Do any of you feel male and female like me?

[peky]

This is me:
I am a man and there is a woman inside of me. I am married and happy to be my wifes husband. But I also want to be the woman I know is inside of me. I want to be my wifes lesbian lover, but she only is attracted to men. But I am also ok to continue being the man I also am. But I want to be female, no wait, male. I want to do HRT and become the woman. No, I have been a man too long and would never pass. My wife would leave me. The people in my life would not understand. So what, become the woman you want to be. Dammit!

This is how I have been thinking everyday for the last two months.

You are not alone

Courage!!!

[Sarah Blomsterhatt]

This topic brought up some intresting questions in my own head. I'm mtf, going through HRT now and is dead set on going through SRS as soon as I can. Yet I never identified as neither a man nor a woman. I know what I want, and I know that going through HRT and SRS is the right choise for me, just looking at how increadibly more happy I am now simply because I'm almost able to pass as a woman on the street, I know I'm on the right path. The clothes I wear at times I wouldn't call female clothes, at times when I do dress in very feminine clothes, a long beautiful dress, I might very well use my bomberjacket instead of my lovely feminine winter coat.

I don't think it really got much to do with which gender I identify with, I think it's more to do with my person, I'm a person who wants to wear whatever she feels like, and got a liking to baggy pants, berets, my lovely bomberjacket, aswell to dresses, skirts and thight tops. Now in terms of fashion I can understand people not agreeing with what I wear. But I never cared about that.

I must say this was a very intresting and for me thought provoking topic. Just sitting here typing this I got the thought of; "I'm going to dig deeper into this, and see what I find within myself."

/S

[Lyric]

Why?

Well, as I said, I'm no expert on the subject, but HRT and and certainly SRS are very serious things to do to your body. It's not the same as wearing different clothes or something. There are some pretty huge risks and permanent changes that happen. Some people who have gone on HRT who are not entirely TS have experienced severe depressions, for example. It changes you emotionally as well as physically. And, of course, with SRS you say goodbye to any sort of male sexuality forever-- and, sometimes-- to most of one's sex drive anyway. Plenty of people have undergone the permanent changes of these treatments only to regret having done so and realize they can't go back.

My point was that, while HRT and SRS are necessary for some of use to reach the state of comfort with gender we must have, there are other options for those of us with a more divided gender identity. There's no perfect answer to the desire to be cross gendered, but it can be done-- and without hormones or surgery, I think.

~ Lyric ~

[natastic]

Well, as I said, I'm no expert on the subject, but HRT and and certainly SRS are very serious things to do to your body. It's not the same as wearing different clothes or something. There are some pretty huge risks and permanent changes that happen. Some people who have gone on HRT who are not entirely TS have experienced severe depressions, for example. It changes you emotionally as well as physically [....]

My point was that, while HRT and SRS are necessary for some of use to reach the state of comfort with gender we must have, there are other options for those of us with a more divided gender identity. There's no perfect answer to the desire to be cross gendered, but it can be done-- and without hormones or surgery, I think.

~ Lyric ~

I dont ID 100% female most of the time (perhaps not "entirely TS" as you put it). However, I am on HRT and have found that it has yielded both a significant reduction in my sense of disphoria as well as an increased sense of ease and confidence when crafting an androgynous presentation.

I held off on starting hormones for over two years after getting a therapist letter for them, precisely because I understood and respected the gravity and severity of moving forward with them. When it came down to it, however, dressing and mannerisms and social circles alone were not enough for me to be completely comfortable with myself, and did not do enough to align my gender identity with the way the world at large sees me.


In short, HRT is doing for me what the non-medical "other options" could not do.

[smooth]

I've been on hormones for a few years now, I also had an orchi. I got rid of my facial hair, adjusted my hair line and had a nose job. I no longer feel the need to express my female side, I'm just me and it's a comfortable place to be. No GD anymore, no need to worry about passing, voice, wide shoulders, being tall, etc, etc. I've never really been interested in clothes of either gender but they were useful when I had no other means of expressing the inner me.
I know I'd never have passed to my satisfaction and it certainly wouldn't have been possible in most situations so to me "what's the point" It would have only made me miserable.
Hormones for me weren't a tool to physically feminise me as such but they certainly helped me get rid of the GD. I think the psychological effects are more beneficial than the physical ones. I did have a degree of breast development and this can be a nuisance in certain circumstances but it's not hard to live with. I started my hormone journey with similar goals to the majority of other TG people but thankfully for me I realised after a period of clarity (No GD) that I didn't actually need to transition 100% to be happy, in fact not even close to 100%
Without doubt I have some female qualities but I'm predominately male, physically male, mannerisms male, outlook male but my inner female caused me no end of head f**k Women can be difficult 😉 mine, me, I, she, we was 🙂 These days she is happy being in the background, she no longer needs to make herself seen but she is always there.....

[kyh]

I despise having been forced to assume the male role....I have never felt male at all....

I feel the same way Peky. I hate the male gender role. It doesn't suit me at all.

[eli77]

While I'm not an expert on the subject, I'm pretty sure that if you do not feel 100% female, it would not be a good idea to go on HRT or have SRS surgery. In fact, I don't think any ethical therapist or doctor would provide you with these unless a qualified therapist has assessed that this is the case.

You'd be surprised. From the poll on the Androgyne forums, about a third of non-binary folks have undergone some form of medical intervention. And the majority of the remainder are considering it.

I certainly agree that caution should be exercised with permanent modifcations. But I think that's true regardless of how you happen to identify. Someone can also feel 100% female and find that medical intervention is wrong for them.