Using the men's room

[Nygeel]

To what? "Trans men only"?

I said it's intended for trans men. You said I was wrong. So if it's not intended for trans men then the section's subtitle should be changed to whatever you think it's supposed to be since it's not intended for trans men.

[Sarah Louise]

Please, lets try to calm down folks, fighting isn't going to help us.

[DriftingCrow]

I don't think people's concerns are all their heads. In my support group, several guys who do not completely pass have gotten harrassed--sometimes in both restrooms. I'm pretty sure it's easier than with mtfs, but people who say there is no issue at all aren't totally aware of the situation.

One clear advantage is that no one is expecting a conversation or eye contact.

--Jay

Yeah there's def certain places and times during the day/evening when I wouldn't use the men's room. I purposely choose this specific bathroom because there's the security booth right outside the bathroom door and the place where the city and transit police stand just about 20 feet away, figuring if anything went drastically wrong a scream would certainly be heard. Though I feel really safe up here in this area of the country and being in a city that's pretty LGBT friendly.

And about the legality of using the other restroom... the US Supreme Court declared "separate but equal" unconstitutional in Brown v Board of Education, some states might have something on the books but none that I am aware of (though I haven't looked up the law in all 50 states) but in MA and RI you can legally use whatever bathroom you want. ( Though a security guard or whatever might ask yuo to leave if they get lots of complaints. )

I thought the reference to kahones or sissies was said in more of a humorous over a serious way, especially since she put a smiley face next to the sissies reference. I don't think she was saying anyone is a sissy if they don't put themselves in a dangerous situation. Maybe I am wrong, but I hear men joke with each other all the time about being wusses, etc. so I just don't take any of that personally.

[Devlyn]

Sigh. Wheat thins, it's a board for trans mens topics.

Nygeel, it's for trans mens topics. Anyone can discuss the issues here.

[Kevin Peña]

Well, to be fair, this board focuses primarily on FTM trans issues. However, that doesn't mean that MTFs can't take part. If anything, having lived as men in society, we can provide some valid input. It's why I welcome FTM posts on any MTF topic. 

I only have a problem when a trans woman comes to a board for trans men and tells us in a not so respectful manner how to "act like men", to "get some cojones", and asking us to make the decision of whether we are going to "be a man or be a sissy".

Well, I'm sure she was joshing. I've seen guys mess around like that many times. Still, if you have no reason to be scared to use the rest room, then use it. 

[wheat thins are delicious]

To be fair the subtitle of this board is:

A place for female to male transsexuals to talk about issues they face in their daily lives.

[AdamMLP]

I think people just need to think sensibly, if you're in a situation where it is clearly not a good idea for you to use the male bathroom then don't.   For example, me where many people know me although I might not recognise them, or if you don't pass well at all, or are still presenting female.  However I read the post as saying to men who do pass, but just haven't had the push to go and use the mens.

FWIW I don't have a problem with women posting here, especially if they have input on things we don't all know, i.e. bathroom etiquette.  And plenty of us don't seem to identify as transsexual, does that mean we shouldn't post here either?

[Devlyn]

To be fair the subtitle of this board is:

A place for female to male transsexuals to talk about issues they face in their daily lives.

Trust me on this one. I walk around with a printed copy of the TOS. You should brush up on them. Anyone can post here.

[Kevin Peña]

Please, lets try to calm down folks, fighting isn't going to help us.

I agree. We already take crap from a lot of people out there. We don't need to be at each other's throats too. 

[DriftingCrow]

Trust me on this one. I walk around with a printed copy of the TOS. You should brush up on them. Anyone can post here.

I think this side of the board wouldn't be as good without the input from the ladies, and our hugs from Devlyn when we need them. Since they were socialized as male, they can give invaluable tips and input that we otherwise can't get easily.

Either way, I love you guys and girls so let's be friends! 

[wheat thins are delicious]

Just to be clear I have no problem with MTFs on this board, as long as we can all be respectful of each other.  It's the way it was done that is the problem.  But either way it doesn't matter I guess since all the commenters here seem to think disrespect of trans guys in such a way is perfectly fine. 

[Kevin Peña]

Visit the MTF board. We rip on each other all of the time. 

Anywho, I'd recommend using the stalls when you first start using the other bathroom. It'll ease the tension if no one sees you. 

[Flan]

To be fair the subtitle of this board is:

A place for female to male transsexuals to talk about issues they face in their daily lives.

Trust me on this one. I walk around with a printed copy of the TOS. You should brush up on them. Anyone can post here.

And posting in the "men's" section implies giving a certain amount of respect to those who identify as male. Let's not get this thread down to a pissing match over can post or who the advice goes to because of what society thinks of people in transition.

[Sarah Louise]

No, I just said ALL posts should be respectful.

Disrespect is not accepted here and I'm sorry if I missed a post and didn't edit it.

[Devlyn]

Trust me on this one. I walk around with a printed copy of the TOS. You should brush up on them. Anyone can post here.

And posting in the "men's" section implies giving a certain amount of respect to those who identify as male. Let's not get this thread down to a pissing match over can post or who the advice goes to because of what society thinks of people in transition.

Pissing match. I see what you did there!

[peky]

sannity check...having been froced to live in the male role, and deal with males most of my life I can tell you: a) that male do not have "issues," b) when a female talks or post about 'man thnigs" they just ignored her, they do not get "up set" or offended, c) most man would consider amusing to find a girl in their bathroom.

[DriftingCrow]

sannity check...having been froced to live in the male role, and deal with males most of my life I can tell you: a) that male do not have "issues," b) when a female talks or post about 'man thnigs" they just ignored her, they do not get "up set" or offended, c) most man would consider amusing to find a girl in their bathroom.

I do agree with (c), I once went into a men's room wearing 4 in heels and a mini skirt with a male friend, all the guys seemed to think it was amusing.

[Kevin Peña]

I once went into a men's room wearing 4 in heels and a mini skirt with a male friend, all the guys seemed to think it was amusing.

I don't know what's more amazing: the fact that you walked into a men's restroom dressed like that, or the fact that you can walk in 4 inch heels! 

[Joe.]

I think that everybody needs to take a breath and calm down. Come on everyone, we're family. I can see both sides of the argument here. Shantel was just trying to be nice and encouraging, maybe the right choice of words weren't used, but nevertheless she was trying to help us guys. I don't have an issue with any of the ladies posting here, I've posted in the MTF section before where I felt I could offer advice. Family don't always see eye to eye, but in the end, they forgive each other and forget about it. I think we should all leave it where it was, everybody has said how they feel. The number one reason I come to Susan's is because its like a family and the support. Let's not change what Susan's is about just because of a little misunderstanding.

Joey

[Liminal Stranger]

I think that everybody needs to take a breath and calm down. Come on everyone, we're family. I can see both sides of the argument here. Shantel was just trying to be nice and encouraging, maybe the right choice of words weren't used, but nevertheless she was trying to help us guys. I don't have an issue with any of the ladies posting here, I've posted in the MTF section before where I felt I could offer advice. Family don't always see eye to eye, but in the end, they forgive each other and forget about it. I think we should all leave it where it was, everybody has said how they feel. The number one reason I come to Susan's is because its like a family and the support. Let's not change what Susan's is about just because of a little misunderstanding.

Joey

I agree 1000% with this. I don't think Shantel meant any harm with this thread, because sometimes a gentle kick in the pants is what we need to take a step forward. Her intention doesn't seem to be to have someone who has just started out and has trouble passing go and use the men's room if they live in, say, a small town in a Bible Belt state where they might be harassed or jumped for "using the wrong restroom". I think gendered bathrooms are ridiculous to have without having a gender-neutral bathroom containing more than one stall, so that everyone can be happy, but as long as someone is passing well and doesn't have any serious threat to fear on the offhand chance that they are clocked, why not go for it?

Also, I'm kind of hurt seeing the comments on how this is an FTM board for trans men only. Guys, we've got a board like that. This one is for us to share our ups and downs and questions and answers- the ladies can be just as insightful. Every trans* member here is a minority- why further split up the community? What do we do with genderqueer people- do they post in the respective gender's thread depending on how they feel that day? Do agender people suddenly become restricted to posting in a section of their own? Bigender people? Trigender? Please, let's all be the family this forum is meant to be, instead of bashing on one another over word choice or being on the "wrong side" of the fence to post in a board.
Remember: Together we stand, divided we fall.