First time going out as female:

[Elspeth]

I joined a cross dressing club, the tiffany club, and that's when I discovered very quickly that I didn't quite fit in. These were heterosexual guys, usually scared out of thier wits to be outside in a skirt, sitting around talking about sports and cars and smoking cigars. I wasn't meant for that world, but it made things even that much more complicated because what the hell was I? They hid in the club and I wanted to be out and about. I found a few people who also wanted be out, 1 very soon transitioned and that was basically my introduction to transsexualism. That scared the crap out of me so much, I didn't know what to do. Hartford CT has a TS support group called the twenty club (XX club). I have no idea if it's even around anymore. I paced for hours every time they had a session but I was too chicken to go to one. So I gave up temporarily.

This reminds me of why I avoided the support groups for a long time. Partly, my impression of them came from talking to someone my age who was active in them, but had realized she was on her way to transition. I met her and her spouse, together with my spouse (now ex), and met some others on their way to transition at their home.

Like others here, rather than start off in obvious femme regalia, I have gradually gone more and more androgynous. I still have some guy clothes but I don't recall the last time I wore them. Went to a drag bar once, dressed all the way, but I don't drink much, and it was a bit of a let-down (also, I felt too old there). Especially after coming out full on at a retreat where most of my longest-time friends were present, it's getting harder and harder to go out without just going all the way, but I'm still a little bit hyper-vigilant and irrationally fearful of judgments. Last time I was out of my apartment, was to take my daughter (and myself) for a flu shot. I supposed I was full femme, though I avoided breastforms, and had been rushing around a lot that day so my makeup was a mess.  Hard for anyone to miss that the rest of my clothes were nothing a guy would wear but this is kind of a mess for me now, as voice and features still elicit male pronouns.

This post is almost incoherent, but I'm posting it anyway.

[sally1990]

walked down one of the main streets in capital city, I was so nervous, had to do it tho to show my gender therapist I could get HRT faster, and just didn't  care what anyone thought of me. I dress androgynous now , till effects are stronger. I don't know something that day made me feel good about myself even tho I had youngsters laugh. Then I just think, as my delusional self, U guys will be wanting this soon enough so laugh all you want.  I honestly stopped caring about crap when I had someone I loved passed away, life is to short to care what others think of you negative wise. Unfortunately there are some ignorant idiots in this world,  and I kinda new deep down I was safe near a police station with a billion people around, maybe my care factor would of increased at night near an alleyway heh. I dream of being full time in the future, and just loving myself even more then I already do, it's so weird tho because I already feel full time personality /mannerisms wise, its just my body that's catching up.

[jessicas37]

I was as scared as it is possible for a human to be. My approach was different from most. I started hanging around at local

gay bars. While there i got to be friends with a few of the queens. Drag Queens alothough the bitchiest whieneist people on

the planet know more about make up and fashion then any two CIS women i have ever met. So about a month later when

they had an open stage night i asked one of the queens to "Paint me" and help me get dressed for my first number

These are close to same day
before


After


i had the time of my life and learned alot of great tricks. Makeup for me is second nature nowthough at times i really need to

tone it down for just going to work. Gay bars are safe and accepting though i can warn you from personal experience

do not go into detail about your transistion though you think gay men will be accepting THEY ARE NOT. Do not lie i would

never lie to anyone but dont volunteer any information. BTW that pic is with 6 pairs of hose,3 girdles(1 backwards),Corsette,

spanks,and two wigs...Beauty is PAINFUL

[Elspeth]

tone it down for just going to work. Gay bars are safe and accepting though i can warn you from personal experience
do not go into detail about your transistion though you think gay men will be accepting THEY ARE NOT.

It may not be so much a question of accepting, as that you are more or less taking yourself off the shopping list when they find out you identify as a woman. Possibly worse in some ways was working with a gay male therapist, who seemed to make it his mission to convince me that I was just closeted, despite my reminders that others had been assuming I was gay all my life, and the utter impenetrability of our discussions whenever I would talk about what I wanted sexually, things that he would then remind me I might have to compromise on, especially with a gay partner.  Not the best fit, especially when I was trying very hard not to offend him or have him feel that I was making any judgment about his orientation.

As for my one gay bar outing as me... I think I know what the problem was now. I went there dressed as the 40ish housewife I was at the time. The baby transgirls (and there were quite a few of them) were curious, but we just didn't have that much to talk about, and I wound up hanging around the lesbian corner most of the night, smiling, having a few conversations (actually, there was one girl I already knew who was there and we did talk for awhile about her various theatrical projects).  I think mostly I just felt so old and relatively boring there.

[Henna]

I'm pre-everything, but I started to change my clothing gradually, thus I'm not quite sure what was the exact first time that I was out the first time as a female.

I think I remember best the one time when after a support group meeting we went to a dinner. That was the first time for me at a restaurant dressed fully, but in quite casual clothes I think. No make-up, as I don't want to add another layer to this body, as I don't personally think that make-up helps me pass more, just the opposite I think.

Of course I was a bit nervous, but then again I had people around me, all who were done with the process already or were closing that moment. It made me feel much more easy about myself and not to be so nervous. Although  I kind of felt bad for them, that I'm perhaps drawing attention to our group, a group that otherwise would not get noticed. The only awkward moment came, when I had to use the bathroom and there was a moment, when I really had to think which bathroom to use...I kind of wished, that there would have been a third bathroom for someone like me, who appear to be living somewhere in the twilight of genders

After that I've been at bars few times. I know I get stared at and one time I got nasty comments from one drunken and most likely slightly crazy person. I do know that some stare at the street too, but I honestly don't care. I'm a woman, I'm a trans, I'm a human being and I really would like to sometime ask from those people who stare, that do you really think that I somehow enjoy drawing attention/stares to myself? Believe me, if there would be any other way, I would do that.

[EmmaS]

Wow I am amazed on how helpful you have all been and how much information you all gave me. I'm definitely terrified to go out in public in general but all the of the different things you all pointed out make a lot of sense to me. I think I'm going to just try to summon up the courage and go with my friend because like a lot of you have said, it's not like someone is going to beat me up if I'm obviously male dressed as a female in a public place like a mall, but I should be ready to expect some odd looks of course. I think the first time will be the hardest but then as I keep going out it will get a lot easier and maybe eventually I will get to the point like many of you where I won't even have any male clothes anymore because I don't need nor use them. That's what I ultimately wanting, to be able to be full time as a female since that's who I am. Thank you again for all the advice, it's like a second home on here <3.

Emma

[BunnyBee]

Be fearless.  It's the only way forward.

[MaidofOrleans]

Be fearless.  It's the only way forward.

No such thing except in the minds of the insane.

Everyone feels fear.

There are those who let their fear control them, and those who control their fear.

The latter is courage.

[sam79]

I'm not far off staring down this same barrel, so am really starting to think how and where etc... I'm not sure the "where" matters... As for the "how", I like the comment from agfrommd:

If I get strange looks, I remind myself that I'm showing the world what transgender looks like. It looks like proud, intelligent, and human.

A very powerful thought that one.

[Cute Ida]

Hello Zaliel,

When my parents found out I was trans they wouldn't let me dress as they didn't accept it. However I was able to dress in the privacy of my own room. I had already bought my own outfit and makeup. I practiced dressing and putting on make up for two weeks before I went out en femme the first time. I decided that I needed to dress outside of my room at least once to see what it was like. I went to my first trans therapist session in what I called "girl mode".


Since my hair was short I bought a cheap halloween wig because I dressed en femme near halloween. Except for the wig I looked passable, but I didn't feel like I was passable. After that first session I wished to stay in girl mode because of the euphoria of dressing as my true self. Since I was in the town where I used to go to self help meetings I felt I should stay in the town and go to the meeting en femme. I did. When I came in they didn't even recognize me. Everyone in the group was glad I came as my true self and they were okay with it. After having the first day out as a girl I felt like my true self. The first outing was the hardest. I went out one more time in girl mode under my parents noses before I finally moved out and dressed on a regular basis. From that point each time I dressed I gained more confidence in passing. I now pass without doubt unless I have to show my drivers license with my old name as I haven't legally changed it yet.


My advice would be to listen to your friend and just go out the mall. If you already look passable then you probably won't have much to worry about.  Or you could start out small by getting gas or go to the post office for stamps en femme. The first 4-6 months I dressed I didn't think that I passed but I did, even with a wig. I haven't worn my 100% real hair wig since I transitioned at work in october. My hair is long enough now. Gaining confidence in my appearance has made all the difference. Good luck in going en femme.


Ida

[Rowan Rue]

I've always dressed weird, I just started shifting my style more femme.  I actually have the hardest time if I don't want to stand out, then I get self conscious.
So long as I make it all about the outfit, I don't care if people think I'm male, female or if they don't have a clue. 

[Aleah]

I think ti depends if you pass or not, from your avatar I say you are very passable.

My first step was to talk to everyone I knew and boost my confidence. The more "you pass, don't worry" comments I got, the better I felt about it.

My mind races a lot with paranoid thoughts, has done so for most of my life, but since I started Oestrogen last Friday, I felt so much calmer and way more confident so that definitely helped.

Shortly after that I went out, went for a drive and then parked and went for a short stroll. I didn't want to walk around my neighborhood just yet.

Turns out they were right, I did pass and no one batted an eyelid. I did get some close inspections by few people who got close. But no weird expressions or double takes..

I think my hands and Adam's apple are my most obvious features, but cispeople base their judgment on what the want to see and its not unheard of for women to have Adam's apples and manly hands. If you look 80% like a female in every other way, their minds will fill in the 20% gap and just assume you are female.

Once I realised that and that most people are too self involved to notice, and that most have very little to no concept of transgender so they don't think about it daily. Then I started feeling much better about going out..

Now my voice, that's another story and still needs a lot of work before I talk to anyone..

[Annah]

the first time I ever went out dressed en femme was my first day Real Life Experience...and my first day in Seminary.

I wouldn't recommend it...but it's a sure fire way of jumping into it with both feet in

[sam79]

Just went outside first time for a cigarette all dressed up... 9 times out of 10 I don't see anyone... Obviously the time I'm outside presenting female, I *have* to run into people. Luckily it was kinda dark. I'm not sure they knew who I was, but would have appeared seemed female enough

Exhilarating!

[barbie]

I think I'm going to just try to summon up the courage and go with my friend because like a lot of you have said, it's not like someone is going to beat me up if I'm obviously male dressed as a female in a public place like a mall, but I should be ready to expect some odd looks of course.

Exactly. Letting alone safety, with your close friends, passing or not is not a serious issue.

Barbie~~

[Nero]

Be fearless.  It's the only way forward.

No such thing except in the minds of the insane.

Everyone feels fear.

There are those who let their fear control them, and those who control their fear.

The latter is courage.

eh same thing. Fearless just sounds more poetic. I'm proud to be fearless. Insane or not.