I was watching a trans documentary and all three came out as "gay" before coming out as trans. I wonder how many trans people come out as "gay" first. Two trans people got married at the end (to each other) and both were straight, so I think it made it clear that trans does not equal gay. I liked it. Anyway...
People used to call me gay or insinuate that I was attracted to women. I don't know why. They had only known me to date guys and I'm pretty sure the ones who called me gay wouldn't have thought of trans first. I wonder what would have happened if I had just let myself act naturally. I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't been so ashamed/confused and hadn't pretended to be a girl. But then, I can't really imagine how I would have known I could be a boy. I know. "How could I not know?" Because I thought I was insane and because knowing what I look like is still disorientating.
Sometimes, I wonder how much of my anger as a teenager was caused by part of me knowing I was guy. Then I think, "Nah. It was because all of me knew I was the oldest son, but I was expected to play the scapegoat daughter."
