MTF in need of help

[SadieBlake]

I'm still 6 weeks pre-op, no direct ideas / experience yet.

[Rachel]

Congratulations Sadie, the time will fly by. I am 4 months tomorrow post op and the time flew by.

I think the bleeding is from the packing. I made the packing a bit larger to get the stubborn necrotic tissue. I got 95% of the tissue out and just want the rest gone.

I take my pic tomorrow of the vaginal canal and send it to Brianna at Papillion. She wanted to see it 30 days from our office visit. I will tell her of the bleeding.

This may be TMI but. I have wetness from my vaginal canal that wet my panties (If I do not pack). There is a very slight odor I would guess is normal. It smell normal for that area. After the morning dilation I shower and clean the area. If I do not pack the area gets wet. Is it from lube? Is this normal? The wetness continues throughout the day. I really do not want to wear a pad for ever.

[Rachel]

Monday I have a 3000 graph procedure with Dr. Cooley in Charlotte North Carolina. I can not wait to see how this turns out . I will need two procedures. The first procedure will do 2/3 of what I need and take care of the front where I need it the most. 

I had my 4th voice lesson and I really need to start practicing at work. I feel embarrassed to try but I know it will happen sooner or later.

[Rachel]

Tomorrow I have 3000 graphs starting at 7 AM. Tomorrow..

TSA inspected my carry on and pulled out my dilators. I had a female agent and I told her they were for dilating and she put them back and said have a nice day. I was referred to as she

I checked into the Hilton Garden Pineville in Scharlotte. The guy wanted to see ID to verify my reservation. My ID says Rachel Lynn xxxxxxx. He addressed me three times as sir. It is bothering me and tomorrow I will chat with him nicely and explained I am trans and female.

[HappyMoni]

Rachel,

The 'sirs' really stinks. You are in a state with the bathroom law though, and I can't imagine this person hears a lot of positive news reports about trans folks. I have thought about doing what you are doing now. I can only imagine I would be a bit nervous about my surroundings. It is probably a bit of prejudice on my part, but I think it is a whole different world down there. Good luck.
Moni

[Rachel]

Hi Monica, thanks for your support.

It really was not bad down there. I talked to a few people and they really do not care and said it is only a few people that are bigoted.

I had 3500 graphs and plenty of doner hair.  I will return next year and have the rest done. They were able to get up to the crown. So next year the work will not be that much.

I had a 12 hour procedure. There were two people inserting the graphs and 6 people making the graphs. Dr. Cooley said I will be really happy with the result.

I wanted to do hair before FFS but waited as advised. I am excited to see how it turns out and glad I waited. The FFS scar will be 100% covered.

[HappyMoni]

Rachel,
   When you get a little further in recovery would you mind giving more detail. Were you under general anesthesia? Is it painful, for how long, swollen, that kind of stuff. I would like to look into it myself. I am able to go without a hair piece but it is thin right at the top. I appreciate any info you might give. Glad you are okay afterward. Thanks Hon!
Moni

[Fresas con Nata]

I wanted to do hair before FFS but waited as advised. I am excited to see how it turns out and glad I waited. The FFS scar will be 100% covered.

I'm also considering some head work now, waaaay before FFS, and I'd like to know what is the advice you were given wrt waiting after FFS to have a hair transplant done. Could you share some info about this?

--

I'm almost never sirred while in girl mode (which never ceases to amaze me) but I guess my natural reaction would be to ma'am the offender and see their reaction

[Rachel]

Hi Monica, The cost was $13,000 for 3000 graphs, They installed 3500 graphs. I asked if it would hurt and Dr. Cooley said they would give me an injection and I will be awake but not care. The gave local numbing injections and a bunch of pills. I am on day three post op and it itches. I have some antibiotics and protein powder they recommend from Hairshake. I have to keep my head covered with saran wrap and spray ATP on my head 1/hr when awake and 1/2 hours at night ( I set the alarm). The saran wrap ends tomorrow morning and I spray 1/ 3 or 4 hours after. If you do not touch your head there is no real pain. I will have a female hairline and they went up to the crown. Next year I will have the crown done. The operation was 12 hours with 2 people inserting the graphs.

Hi Fresas con Nata, I was advised by several here to wait till after FFS if you are having forehead lowering because with forehead lowering some of the graphs will be cut out. Also, you want to make sure the forehead lowering scar is covered. No other reason.

I was told the hairs will fall out and 2 to 3 months later they will start growing again. I have curly hair and the doctor said the hair will come in and not be aligned for curls, Then the follicles will communicate and in time the curls will align. He said he does not know why this happens. 

[HappyMoni]

Hi   Rachel,
   That is incredible. Hairs communicating, what's next? Thanks for the info. It sounds like something you want to stay home for at least the Saran Wrap part.
Moni

[Rachel]

I had to go to work for a meeting today even though I am off Monday through Thursday. Saran wrap and black hat and all. I went home after the meeting. I need to go to work Friday for a monthly meeting with my boss. I think I have a lot more self confidence since coming out.

The itching is driving me cray.

[Fresas con Nata]

Hi Fresas con Nata, I was advised by several here to wait till after FFS if you are having forehead lowering because with forehead lowering some of the graphs will be cut out. Also, you want to make sure the forehead lowering scar is covered. No other reason.

That's what I guessed out of pure logic but a) the world is not always logical and b) there could be some other more profound reason. Glad to see it's not the case.

Thank you!

[Rachel]

I just went on line and checked my e-mail. Aetna had a notice, so I opened it up. The additional fees charged for ICU and all the tests, doctors and such when I had my GCS was $68,860. This is in addition of the GCS and BA costs (BA is to be scheduled). That charge was about $30,000 of which I paid about $5,000. My cost for the added $68,860 charge is $78.00. So my GCS and BA coast is still about $5,000.

My GCS and paid for BA and added cost for the ICU and services had a charge total cost of about $100,000.

A guide to key terms
Term
This means
Your totals
Amount billed:
$67,895.75
The amount your doctor or health care provider billed for services.
Member rate:
$34,037.00
The agreed upon amount the in-network doctor or health care provider accepts as their fee.
Amount you saved:
$33,858.75
The difference between the amount billed and the in-network arranged pricing.
Pending or not payable:
$0.00
A claim that needs more review by us or an amount we did not pay. You may or may not have to
pay this. Read 'Your Claim Remarks' to learn more.
Deductible:
$0.00
The amount you pay before your health plan will pay benefits.
Coinsurance:
$0.00
When you pay part of the bill and we pay part of the bill. Some plans do not have coinsurance.
Copay:
$78.42

[Rachel]

I have a checkup at Papillion April 7th. They want to make sure the vaginal canal has shed the necrotic material and the one white spot is healing correctly. I may have to walk about New Hope and/or Lambertville and shop afterwards.

I will need additional hair graphs next year to finish the job. The first graph section will make a huge difference.

I have a short list of things to accomplish with my transition. BA, labiaplasty, voice/vfs and round two hair transplants. The BA and labiaplasty are paid for and will happen this summer. I am working with a voice pathologist at present.  It occurred to me today I am well into the transition process and can see the end in sight.

I will never pass and I will always look trans. I knew this from the start. My genital dysphoria is gone and I will optimize my feminine appearance.

I had a really nice top and outfit on today. I felt really good about myself. I also noticed others treated me a little different, nicer and friendlier. I never expected this to happen.

I went to Knock Saturday night in the Gayborhood at 12th and Locust. It is an upscale bar and restaurant. The food was heavenly. There were two female couples eating and a cis heterosexual crowd in the back room celebrating something. The bar was packed with guys of all ages, dressed very well. I thought how can I find someone? I like guys sexually but I am not outgoing.

Questions that came up a few times are could anyone find me attractive. Could anyone love me? Would I be something warm for someone to occupy time with?  I do not think I will be looking in a upscale bar and restaurant. I need to figure out another avenue to meet people.

[Rachel]

This may be too much information but it has been on my mind for a while.

When I was on HRT for a while my ability to have an erection diminished and then went away. My sex drive went to nothing. After GCS my sex drive was nothing and I was numb in most parts of my vagina and my clitoris was painful to the touch.

Fast forward 4.5 months post op and things have changed. My clitoris has a sexually peasant feeling when I am waking at times. When talking to an attractive guy I sometime think about sex and the vaginal area is awake and "sensitive". Also my sex drive is returning. I have sensation in my vagina and labia and mons. I think about guys and having sex with them.

This may be TMI but I thought it is important for me to write down and share. I really want to have sex with a guy and am getting to the point it is becoming a need.

[HappyMoni]

Rachel,
   This is not TMI to me. This subject is on the intimate side for you, but it is helpful to hear. You have been so generous with sharing so many things, I appreciate what you have done, the help you have given others. It is helpful for my peace of mind to know these changes are possible after GCS.
Moni

This may be too much information but it has been on my mind for a while.

When I was on HRT for a while my ability to have an erection diminished and then went away. My sex drive went to nothing. After GCS my sex drive was nothing and I was numb in most parts of my vagina and my clitoris was painful to the touch.

Fast forward 4.5 months post op and things have changed. My clitoris has a sexually peasant feeling when I am waking at times. When talking to an attractive guy I sometime think about sex and the vaginal area is awake and "sensitive". Also my sex drive is returning. I have sensation in my vagina and labia and mons. I think about guys and having sex with them.

This may be TMI but I thought it is important for me to write down and share. I really want to have sex with a guy and am getting to the point it is becoming a need.

[mm]

Rachel Lynn, glad you are getting good feelings back.  We all need to remember that it take time for the tissue, nerves, etc to heal so that it can be 6-12 months before we get all the feeling back.

[Charlie Nicki]

Just discovered this topic and read the first page and the last. Positively surprised at how things have changed for your all these years Rachel! I really want to find the courage to start.

[HappyMoni]

Just discovered this topic and read the first page and the last. Positively surprised at how things have changed for your all these years Rachel! I really want to find the courage to start.

Would you describe your first steps as courageous, Rachel? Or desperate? Not my thread here but I say nothing builds courage like desperation.
Moni

[Rachel]

I was trying to think of how to explain how I felt when I began the journey.

I think desperation is good. I was afraid. I got extra life insurance because I did not want to continue. I was fragile. I was too fragile to be allowed to start HRT for 5 months. I was too fragile to be allowed to go to group for about 9 months.

I think I had run out of time and somehow I trusted and listened to some people that helped me to continue. At first one day at a time.