Belgian discovers his wife used to be a man after 19 years

[Keroppi]

Belgian discovers his wife used to be a man after 19 years

A Belgian is seeking to have his marriage annulled after discovering that his Indonesian wife of 19 years had been born a man.
By Bruno Waterfield, Brussels
1:47PM GMT 26 Nov 2012

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/belgium/9703166/Belgian-discovers-his-wife-used-to-be-a-man-after-19-years.html

The man, only named as Jan, married Monica, his family's former au pair in a previous marriage, in 1993 despite legal difficulties raised by the Belgian immigration authorities.

But it was only in recent weeks that he discovered that his wife had originally been a man and had undergone a sex change.

"I feel I've been assaulted," he told the Het Nieuwsblad newspaper.

"I brought her to Belgium. That was not easy. The Belgian courts had serious doubts about the authenticity of her birth and her identity papers, but eventually they accepted it anyway. I thought she was an attractive woman, all woman. She had no male traits."

Jan, 64, said that he and his wife had decided not to have children because he had two by his previous marriage and she fooled him by pretending to menstruate, using sanitary towels, "to conceal the truth".

"Even during sex, I never noticed anything," he said.

For many years the couple lived a normal family life and Monica, 48, was like a "big sister" to his children until their marriage started to come under strain when she got a new full-time job.

"Monica began to change very much," he said.

"My oldest son saw her sometimes at a nightclub. She began to wear very flashy clothes, those ultra-short skirts or tiny tops, so her abdomen was completely exposed."

Finally rumours began to surface and after Jan found "amorous messages" from other men on her computer, he confronted her in a violent row that led to the police being called.

"A friend told me that he had heard that Monica was actually a sex-changed man. I could not believe it. My son heard similar rumours," he said.

"I pushed her against the wall and said: Now I know the truth. Are you a man? She then announced that she was born as a boy and that she had been operated on. She was now a woman, and so she did not need to tell me about her past as a man. My world collapsed. That evening came to blows. The police came."

Jan, who is undergoing psychiatric treatment following the discovery, has started legal proceedings to have the marriage annulled but the Belgian courts have so far refused to allow him to turn her out of the familiy home.

"That person has deliberately deceived him for years, even scammed. Presumably she has also forged documents used here to get a residence permit. The children, who for years have lived with her, are devastated," said his Liliane Verjauw, his lawyer.

*sigh*

[Dahlia]

'*sigh*'?
<Jan, who is undergoing psychiatric treatment following the discovery>!!

[Kevin Peña]

What an asswipe!

[Beth Andrea]

The guy spent 19 years married to a transgendered person...and was happy. But once he found out, that's when he rants.

It's like when people enjoy Rocky Mountain Oysters...until they find out what those are.  But, if they liked them before, what has changed? Nothing but their own small-minded perception!

That, and his local culture's perception of him.

Personally, I'm wondering about his wife's habit of going out dancing, and how the rumor got started.

*sigh*

If we tell, we get dumped. If we don't, we are scorned.

[Kevin Peña]

Well, yeah, Beth. In short, he's an asswipe. (I just learned that slang word today, and it's so funny )


PS--> I don't think all trans people get dumped. 

[~RoadToTrista~]

Psh, I don't sympathize with her, what she attempted is very stupid and selfish. Why is your marriage worth it if such a huge secret as this one can destroy it? She did decieve him, and it was wrong.

[Kevin Peña]

She did decieve him, and it was wrong.

While she did deceive him, there was no reason for him to hit her. 

[~RoadToTrista~]

I didn't see that part. >.< But I certainly don't sympathize with him either.

[Kevin Peña]

Nonetheless, just get a divorce. Don't beat her to the point where the cops must intervene.

[Solaela]

Ok...I understand his frustration and how he'd have felt....But It did not need to come to blows. Just tell her you want a divorce and sort it out no need to bash the poor girl.

[pretty pauline]

To be honest, the real reason his marriage came under strain was because she started to frequent bars and disappears for weekends, he said that himself, he is only using her trans history as an excuse, from his point of view its a good way out and gets him lots of simpathy.

[~RoadToTrista~]

To be honest, the real reason his marriage came under strain was because she started to frequent bars and disappears for weekends, he said that himself, he is only using her trans history as an excuse, from his point of view its a good way out and gets him lots of simpathy.

For any person such as him who doesn't have any knowledge or experience in trans issues, it is a traumatic thing to find out. Even when one does have this experience, trust is very important in a marriage and they would understandably be very upset. Their marriage may have been falling apart for those reasons, but this simply crushes it.

[Shana A]

 'Now I know why she wasn't good at ironing': Husband dumps his wife after 19 years after finding out she was born a man
26 Nov 2012 20:46

The revelation emerged after almost two decades of marriage when his wife's cousin finally exposed the truth

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/belgian-husband-splits-from-wife-after-1458493

A husband has spoken of his shock after learning his wife of 19 years used to be a man.

The 64-year-old Belgian - named only as Jan - said he had no clue his bride had been born a boy.

[...]

"Over the years she said she was taking the pill, and even during sex I never noticed anything, though now I understand why she always used a lubricant, which is apparently normal among transsexuals.

"She was always a good mother to my children, and also a fantastic cook, though she wasn't that great at cleaning and ironing - and now I know why"

[Elsa]

my guess is he knew all along but didn't want to believe it.

for one thing it seems he really enjoyed being in a relationship with her while she was completely dependant on him, then things start going to hell when she gets a job.

its honestly difficult to sympathize with either persons but beating the crap out of her is wrong and there's no excuse for beating a woman especially if that woman is or was your wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend.

[dalebert]

"though she wasn't that great at cleaning and ironing - and now I know why"

Oh, lawdy...

[Kevin Peña]

its honestly difficult to sympathize with either persons but beating the crap out of her is wrong and there's no excuse for beating a woman especially if that woman is or was your wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend.

Well, maybe there are some excuses. If your mom goes crazy and decides to take a hammer to your sister's head, you knock her out.

However, I can sympathize slightly with the wife. She did lie; I'll give you all that much. However, in a society like ours, could you really blame a post-operative trans woman for hiding her status after working so hard to get others to see her as nothing but a woman, and not a trans woman? If anything, the fact that the marriage lasted so long (considering how short most of them are) shows that her trans status didn't matter. Just my $0.02.

[~RoadToTrista~]

could you really blame a post-operative trans woman for hiding her status after working so hard to get others to see her as nothing but a woman, and not a trans woman? If anything, the fact that the marriage lasted so long (considering how short most of them are) shows that her trans status didn't matter.

I could, what people like her do adds to our reputation, but that's not the point. No transperson or anyone else should feel as if they're justified in doing this.

[Nicolette]

I'm with you all the way Diana. But the question I have is why she chose an unreconstructed neanderthal to have a relationship with.

[Kevin Peña]

I could, what people like her do adds to our reputation, but that's not the point. No transperson or anyone else should feel as if they're justified in doing this.

Alright, I can respect your opinion, but just try to consider her side of the story. After all, it technically is her business whether she wants to disclose to anyone or not. She knew the risks and got hit hard, but that doesn't change the fact that disclosure was ultimately her choice.

But the question I have is why she chose an unreconstructed neanderthal to have a relationship with.

It's not like she knew how he would react to her being trans, so there is no way that could've affect her decision. Perhaps he's an otherwise good person?

[Nicolette]

It's not like she knew how he would react to her being trans, so there is no way that could've affect her decision. Perhaps he's an otherwise good person?

Possibly it's the public humiliation (from his perspective) that he couldn't handle. He was 'made' to feel like a 'fool' for not knowing the truth, when everyone else knew. He was emasculated. He may have taken it better if a disclosure was made in private. I don't know.