What's stopping you ?

[Emily Aster]

Wow. Well, on the bright side, having no spouse or kids makes it easier since you don't have to worry about any hurt feelings upon coming out or super tight finances.

Sorry, I'm a hopeless optimist.

Not to be a pessimist, but as a single person myself, I find that being single just makes me more clingy to the few friends I do have and that makes it (err made) it harder to risk losing it.

[King Malachite]

The biggest reason why I'm not transitioning right now is because of my living situation. I live with my mom and she is a very religious person.  She wouldn't be very accepting of me. 

Another reason is location.  Where I live, resources are scarce and it is a small, conservative town.

Hormones-wise- The things that are stopping me from taking them is my living situation of course, and also my health problems.  I'm borderline high blood pressure and I need to get that sorted out first before hand.  Diabetes runs in my family too so yeah.  Sadly it will be years before I can take hormones. 

[Emily Aster]

The biggest reason why I'm not transitioning right now is because of my living situation. I live with my mom and she is a very religious person.  She wouldn't be very accepting of me. 

She may surprise you. My mother's also very religious and she's the first person I told. She's very supportive.

[King Malachite]

She may surprise you. My mother's also very religious and she's the first person I told. She's very supportive.

I wish, but I doubt it.  I tried to come out to her slowly one time by telling her that I wish to dress like a male,etc, but her cell phone rang, and after she got off the phone I was trying to continue the convo but she cut me off and told me that she didn't want to hear anymore about it.  Stupid phone.

[Emily Aster]

I wish, but I doubt it.  I tried to come out to her slowly one time by telling her that I wish to dress like a male,etc, but her cell phone rang, and after she got off the phone I was trying to continue the convo but she cut me off and told me that she didn't want to hear anymore about it.  Stupid phone.

Sorry to hear that. I thought the doubt was just from past experiences. My mother had voiced her dislike of trans people when I was around middle school, so it always kind of scared me.

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

In some of the other threads "Regrets" seen to be the order of the day-And one of the biggest ones:

"I wish I had transitioned when I was younger !"

I guess it's important for you younger ones to realise-it's still possible to successfully transition in your 30s 40s 50s or 60 +, even if you have married and have children...However the male/ female baggage "regrets" accumulated, can for some [but not all] be harder to get rid of...Especially if the regrets are laced with 'guilt' !

Even though nowadays the general public are more informed about the transsexual condition [one could even say more accepting], but when it comes to taking that first step on the path which leads across the gender-bridge/divide 'coming out' still fills some with the same fears and anxieties as those of us who transitioned a decade or decades ago, in the 'bad' old days-the dark ages...

Metta Zenda

[hazel]

Let's see, self doubts, I over think and second guess myself in every part of life, no surprise I'm doing it with this.

Telling friends and family.

Fear of bringing negative attention onto myself and/or being ostracized to some degree.

Not passing.

Potentially being alone if I do, right now my options are gay men who are what 1 in 10 or something? I can't help but think the percentage of people open to being with a transgender person would be lower still.

Having to live full time before the NHS will give you hrt, scary.

Think that kind of covers everything.

[crazy at the coast]

I wanted to transition in my twenties, but money, fear of what others thought and not being able to find doctors and therapists to help squelched my dreams of doing it then. I was also worried that I would never be able to even be remotely believable as a woman. It took becoming so miserable that I just didn't care what the consequences were anymore and the internet helping me with some resources until I was finally able to do something about it, and at the time, I had absolutely nothing to lose anymore.

[AwishForXX]

Wow, what's stopping me?

I'm married and I couldn't bear loosing my wife and sons. My wife and I are both Christian and fairly active in our pentecostal church. (I have no problem reconciling my faith with my being transgendered or the possibility of transitioning)  I do fear loosing my church support though, I briefly talked with my pastor and he was so badly misinformed it was tragic to see his knee jerk Trans-phobia and homophobia jump up and say "Hi There!"  He obviously could not separate transgender from homosexuality so after a total of 45 seconds on this topic I left him to think.

My employer is also hugely homophobic and also confuses transgendered persons as being just homosexuals.  If I even come out there, I'd loose my job.

I'm 43 years old and my body and face by now have been very masculinized by the years of testosterone in my system.  I fear that I would never look like the "Me" I know is in here.  I'm afraid of never being able to pass.

Of course I fear the unknown but I have managed to come out to a very select few people I grew up with, one of my brothers and his wife, my mother, an aunt and a cousin as well as a former "girlfriend" that I have stayed in touch with and is the mother of my first daughter.  (She knew of my cross dressing when we shared an apartment 20 years ago.)

to close this little circle of fear I have around me I come back to my wife whom I love dearly, I have not been able to gather the courage to tell her of my darkest secret and I fear hurting her.

I do deeply want to transition but I don't think I can pay the price transition demands.  I keep thinking that to transition would be extreemly selfish of me to abandon everyone and everything just to change my assigned sex. (I know that isn't true, but head knowledge and heart knowledge conflict on this point). 

Yes I know it is going to tear me up, but as Ms. OBrien VT's signature says. "It does not take courage or bravery to change your gender.  It takes fear of living one more day in the wrong one."  I'm not there yet.

[Charlequin]

Finances are the only thing stopping me at this point, but hopefully that will soon change! I have a job interview at a place I would really love to work at, and have applied there multiple times.

I have the whole thing planned out in my mind. The moment I get my first paycheck, I'm going to open a savings account and start putting a bunch of my money into there. With what's left over, I'm planning on slowly changing my wardrobe. Replace a pair of my jeans with the jeans I really like every so often, replace my male shoes (though there are some I'm going to hang on to because they're pretty unisex) with the shoes I would rather wear, get some heels and boots in there as well, get some universal accessories I like and incorporate them all into my weekly wardrobe so the people around me get used to me in my proper attire. I'm also wanting to get my ears pierced, because I really love earrings. Come June/July, I would like to get started on HRT, I feel like I should have a decent amount of money built up in my savings by then.

But of course, things could not turn out the way I would like them to at all. Totally a very frustrating option!

[Trixie]

I'm scared. It all comes down to fear. I wish I could come out, but I just can't. Much too scared.

[Gene]

Definitely fear of the unknown. I'm scared because it's such a huge change and I can't be certain the outcome. I oft wonder if I'm maybe better off not transitioning and playing it safe. Then I worry I may miss something great.

[Carrie Liz]

My biggest fear was fear of not passing. Fear of ending up as some he-she-it person that was teased and laughed at and looked nothing like a real woman. I thought that my situation was hopeless in that regard for so long because whenever I looked at myself and saw my big shoulders and masculine face and unfeminine legs, I just felt like there was no hope of me ever looking like a real girl. (That was, until I learned that HRT really could fix all of that. Once I found that out, NOTHING was going to stop me.)

I'll admit, I am still a little afraid of this, though. The changes of HRT are painstakingly slow at times, and there's still no way to see what I'll eventually look like, so it's still a fear of mine, that I'm not ever going to truly look like the woman I want to be. It takes watching a LOT of post-hormone videos and looking at a LOT of post-hormone pictures to constantly remind me that it really is going to happen, and there's no reason to be so afraid.

[Cindy]

This has been an interesting thread and we can certainly see common reasons of factors that stop people. Fear of course is major and fear of losing family, particularly wife and kids are very high. Jobs and religion are close as well.

I think it would be useful for posters to state what country they are in and whether there are sex discrimination laws are in force in the areas (States, regions, work places) they are in.

To clarify, many members have the assumption that we are all from the USA, a very common assumption for people from the USA about virtually everything . But fortunately incorrect, this Site is truly global and we have the opportunities to see how laws operate to protect or fail to protect people in different countries.

This will be valuable in helping people decide what information they should pass to their politicians to create good law for people.

And I would suggest that this is useful because laws can change how we live and operate in society - no matter what personal opinions are held by people we interact with.

I am well known here so I will not re-iterate my position. But for those who do not know. I am a very high profile professional in South Australia in the Health system. As people may recall I did not transition as I was terrified of the ridicule and of losing my job. AND, if not losing my job, being unable to function in my job due to people side-lining, ignoring me, manipulating budgets etc etc.
In my job I have to relate to and manage aggressive, assertive senior management level people, all of whom are ambitious and capable.

In the end I had a choice, be me or die. Simple. Death may not have been defined as the end of physical life, but as the end of being able to function. I was too unhappy.

I transitioned, on the job, straight out.  Not quite but pretty damn close. "Hi. I'm having a sex change, if anyone has a problem I'm happy to talk about it. If you can accept me, great! if you can't? it's not my problem, you can deal with it.

Yes South Australia has excellent sex discrimination laws. Not a single person has said anything negative to me. Not a single decision that can I find has been influenced by my gender. Not a single committee that I sit on has even blinked when I enter and join, not a single  one-on-one talk has been awkward. No man and no woman who I work with has displayed any outward appearance of discomfort with dealing with me.

In fact my happiness and my assertiveness as the woman I am, has progressed my career. The opposite of what I was so fearful of.

So our perception of fear can be very wrong; and people can be effectively protected by sensible law.

Cindy

[kelly_aus]

This is well after the fact for me..

Nothing stopped me.. Once I realised that coming out and transitioning was something I needed to do, I did it.. Was I scared? Sure, very much so, but I also realised that his was something I needed to do - and if the world didn't like it, oh well..

I didn't lose my friends and family like I thought I would. I haven't had any more employment issues than I had before.

Oh, and I'm from the same place as Cindy - sunny South Australia.

[AwishForXX]

I think it would be useful for posters to state what country they are in and whether there are sex discrimination laws are in force in the areas (States, regions, work places) they are in.

Great Idea Cindy,

I'm in BC, Canada. and yes there are laws in place here to protect TG people.  I'm not sure of all the specifics yet but so far I've found this... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Canada 

I know that the laws are there to protect me in the work place, it does not mean that I will be able to keep my job, an employer can make a work place hostile to an individual in the hopes that they just go away, (many do).  An employer can also simply dismiss you or lay you off. and claim religious grounds.  Unfortunately I fear either of these situations are where I will find myself. 

C.

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

Just following up on Cindy's post, when it comes to LGBTQ rights, this is how it stands in Aotearoa [NZ]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_New_Zealand

Metta Zenda

[Carrie Liz]

I think it would be useful for posters to state what country they are in and whether there are sex discrimination laws are in force in the areas (States, regions, work places) they are in.

I'm from Ohio in the good old USA. And honestly, until now I had never really researched whether my state or my employer had gender identity covered under their discrimination policies or not (I'm still new to this... having lived my whole life as a white male, discrimination is not something that I'm used to thinking about.) So thanks for the impetus, because I now have the peace of mind of knowing that, although the state of Ohio has no laws protecting against discrimination based on gender identity, the company I work for, Ceasar's Entertainment, does indeed include gender identity under its corporate policy. (Plus has apparently received perfect scores on the HRC's Corporate Equality Index for 6 years straight. So that is AWESOME!)

[Huan Cao]

Kia Ora,

I'm sure similar threads have been started, but I'll start another one anyway...


What do you think the main thing is at the moment that's stopping you from transitioning?  [keeping you in limbo so to speak]

For example is it :

* Family/friends-fear of losing them. or they might want to hurt you in some way if you do
* Religious belief [it's a sin]
* Finances
* Not being able to blend in
* Not being able to get work
* Not being able to find a partner
* Lack of confidence
* Fear of the unknown

And if you've already transitioned what was your fear prior to transitioning? And did it eventuate ?

Did you jump out of the 'pre-transition' frying pan... into the 'post-transition' fire ?

Or was your worry just paying interest on trouble that 'never' came ?


Metta Zenda

For me:
1. It is family members (parents).
2. Fear of not being able to find work. I do not have secure, stable income yet.
3. Fear of continuous discrimination at public places and workplace.

Thus, I wish I could easily network with other transexual women in my local area for all kinds of support. I live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area of Texas.

[Comrade Eva]

(1) Family/friends: this is a real fear as I do not know how they will react.
(2) Religious belief: This is not much of an issue
(3) Finances: this is a real problem
(4) Not being able to blend in: a Great Fear
(5) Not being able to get work: i already can't get work so this isn't an issue
(6)Not being able to find a partner: same as above
(7) Lack of confidence: Always a problem
( Fear of the unknown: sort of but not really.
I am only out to a few friends and many of them do not care about gender.
Due to my political beliefs (Revolutionary Socialist) and Sexuality (Attracted to girls) i have been very much isolated from the local Queer community (Auckland NZ)