There's been discussion surrounding this sort of thing on here but I can't recall a direct, specific thread about it. I'm talking about only wanting certain body/appearance changes.
Is it because it goes against the grain? If established treatment protocols have sort-of been set up, does someone wanting only certain things out of treatment throw a monkey wrench it in for anyone else? I thought the whole point of any treatment in trans* cases was to get the person to a place where they feel comfortable in their own skin and can face society like that and live as full and "normal" of a life as possible?
To me, there's also a dichotomy between what you can individually accept/cope with/feel good about/be comfortable with and what society can. And it's up to the individual to decide how important it is that society accept them like they accept themselves.
It seems to me that for most trans* people, that "being accepted by society as your actual gender" is paramount. If it isn't, then you're often just labeled as genderqueer or androgynous or something else. Honestly, I find it a bit unsettling how strict some viewpoints are on this and I wonder why?
Take the non-trans* person ... most people have at least one or more things they would like to change about themselves. Maybe it's something simple like they want to lose weight or gain more muscle. But there's also people who want things like breast or penis enlargement. At the end of the day, a lot of them want those sorts of things to feel more comfortable with themselves and to have other people in society see a certain thing. So why then, is it okay for a non-trans person to only want a bigger unit, but if that's all a trans* person wants that's no okay for many people?
I can admit that's one of the things I want. There's a few other things too. I could try hormones again (gel, not injections) in an attempt to gain some of those things that would make me more comfortable, but there's a lot of things I don't want (beyond health risks or otherwise "bad" side effects). Being even more hairy than I am would be a total bummer (especially if I don't plan on ever getting top surgery). Losing hair would seriously be a bummer that I've have trouble dealing with on multiple levels (considering I'm not transitioning). Sure, those are what most would consider vanity things but if they're things that would make me less comfortable, they become roadblocks. That and health issues are the major reasons why I have not tried any other form of hormone treatment since the last time I did. Furthermore, if I did, I would only try it for a short time and my levels would be monitored like a hawk the entire time. These things really seem to rub some people the wrong way ... but why? I'm the type of person that's not very keen on just "accepting what is, is" for some things. It's taken me years and a lot of trial and error to even come close to "accepting" issues I have with my body. The few things that have worked though make me feel amazing. It's like a weight just lifts off.
I usually cite certain reasons for not actually transitioning, but at my core, I feel, "why SHOULD I need to transition? I'm just me." My gender doesn't often come up in day to day life. Sure, other people who know me know me a certain way but I don't put on an act either. While I don't introduce myself with, "Hi I'm so'n'so oh and by the way I'm transsexual and don't have the standard issue female body" (that's part of my private life anyway), that doesn't also mean that I'm not just being myself around other people, regardless of how they choose to "see"me. I know my appearance makes some people wonder, but that's really something I don't mind. Plenty of people have an issue with not being seen specifically as one gender or the other. But I've pretty much lived my whole life like that.
The only things that have really changed for me in the past few years is the number of people I'm close to who I felt comfortable enough to tell. All of the people I have told have been very accepting, which is great. I try not to have regrets that I should have told more people in my life earlier on. It is what it is now and that is one thing I can accept. If I feel like I can confide that in someone and they can keep it to themselves, then I consider it.
Basically a lot of this is me thinking out loud. I've been dealing with a lot of dysphoria the last year and actually had one tiny breakthrough this week on feeling better about it. But I'm still considering options and alternate ways to bring about more acceptance of my body and no matter how I slice it, I still only want certain things. Still don't think that makes me any less male.
Feel free to add your thoughts ...
