Make the feels go away before I get myself crushed again >.<;

[GentlemanRDP]

So...more of my continuous ranting and raving. You've all been warned.

Ahem...to start us off, I'll say that my romantic history has never been very...well, I've never had much of one. I've dated a few guys, and a few girls before I realized that I was trans. After beginning transitioning, I've backed off (Mostly) from dating, because I didn't want to be seen as a girl. For those of you who don't know, I'm very happily gay. There's only been one guy that I can actually say that I've loved. Now, I don't know much about love, but it felt deep, and sometimes, it still hurts. Things were very...confusing between us. We were instantly drawn to each other when we met, but we lived in separate states, and only saw each other twice a year. We thought that I was a lesbian at first, but evidently, I wasn't, and some mild things happened between us, but I got scared and pushed him away...and then dated a friend of his that was a girls - obviously, I hurt the Hell out of him. In October of last year, we saw each other again for the first time in two years (At an anime convention) I was getting some really positive signals from him, and when we were alone, I blurted out that I was in love with him. It wasn't returned, and he hugged me until I managed to stop my pathetic sobbing...and I went back to my hotel room, where friends helped me through it.

It still hurts like a bitch.

That brings me to my new dilemma.

I'm currently in an acting class at college. There is an extremely cute guy in my class. I didn't think much of him the first day, but he caught my eye on day two. So out of curiosity, I looked him up on Facebook and found him - and also found that he's a close friend of one of my very close friends whom I'm trying to move in with. During drama class today, I had the balls to go sit near where he normally sits, and believe it or not, he sat next to me. He asked for clarification on my name, and I returned the question back to him. We talked a little bit about the class, and he's super sweet, and funny...and just...amazing. During the lesson for the class, we each had to bring an activity to do in front of the class for performance reasons. His was working out, and he brought a resistance band. The teacher told him that his action verb was 'To Impress,' So what does he do? He rips his shirt off in front of the class and continues to work out, and I feel myself go red in the face x____X; Let's just say that I've never been so happy to have an unnoticeable sized cock before >.<;;

After class, I text our mutual friend, mentioning that one of her friends was in my class, and his name. She freaks, cus they go way back, we talk a bit and she tells me to mention her to him the next time that we're in class (This was after I mentioned that he was half naked in our class, and I more or less mentioned that I thought he was ->-bleeped-<-ing cute) I told her that I didn't want to sound like a stalker, but she insisted that I drop her name - even though our next class is on Thursday of this week. I found it weird that she was so persistent about me telling him that I know her. And I can't help but wonder, why doesn't she just mention it to him?

...I know you guys can't give me answers to this, but I just don't know what to think.

She knows that I've been looking for a relationship, and she knows that I have a hard time finding anyone, because of the trans thing and my worried over being rejected due to it.

Maybe she doesn't want to say anything to him, because she doesn't want to blow my trans cover?

Maybe she told me to ask him because she wants to give us a reason to talk more? And maybe by some miracle he's bi and she knows that?

Or I'm just putting way too much thought into this, and she really just wants me to mention her to him since they're so close?

Hell if I know, but it's just eating me up >.<;

I'm terrified of even feeling attraction to anyone because of what happened last time.

I knew the last guy for six years, and he still managed to rip my heart out without looking back.

I just feel like such a mess right now, My stomach's in knots, and I know that I'm a moron for getting so worked up - I don't even know if the guy is seeing anyone. And I can't help but feel that no matter who the person is, no one's going to even look at me twice once they find out I'm trans.

...Someone, please smack some sense into me, I need it before I do something retarded.

[spacerace]

I say just get to know him a bit. Keep sitting near him, and use that as a launching pad to talk to him after class ends. After a few times of this, you can see if he wants to hang out or study together. You'll get more data about his dating preferences or whatever, and things may come together naturally. Better not to force it too quickly.

I think you don't have enough information about him yet to really attach to him, so don't worry so much about it. Sounds like you're only working yourself up when you barely know him. You may not even like him after you get to know him better.  Also, why even mention your friend if it seems strange to you? You don't need to, or you can mention it later. Maybe she was persistent because she likes him too or something.

[Natkat]

I also think your working yourself up abit too much.
slow down take a breath.

I think the best thing to do is to be down on each, not expecting too much, without going negative into it.
I think your alittle worryed for the whole transthing. sure this is an issue but alot of transpeople are also in straight and gay relationships, so being trans dosent mean your not capeble of love.

I do understand your fear, im pretty scared of getting hurt myself as I also been pretty unlucky in the romance.
had a girl once who made me feel guilty for her suicide rumours and all of her unhappyness, and dated the wrong guys in general who only likes you for sex. So im not really that good myself at this stuff, But this is what I try to do. I think its more easy to focus on small things right now, rather than a big picture. of "what if we gets together? or he reject me?" and insteed try to think "what if we are to have a good day today or maybe also tomorrow?"

I dont rush into conclusions or relationships in general cause im scared of getting hurt, But I try to make a good connection, this is not just for relationship but in general I think its a good idea to try being nice and friendly with people around. somethimes this fail, something it might be something, had a date for some time ago with a guy who clearly wasnt my type at all, its not going to be the 2 of us but at least we had a fine evening and I got a free drink..