Transition and Loneliness

[Josh]

Transition can be lonely...even wit a super supportive girlfriend...or whoever you have as your support and other trans guys to talk to and everything...anybody else feel this way? Jus that transition can be lonely as ->-bleeped-<-

[Devin87]

I feel more like I'm never gonna find a guy who accepts me as I am.  Usually that doesn't bother me much, but lately it has been...

[Natkat]

yeah it tend to be lonely somethimes. I somethimes feel lonely cause transition makes me so diffrent"
its not only about whatever people know im trans or not, it just the experience you get from it, and new ways to view the life who makes you diffrent from everybody ells. you could ignore it and fit in but mostly I dont want to cause its a part of me.

[Adam (birkin)]

It really depends on how I feel at the time. Generally speaking, I try not to let it get me down. I think the hardest thing is when people struggle to see me for who I am (as male).

[supremecatoverlord]

I don't even have a girlfriend.

Sometimes I feel I have next to no one who I can really relate to - and that doesn't include anything transition related, since I don't really talk about that with anyone.

[Keaira]

Yes. My Sister Jannie always complained about being lonely. When she passed away on Wednesday she was at least with the man she loved, but he works so much that she hardly got to see him much. Add to that the fact that her ex had filed a restraining order so she couldnt have any contact with her children.... yes, Transition is lonely and at times heartbreaking.

[Simon]

Keaira, I'm sorry about the passing of your sister.

Yes, transition is lonely. I have a gf but no real friends...just acquaintances. I think being a transsexual mentally puts someone in a place where they're more cautious about who they associate with. I'm not very comfortable hanging out with cis males and I'd be more likely to spot a unicorn in my tiny town than another transman.

[Sam/Gabriel]

I actually found myself more lonely when I DID have a girlfriend. But that's probably because she admitted that she saw me as a girl and that she was a lesbian (leading to our immediate break up). My family is unsupportive, but I have many friends who are. And even my best friend, a very "manly" guy, is totally accepting. In a very conservative town, in a high school with a GSA of five or six people, it does seem a little intimidating at times, but I try not to let it get to me

[CursedFireDean]

I actually found myself more lonely when I DID have a girlfriend. But that's probably because she admitted that she saw me as a girl and that she was a lesbian (leading to our immediate break up). My family is unsupportive, but I have many friends who are. And even my best friend, a very "manly" guy, is totally accepting. In a very conservative town, in a high school with a GSA of five or six people, it does seem a little intimidating at times, but I try not to let it get to me

Hey I go to a school so conservative we don't even HAVE a GSA :/
I've never dated anyone ever, so I do get extremely lonely at times :c

[KamTheMan]

I wasn't incredibly social even before I realized I wanted to transition, so now I'm definitely lonely. I haven't had a girlfriend or had sex in five years since maybe 4-5 months after I turned 19 (I'm 24 and 1 month). Socially I just have no idea what to do anymore. I'm too scared to go to straight bars, clubs, etc. since I look so young and my hips are wide, and I worry I'm hiding this big secret. I'm accepted as a guy when I talk to random people out and about (check out lines, etc) but don't know how to actually make friends. The most bro time I get is when I'm in a store or w/e and have random quick chats with dudes. Plus I'm always lying about my age, usually saying I'm 19 because I definitely don't look 24. I wish I could have straight male friends, but I live in Orange County, CA where the bros aren't known for being accepting, so taking a chance on one feels terrifying. I'm also too scared to go to the one lesbian night in my area because I'm not a lesbian and I'm worried about not being accepted there, even though it would be cool to have queer friends or maybe meet a bisexual girl. The last time I started to hook up with a lesbian she kept trying to push her hands up my binder and down my pants, both of which are no fly zones for me, so I won't be trying that again anytime soon. It sucks because I feel like I need to socialize more as male to be sure I'm making the right decision, but at the same time I feel like I need to transition fully (for me this means testosterone til I have some facial hair & a good amount of fat distribution/muscle growth, and top surgery) to have the confidence to socialize and actually try to make friends as male. I tend to over-think everything. I'm really hoping I'll have the courage to go to the Orange County FTM meeting tomorrow night. It's only once a month, and sometimes not at all. so if I miss it it sucks. I've never been because I don't know what to say or what kinds of guys will be there (young/old/etc) so I always scare myself off. But I'll never have the chance to meet guys in a similar situation as me if I don't at least check it out so, like I said, I'm really hoping I'll suck it up and go.

[ford]

I moved to a new town this summer. My husband is off at a year-long training thingy (he's military) and I'm on my own and going to school. I've made a few acquintances, but no real friends. Lonely is an understatement.

BUT. I am doing a crazy thing this evening. I'm going to our local Gender Alliance meeting for the first time. I'm a social anxiety nutcase, so this is a big deal for me. Despite the terror, I'm looking forward to meeting other interesting folks like myself

[Sam/Gabriel]

Hey I go to a school so conservative we don't even HAVE a GSA :/
I've never dated anyone ever, so I do get extremely lonely at times :c

That sucks, man. In Canada, it's the law that every high- and middle school has to have a GSA.

[CursedFireDean]

That sucks, man. In Canada, it's the law that every high- and middle school has to have a GSA.

I wish there were such laws in the Southern US :/ But we do have a Human Rights Alliance which is kind of an unofficial GSA. Our HRA goes to a diversity alliance conference every year and I have a chance to meet with other schools' GSA's there.

[Sam/Gabriel]

I wish there were such laws in the Southern US :/ But we do have a Human Rights Alliance which is kind of an unofficial GSA. Our HRA goes to a diversity alliance conference every year and I have a chance to meet with other schools' GSA's there.

That't cool, we do that too. Here's hoping for more GSAs in the Southern US

[Liminal Stranger]

I can relate. I have an extremely unsupportive mother who tenses up and flips out at even the slightest hint of my "mental condition" rearing its head, and only a couple of friends to whom I have actually explained the whole thing. According to my lovely mother, I do not have "friends", but rather "school acquaintances" who wouldn't want to be bothered with my "nonsense". My boyfriend and I are finally okay after a very rocky period of time, but even though he's fully supportive of me, any mention of my home life and he sobs hysterically about my terrible family. Of course, mom comes along again to tell me that if I actually "messed with anything" that he'd run in the opposite direction. Thanks for always being there for me, Mom.

Then there's my dad, who was logical about it but is crossing his fingers that I'll stop being crazy. At least I had an intake appointment with a therapist, who will hopefully have the mental strength to listen to my pity party. Oh, the joys of teenage ->-bleeped-<-.

But yeah, I have a near-constant feeling of loneliness which I try to drown out with the mind-numbing effects of the Interwebs.

[chuck]

I do.

Then I start thinking about detaching myself from everyone and living with a horse in the wild.

This guy right here. If you ever actually want to do that, let me know. Super serious. 

But i think life can be lonely sometimes. I am alone most of the time, but to be honest, I dont feel lonely. I think that feeling of loneliness comes from wanting others to validate us. I have certainly had my times of feeling lonely, but now I kind of like it. I dont make close friendships and i dont have to worry about what anyone else is doing at any time. I never have to take anyone's feelings into consideration, and i think life is so much easier. 

[AdamMLP]

I'm a loner.  It's the way I've always been, I just don't make friends easily.  I tend to have one person in my life at a time, but they always seem to screw me over eventually in the worst possible ways.  At the moment I have my girlfriend, a couple of acquaintances from college and one person that I used to be very close to, but now we occasionally talk and I go to them about trans things because they're the only person who really knows how I feel and they're trans themselves, but unfortunately they live about 500 miles away.

I think if I was cis then I might make friends a little easier because I'm not living as male at the moment.  I don't get on with girls particularly well, and boys don't want to be friends with me, but they're starting to come around now they know they can talk to me about manly stuff and if they throw a block of ice at me I'm going to throw it back twice as hard

[ReverseRainbow]

I think at one point we're all lonely. Thats the nature of it.
I know I have absolutely no one to talk to. The only people who I've told about transitioning are two of my friends, its not that they're against it, they just don't really know how to take it.
And thats why I live on the internet.

[Shortman]

Get a hobby.

I am serious.  You can't spend all your time trapped in your own head, worrying about passing, and all the other crap that goes along with transition.

Hobbies are a great way to meet new people and make friends.  You can choose male dominated hobbies if you really want to get in the male space, or more gender balanced ones if you want to meet women, yet still be around guys.

Hobbies can include volunteering, games, crafts, sports, and pretty much any other club you can think of.

Your geekier hobbies can be more tolerant if you're not passing at this point.  Most geeks haven't fit in most of their lives, so are often accepting of others in a similar boat.

Shortman

[supremecatoverlord]

Get a hobby.

Hobbies can include volunteering, games, crafts, sports, and pretty much any other club you can think of.

Your geekier hobbies can be more tolerant if you're not passing at this point.  Most geeks haven't fit in most of their lives, so are often accepting of others in a similar boat.

Shortman

Yeah, dude...I have plenty hobbies and I'm pretty sure most of us do. Sometimes it doesn't totally ameliorate the situation. I have friends, but no one I feel truly close to is more of my problem. It's not like everyone here is a recluse and doesn't get out of the house and it at least attempt to socialize, because that's sort of how you made it seem.