new dress and telling it how it is. And? They all knew me before I went FT.

Doubts?

I feed doubts to Chuck Norris.

Cindy, I love you, that was fierce! 

[DeeperThanSwords]

My doubts are about fearing being alone (losing my current partner and then being unable to find someone who makes me as happy as he does), making a wrong decision (starting transition and doing one-way permanent stuff, then realising that was not the right thing to do for me), and the fear that, no matter what I do, I'll never become the person I really want to be.

[Gemma_D]

My doubts are that I find something that I think I want and obsess over it until I have it, then it's onto the next thing. I'm worried that transition might be the ultimate version of that.

The odds are good that I'll lose my wife and with her, 24/7 access to my son. I question whether it's worth it. Especially if I was to find that I have conned myself.

I look back at times this has come up before and I've managed to bury it (even hiding it from myself) for almost ten years. If I can hide it that well, then should I just carry on.

Deep down I know that this isn't the case, but I'm very good at rationalising my way out of doing anything vaguely scary. I like to know exactly how something will go before I do it and the unknown is the biggest fear.

The difference between this time and all the times before is that I know now how transition is done and that it's perfectly feasible, and hell I might even be passable after all. The fact that I *could* do it (and I know it) means I can't let it out of my head for too long.