Hormones before going full-time

[JLT1]

I read somewhere on-line about planning out the transition.  The woman who wrote it completed the MTF transition and was addressing everything - hormones, money, coming out to various people, going full time, electrolysis, FFS, SRS - the works.  I thought it was a really good idea and made my own plan.  When I got done, I compared it with hers and mine was somewhat different - hormones first, talking to my wife very early, electrolysis much earlier, the addition of hair transplants - a lot of differences but the same starting point and the same end point. 

But aren't we all just a little different?  For me, hormones was the first thing I did because there was no downside and the possibility of a good upside.  I can't father children and I'm a little old for that anyway.  Then, I already have breasts so no problem there.  As testosterone production had almost stopped, estrogen really helped.  However, I still have questions about presenting as a woman.  Big questions and fear, I have a lot of that.  I wouldn't have near as much of either of these if I had presented as a woman first.

As I'm responding to hormones, I'm changing my map a little.  When I found out I have really good insurance, I changed it even more.  However, I have found that my plan really helps settle things in my mind and brings me much less angst about the future.

[Allana Lovins]

"FULL TIME" basically means your not aloud to where anything Masculine, Don't have a masculine persona, Don't smell like a guy, Don't walk like a guy. This hole Idea of Going Full time...? is bull crap. You start your hormones... You feel girly, You get more and more confidence...WHERE WHATEVER YOU WANT! Its not about how you dress, Its about how you feel, and if you feel like your a girl.. FULL TIME or HALF TIME doesn't really matter does it? Your a girl, your just born with Testosterone instead of Estrogen...  I am not FULL time Female because I don't ACT / LOOK like a female for 4 years straight? THAT is wrong wrong wrong. I'm so glad you posted this topic, Its VERY important to know that you may not want to look like a FULL TIME GIRL if you don't really come off as  a FULL TIME GIRL, when trying to look like a full time girl!(ESTROGEN HELPS AT THIS POINT)  I'm Masculine, Muscular, Very tall for a girl 6' 1" and have a size 14 shoe... NOT VERY GIRLY IS IT! Well Thats why I don't go out in a dress( I look cute in a skirt) but I'm not gonna go out and get abused and hated on for not even TRYING to be a girl about it.  Buy plenty estrogen promoting foods and vitamins, adn really get your girl on, skin soft, Hairless, Petite body, Get as clean and feminine as you can and where something.. Androgynes... that should be enough for a start( YOU'VE PROBABLY DONE THIS), And YES from a medical and mental standpoint, IT DOESN'T HURT TO ONLY WHERE GIRLS CLOTHES FOR 1 MONTH STRAIT... it may even reveal some things you didn't know about yourself, and what your able to pull off. The girly you get, the more girly you'll be. Keep your head up and be proud, YOUR BEAUTIFUL!

[Tessa James]

This a great topic and I so appreciate the variety of responses.  In the US I can and will be getting HRT without a RLE/RLT but facilitated my having a trans therapist.  That said, I am a public figure and could not and will not be able to transition privately until 100%.  That's my real pic/avatar and for many who knew me as "him" I still look like a guy in a dress.  I may never be totally passable but, that's really OK.  I want to be honest and real about who I am in transition too. 
It is amazing to me how much unsolicited advice I get about how I should look, act, dress and even call myself.  It's like being some celebrity wearing an expensive dress and people start going off about "well, she wore that last week and those shoes just don't go!"  Why would we want to free ourselves from the straight jacket of "acting and looking like a guy" for any dictates about looking/acting like some female stereotype?  Simple answers may suffice for some but, to really taste, feel and embrace the changes is a luxury for me. 
I am cross dressing FT, but I find that term kinda lame too.  Thank goodness women, in most western cultures, took the initiative long ago to dress as they choose.  The feminists did and do a lot or work for us!  If one of my board members shows up in a dress or blues jeans and sneakers it's no big deal.  I show up in a dress and the sky is falling?  Being out and dressed like I want is absolutely empowering, liberating and gives me real certainty that I am on the right road.  I recommend being out and feeling the changes at any time pre or post HRT.
It will be a better day for all when we allow ourselves the freedom to dress and act as who we are.

Tessa James

[Bexi]

I admit I self medicated for a number of reasons before my RLE -

- My confidence was extremely low and going through the exquisite torture of going through life day-to-day as a unpassable transwoman was more than I could bear doing repeatedly*. I'd tried that, had a horrid experience and ended up more deeply depressed than before. 

- Akin to the first point, at the time, my dysphoria was a raging snarling beast. I knew I had to do something. Being a guy in a dress wasn't an option - I wanted to be a woman.

- After self-referring myself to the GIC, I was told I had an appointment in 8 months. I knew in my heart that transitioning was what I wanted. It was the light at the end of a tunnel of misery. My choice was a long, hard, conscientious, adult decision - not a spur-of-the-moment whim.

- I didn't want to jump through hoops for anyone to "prove" I'm trans. I find it degrading.

[*I apologize if that offends anyone - I didn't have the courage or the willpower to present as female without the help of hormones]

[Shantel]

Not offended, we don't ever get offended about anything Just be careful, you read my extreme danger post, you don't need a blood clot!

[Tessa James]

- I didn't want to jump through hoops for anyone to "prove" I'm trans. I find it degrading.

Bravo for you Bexi, call your own shots on that jumping hoops nonsense.  If we allow it, anyone can create a litmus test to prove what?  Take what strength we can for the road ahead and let that "light" shine.

To the journey forward,

Tessa James

[Numinum]

Firstly, thanks everyone for the comments, it's nice reading that everyone's approach is different so I don't feel like I'm doing things wrong, well not AS MUCH.

I'm impatiently waiting for April to come around for my ABACUS thing. I'm not usually an impatient person but it's hanging over my head daily now, feels like days take ten times longer.

My plan is basically that if there's no hint of progress by the time my birthday comes around, I'll discuss alternatives with my GP (as I feel that she wants to help but feels a little restricted by her lack of experience with this particular subject:; I could be wrong, though!)

[Devlyn]

A reminder about TOS Rule #8

8. The discussion of hormone replacement therapy(HRT) and it's medications are permitted, with the following limitations:
A. You may not advocate for or against a specific medication or combinations of medication for personal gain. This is strictly prohibited.
B. You may not discuss the means to acquire HRT medications without a prescription. The discussion of self medication without a doctors supervision is prohibited.
C. The discussion of recommended or actual dosages is strongly discouraged to prevent information obtained on this site from being used to self medicate.

We can not in good conscience condone the self administering of these medications. Not only may self medication be illegal, but HRT medications can cause serious health problems, and many have the potential for life-threatening side effects that can only be detected and prevented with proper medical supervision.

Let's remember the wishes of the site owner and leave the self medicating discussion off the site please. Thank you, hugs, Devlyn

[Numinum]

Sorry, I'll remove that from my last post. Didn't mean to sound like I was getting into it too much, but I can see how it's iffy.

[Holly58]

  Reading all this has a lot of resonance with me waiting for charring cross in London to send me an invite to come in and not knowing if its going to be 2013 or 2014 before I get the first face to face.
Holly x

[vegie271]

Personally, HRT was essential before RLE. I needed to pass 100% in my work. If after a year and I still didn't pass then I would have had FFS. As it happens, I had some very minor FFS before RLE. HRT plus FFS was an incredible confidence boost and made dealing living fulltime a walkover. I can't imagine doing fulltime with male pattern fat distribution and body hair in my face and body and getting away with it.

I hear you, I am also US, I did not need FFS but I was married and my wife let me do HRT but not do full time, I waited until she passed the I wne full time. I was 12 years HRT before I went full time.

[Pollyanna]

I too decided to medicate (with and without my GP's approval) before I attempt any RLE. I envy those who are so passable (or brave) that they can go public without hormonal intervention, but that's not for me.

When I complained to my therapist about a few lingering, unconscious male mannerisms (crossing my legs at the knee like a guy, for instance) she reminded me that A) most mannerisms are learned and we must unlearn them, and B) HRT will also help to solidify a more feminine presentation as the E takes over. It takes time.

So my transition is 'stealth' -- slow and creeping until I can more fully pull it off. Unlike some others, I'm not 5'4" so I have to be a bit more cautious, and use every tool at my availability. HRT is one of those tools.

[Numinum]

Hello, everyone! Thanks for the replies and everything.

I thought I'd just update people on what's been going on with me, in case anyone was curious.

I've actually been to all of my Abacus appointments now (took being a little bit pushy with my GP but it was fine), and the lady there was *amazingly* helpful! I've come out to relatives/etc. by now, and I've taken steps towards being slightly more feminine, while still being me; I'm not going to change how I dress too much, since it was never a goal to! To be honest, though, I'm still absolutely terrified of having to be "properly" full-time with what feels like no aid.

I'm awaiting contact from Charing Cross, apparently. No idea when that will be, but just knowing there's *something* happening is enough to make me happy for now. I still feel like I'm losing months doing nothing while I wait, though. I guess everyone feels that way when doing this in the UK.

I've been told that being particularly introvert might be a barrier between getting an "OK" to anything, so I'm trying to pick up a slightly more outdoorsy job at the moment, in addition to my computer-based freelance stuff. Not that I really want to, but I feel like I have no other choice.

[Northern Jane]

I come from a time before "Standards of Care" and I simply can't imagine living as the opposite sex without giving it every chance to succeed! The very idea seems draconian and seems to exist simply to protect the medical practitioners from accusations of inappropriate treatment. There is really nothing that hormones do (within a reasonable time period) that can't be undone eventually with different treatment. Particularly for people who have undergone an 'inappropriate puberty', asking them to live in their chosen gender without the help of the RIGHT hormones is reprehensible!

In my early teens (13), I began to self-medicate whenever I could get access to hormones and by 16 I had no problem being accepted as a GG. By the time I was 17 (one year below the age of consent) I found a doctor who put me on hormones with proper supervision because my direction and dedication was clearly established.

If (by some wild stretch of the imagination) I had NOT wanted to transition and have SRS, the effects of estrogen could have been eliminated with a mastectomy and some testosterone. (The very idea give me cold chills LOL!)

[Shantel]

Jane is so right about this in every respect, I agree completely with her statement.

[Seras]

SNIP

Just make sure you keep your savings together so when you get pissed off with Charring Cross you can afford to go private. I finally have an appointment with Dr Curtis this month, I coulda gone private at first but I wanted to give the NHS a chance. Then the opportunity to have my private treatment was gone and I Had to get my own cash. Lesson learned.

I have no desire to go full time without hormones. So I am not going to.

[Numinum]

I'm actually quite glad to read that, as I wouldn't even think of going into this without some sort of "backup plan" in place. I'm hoping by the time my appointment comes around, I'll have made enough money from my freelance stuff/game development to not be completely terrified if it doesn't go well.

[Seras]

Cool I wish I knew some coding languages and stuff I would love to be in game development.
I am not really mathsy enough though I do not think.

The place I am going for private is reasonably priced though I think. The first appointment is a lot but follow ups are only 30 minutes so cost half as much. Since they are a few months apart (like 3 I think) if you have any income you should be ok.

[Numinum]

You could always give it a shot in your free time, I guess the amount of mathematics depends on how complex you want to go. A lot of stuff is fairly easy, though... but I'm a mathsy kind of person so maybe that's why!

Reading stuff about how Charing Cross has improved over the recent years has made me hope it's going to be different, so I'm going to wait and see for the moment, even if I'm incredibly impatient about this! My naivety forces me to give the proper channels a shot, and yeah, I know it's unlikely to be any different.

Anyway as always I'll let everyone know how things go on, meeting my GP next week.

(Also applying some final touches and polish to my first iOS/Android game so I might post a link up here after that, if it's not frowned upon too much to advertise myself, ha! )

[spacerace]

I think it's crazy that anyone would be expected to go under a RLE before HRT. I've heard some say that it is almost like a "test of bravery" or something to that effect. But the idea just seems totally insane to me and makes absolutely no sense.

Just to provide another perspective where I also agree with this, I know a lot of trans guy choose to come out and live as male before HRT and encounter a lot of resistance. I have often wondered why guys don't follow the path of many trans women in waiting to make it easier for themselves.

I understand that people perceived as masculine females are unfortunately way more accepted than the opposite, but it still seems like a lot of the friction could be reduced after changes are obvious and legal paperwork is in hand. Especially in work environments.