You know, it's really a hard question. On the one hand, I was SO happy as a kid, and I had NO IDEA that I would hate going through a male puberty so much. I lost so much when all of that finally started happening... I lost my beautiful soprano voice that had gotten me into the all-state honors choir, and I still haven't gotten over that even 13 years later. If I had known that there was even the slightest possibility of me being able to stop that, I would have. But I didn't even know that t-blockers existed at the time. And if I had known then that I would lose my very sense of self, that it was even possible for someone to NOT like their own body... God... that just kills me that I never knew that. And yet I did. I hated my body hair so much, and hated getting so tall, and hated being so stocky and muscular and masculine instead of cute like I always was, and had I known that such a thing was even possible, I would have done this a long time ago, and stopped my puberty as soon as it started.
But on the other hand, I would NOT want to go back to being a teenager again, even if it meant actually enjoying my precious teen years like I was never able to in real life, and spending my entire early adult life actually being myself. Like it or not, although my gender dysphoria has cost me so much in life, sent me spiraling into this terrible depressed state for so many years where I just felt like it was hopeless and cried myself to sleep at night, it has made me who I am. Because I was sad, because I was lonely, because I was going through something so hopeless and painful and downright alienating, I really had to go on a huge mission of self-discovery, and it has taught me so much about the world, made me so much more giving, so much less judgmental, so much more understanding of other people's faults, and so much more compassionate, that I would not trade that kind of emotional growth for anything in the world. And now that I'm finally on the path to being my true self, and am finally free from all of that pain, it's a true blessing to be able to look back and know that I have learned something truly special, something that almost NOBODY gets the chance to learn in such a life-changing way.
If I could just go back to being a teenager, keeping everything that I know now and keeping the entire life circumstances that came afterward, and then immediately transport myself back to my current life at age 27 but now having the body completely feminized, having gone through the correct female puberty, with the proper bone structure and with my unchanged voice still intact, I would in a heartbeat. But I would not go back if it meant becoming a completely different person, and forgetting all that I've learned from this (admittedly terrible) experience. The good Lord put me through this for a reason, and it would feel like betrayal to go back if it meant losing all of the character growth that I had to fight so hard to get in the first place. I would not trade that for anything in the world.
