dysphoria or trans pms?

[oZma]

I want to make one thing clear... transition doesn't cure dysphoria, it just makes it more manageable or at least thats how it feels to me.

now my question... on those days where you just feel like you look like a boy, you feel ugly, you tell yourself you're going to detrans because you can't take being a trans and feel hopeless about ever being able to accept yourself as female (even when everybody else does).  what do you do?

yoga? meditation? exercise? shopping? cry? bitch, whine?

today I woke up and am having one of those days :-( I can't be the only one that gets down on themselves every month or so.

any advice?

[Sarah Louise]

I live through the day and wait for the sun to come up again.  It always does.

[Brooke777]

yoga? meditation? exercise? shopping? cry? bitch, whine?

Those are all fine answers to me. Though, I tend to do the last two the most. You are not alone in those feelings. When I get them, I tend to complain to my friends until their ears bleed. Then, I move on. It sucks, but I can't put my life on hold because I don't feel good.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way today. I hope you are able to pull through it. You are a very lovely woman, and you have a lot going for you.

[mm]

Being pre-T, I get real pms which give me bad dysphoria every month for 2 days.  Everything fall apart for me then, I get bad cramps then start bleeding nothing goes good for me then.  I just get through the couple of days each month knowing things will get better.  But I also know I will have the same feelings in a month again.

[oZma]

I think the worst part is that I work in a cube so I get lots of time to sit around and think about this :-(

lately I have been bringing my kindle or listening to youtube videos to keep my brains occupied

[Lady_Oracle]

There has been a few times where I've thought maybe I should go back but I can't deny how much better my body feels physically since starting hrt. I don't believe it's purely mental since I had excruciating back pain that virtually went away the first few months on hrt. I've never felt better before physically then I do now and that's just my body. In terms of my mind everything in that department has improved ten fold plus more. I do feel like I have a week out of the month that I get pms symptoms and stuff. It's not that bad though. As far as disphoria goes I really don't get it that bad anymore. I'm very ok with my body and how I look. That's just because I pass though. If I didn't I would have some serious disphoria.

[MaidofOrleans]

Everyone has those days I'm afraid.

[suzifrommd]

now my question... on those days where you just feel like you look like a boy, you feel ugly, you tell yourself you're going to detrans because you can't take being a trans and feel hopeless about ever being able to accept yourself as female (even when everybody else does).  what do you do?

Well if you're you, you can take a good long look at your avatar and wink at the beautiful young woman staring back at you.

For me, I have things that help me feel like me. Reading. Taking walks. Listening to music. Talking on the phone with friends. Spending time with my kids. If you have those things, do them. If not, try to find them.

And stay in touch with the joy you bring other people.

Good luck Ozma. The feeling will pass.

[Tristan]

going back is not the answer. trust me i have done it before and man does it really suck.

[Elspeth]

I want to make one thing clear... transition doesn't cure dysphoria, it just makes it more manageable or at least thats how it feels to me.

A possibly naive question from one who hasn't been on HRT (unless you count some very tepid dumb transgirl moves with BC pills, etc... all fairly brief and relatively uneventful, at least I hope so).

Is it possible there IS a hormonal component to this? Have you monitored levels closely? I seem to recall from some past accounts I kind of remember, that some would tend to be on dosages or delivery methods that would lead to fluctuations and periodic declines in E-levels?

I can also understand this being a result of mood fluctuations, given how I happen to be subject to those (probably completely) apart from the dysphoria. Please forgive me if this is an intrusive question... I don't mean to discount anything, and it's naturally a practical necessity to find coping strategies to address mood swings, whatever their cause might be.

[Emmanuelle]

I want to make one thing clear... transition doesn't cure dysphoria, it just makes it more manageable or at least thats how it feels to me.

I'm not attributing it to dysphoria, I feel that part has gone from my life. To me it feels more like being hit with a sense of total insecurity or not being able to adjust the way I want it to. It comes across like a trans pms thing more than anything else.

What I do: take a deep breath when it occurs, finishing off the things I was doing asap, going home, making a cup of tea, get into bed and watch a movie. Allowing some time to pity myself, get on the phone with a friend or two and finally looking forward to the next sunrise.

The thought of going back has never occurred to me. It feels like an even more dire place to be.

[ZoeM]

Being pre-T, I get real pms which give me bad dysphoria every month for 2 days.  Everything fall apart for me then, I get bad cramps then start bleeding nothing goes good for me then.  I just get through the couple of days each month knowing things will get better.  But I also know I will have the same feelings in a month again.

Trade ya.

@Ozma: that is a brilliant username. Such a good fit to what we are.

I'm not far along, but I find the dysphoria pops up whenever I notice a spot where I fall short - stubble on the chin/lip, accidentally getting a mail-order tank top two sizes too small, that sort of thing.
You can't really do anything directly about the dysphoria (alienation? Anomie?) when it happens. You just have to endure, sleep on it, and wake up cheerful again.
Or put on something you know looks right. That might help. Helps for me.

[PrettySoldier]

Does yoga really help with stress relief or depression? I've been thinking of trying it, not classes, but just learning a few exercises to do at home.

[oZma]

Trade ya.

@Ozma: that is a brilliant username. Such a good fit to what we are.

I'm not far along, but I find the dysphoria pops up whenever I notice a spot where I fall short - stubble on the chin/lip, accidentally getting a mail-order tank top two sizes too small, that sort of thing.
You can't really do anything directly about the dysphoria (alienation? Anomie?) when it happens. You just have to endure, sleep on it, and wake up cheerful again.
Or put on something you know looks right. That might help. Helps for me.

finally, someone gets the ozma name... I feel like it would be more prevalent but its not so I claim it!

I do tend to get down on myself when I notice short comings... facial prickly, pants fit weird, etc... but in usually try to turn those feelings into motivation to keep chugging along in transition in hopes I won't have these triggers in the future.

I just started a beginner yoga class... it feels super embarrassing - can't wear super tight pants and I'm super inflexible due to being a dumb boy who didn't give a f.  but yoga, like meditation is focused on breathing and focusing on the here, the now, and the body.  I hope I stick to it cause yoga bodies are hot and lots of people who do yoga seem quite peaceful with their existence (although I have a dumb fear that I could end up being so content with my existence that transition doesn't matter and I realize I could live as a boy... isn't that a dumb fear?)

[Anatta]

Kia Ora Ozma,

Good idea to start meditation/yoga, keep at it...Peaceful mind, peaceful body, peaceful world... The benefits are plentiful 

And don't worry, you won't lose the drive to transition, but it should help you to over come/face the obstacles with calm abiding...

Metta Zenda

[Emily Aster]

This is great news. This back and forth dysphoria always makes me stop in my tracks when I'm running towards transition. It wasn't till a few days ago that I decided that since it's girl mode that keeps punching me in the face and not boy mode, I'm just going to keep moving anyway. So nice to know that other people have the same things happening and that it didn't just suddenly clear up one day.

[oZma]

Kia Ora Ozma,

Good idea to start meditation/yoga, keep at it...Peaceful mind, peaceful body, peaceful world... The benefits are plentiful 

And don't worry, you won't lose the drive to transition, but it should help you to over come/face the obstacles with calm abiding...

Metta Zenda

another fear - after srs, which is kind of the end game for transition... I'm afraid ill get depressed not knowing what to do with all this transition momentum.  like ill feel 'what do I do next...?' and people will say 'LIVE!' and ill say ' I don't even know what that means... living and transition seem to so closely correlated that without transition... I might feel lost?'

[Elspeth]

Idk about yoga specifically but yes exercise helps. I can't remember why but like it gets rid of excess cortisol or something. Plus you get an endorphin rush. I think yoga is kind of a feel good thing in general too because the movements are more slow and relaxing, prob Tai Chi as well though I have never tried it.

Yoga and Tai Chi combine the benefits of low-impact exercise and can include a meditative aspect. They can definitely be helpful if you are open to that kind of thing. If you're not accustomed to them, they can also tend to release some tension and emotions that may be initially disturbing, but if you're doing them with someone who's alert to those aspects, they may be able to help you use them productively. I learned yoga in my early teens, with my mother, more or less self-taught.

It would probably have been a bit better to have studied them with someone much more versed in all that goes with yoga, as a part of meditative practice. I don't think I harmed myself in any way by learning the techniques as I did, just that it would have been beneficial to do them with someone who was more practiced, who could have helped to make them more beneficial. Not that there were any yogis to be found in the tiny Nevada town where I was learning this.

I suggest taking it as a course if that option is available to you where you live. Best if you can get a recommendation from someone you trust, but one course is not likely to be a problem even if you don't mesh with the yogi/instructor.

[Elspeth]

another fear - after srs, which is kind of the end game for transition... I'm afraid ill get depressed not knowing what to do with all this transition momentum.  like ill feel 'what do I do next...?' and people will say 'LIVE!' and ill say ' I don't even know what that means... living and transition seem to so closely correlated that without transition... I might feel lost?'

Since I'm not even nearly there yet, I'm hesitant to say, but I've followed many sisters' stories of what happens after transition, and to some extent most suggest that the transition still continues, just without the distraction of paying attention to particular mileposts. No one is ever "finished" with anything in life. Maybe feeling stuck on the other side of a false puberty we have a hard time seeing that, but ultimately, you continue the process of becoming yourself, whoever that self may be, and with less worry about being trapped in something unwanted and uninvited. Still, there are things in anyone's life that are like that... things we don't want, relationships we are ambivalent about, and all the other annoyances of daily life. Hopefully, getting the mileposts out of the way finally allows us to start or continue dealing with those things, and doing so in a manner more genuine to our own spirit (or if one objects to notions like "spirit", then to your own sense of self).

[Aleah]

another fear - after srs, which is kind of the end game for transition... I'm afraid ill get depressed not knowing what to do with all this transition momentum.  like ill feel 'what do I do next...?' and people will say 'LIVE!' and ill say ' I don't even know what that means... living and transition seem to so closely correlated that without transition... I might feel lost?'

I get this fear too, I fear getting to a stage and going "what now?"..

There are lots of silly fears and doubts that cloud most peoples minds, most of them are irrational and unfounded. I've come to realise that transition isn't a mental health super fix. It just gets us on the same playing field as everyone else.

Like any normal cisperson, we need to focus on physical, mental and spiritual health if we want to be complete and happy human beings post or during transition.