Wow

[Imreallyconfused]

I didn't plan on doing this for a long time and I mean probably till I was on HRT and they would notice the change, but I inadvertently came out to my mother. She is EXTREMELY religious so this was really scary. I just talked about seeing a therapist and 15 minutes later she knew pretty much what was going on. To my surprise, I found out one of the priests in our church who is a former Marine like myself is a certified Gender Therapist. I didn't see that one coming. That hit me harder than I think my situation hitting her.

I explained what had been going on and I told her about HRT, what it does, and she asked me if that's what I wanted to do and I said yes. She was shocked, but she wasn't how I imagined her to be. She seemed overly understanding and even explained that there wasn't anything wrong with me because I was born like this. I was so shocked I almost cried in front of my mother.

[MellowMoxxi]

Congratulations! It's good to hear when someone doesn't get hit with a brick wall when they come out. Good luck

[Imreallyconfused]

It was the second biggest sign of relief ever. Last time I told her something like this, she went off the deep end, but now it was a direct 180 degree turn around. I was floored when she didn't flip out. I'm glad to see that she understands what I'm going through and what I want to do. Now I just have to tell my father, which now that I think about it, will be harder because he's a man. I guess when that time comes I'll let him know about it and let him know that mom is aware. It's crazy to think that sometimes even the most crucial people can actually have a soft side to them.

[tomthom]

I'm jealous. my mother is literally the biggest brick wall right now.

[Imreallyconfused]

Well I eased her into it pretty much. I was very vague about it and eventually got into it. Try not to throw a brick at her, I guess tickle the wall a bit to get the guard down and slowly ease her into it. If not, then I pray for your mother to someday loosen up a bit.

[tomthom]

been about 5 months of therapy and constant talking about it. brick wall for life at this point.

[Dee]

I'm glad it went so much better than you expected!  And also very fortunate it did come out, even if it was inadvertent- you're going to need a lot of caring people in your corner as you start to transition.  Of course, I don't know your whole situation, but waiting until you've already started HRT to tell the core people- family, close friends, etc- could do more to push them away (i.e. withholding information).  Everyone is going to have their reaction, good or bad.  You may as well have your conversations with those you hold closest, because their support is going to make the awkward/early stages soooo much easier.  Plus, yanno...you want to get all giddy with them when you start them pills/patches/injections, right? 

/Lecture.  Congrats!

[Imreallyconfused]

been about 5 months of therapy and constant talking about it. brick wall for life at this point.

Well the only other thing I can think of is pure denial on her part. Most likely the constant talking about it makes her close up because she feels the situation is being pushed into her corner without a second thought. I'd give her some time and when she feels capable of talking she will come to you about it. That's the only other idea I can really think of about it right now. Everyone is different and if/when the time comes she will tell you if shes for/against what your doing, but at least you'll know from her mouth.

I'm glad it went so much better than you expected!  And also very fortunate it did come out, even if it was inadvertent- you're going to need a lot of caring people in your corner as you start to transition.  Of course, I don't know your whole situation, but waiting until you've already started HRT to tell the core people- family, close friends, etc- could do more to push them away (i.e. withholding information).  Everyone is going to have their reaction, good or bad.  You may as well have your conversations with those you hold closest, because their support is going to make the awkward/early stages soooo much easier.  Plus, yanno...you want to get all giddy with them when you start them pills/patches/injections, right? 

/Lecture.  Congrats!

That's a good lecture. So far besides the good men and women on this forum, I have only told a friend who is bi and my mother. Therapists don't count in my book as telling someone. I was close to telling a couple other friends, but I don't know if I should or not. I want to tell my dad and brother, but I'm now more afraid of them than anyone else. I was actually thinking of just posting it on my FB for everyone to see and get it over with. GAHHH THIS IS HORRIBLE!! I can keep a secret till the day I die easily, but then having to come out and tell it to someone feels like the end of the world to me. The more nervous I get the faster i type and the more and more I want to just have a heart attack and keel over. Ohhh goodness gracious. I'll figure something out eventually I know I will, but right now telling people is harder than thinking about changing my body into a woman.

[Cindy]

Nice post Melly,

Really happy for you. As you said we can never predict peoples reactions we just have to believe in ourselves and cope as best we can.

There is nothing wrong with us and we have a right to our life., just like everyone else.

Hugs and Good Luck for the future

Cindy

[Imreallyconfused]

Thank you and good luck to everyone on this forum who welcomed me with open arms and accepted me for who I am. I can say with honesty and some serious tears (been crying on and off for the past 4 days, still haven't found out why) thank you. Thank you for helping me get a grip on whats going on and how I can change myself into what I know I am and what I want to be. It would be an honor for me if by some chance I got to meet everyone. Some many large swelled up hearts, filled with love for one another and devotion to ones self and the overall cause to help people find, accept, and be happy about themselves. I haven't been this happy, I don't think ever in my life.

Darn it, darn it. Here come the water works . Maybe its my pent up feelings being released or the inner girl saying its ok to cry, just let it all go. One way or another I feel good about myself and I wish the same to each and everyone here

[Jennygirl]

Such great news! Congratulations!

It's an amazing feeling huh?! Really happy for you

[Cindy]

Heee Heeee

People knowing you are you


AWESOME

[Imreallyconfused]

I just had another talk with my mother this morning and she explained to me why I didn't get the reaction I thought I'd get. From listening to sermons on Sunday she realized that God gives everyone a cross to bear. Each cross is lighter or heavier than another and what you do with that cross defines you as a person as well as in spirit with God. She told me that everything that's happened to me is for a reason and for this to finally come to the surface is proof that something is happening.

1. I come out to a friend and she loves me for me.
2. I join the best community of people I have ever had the pleasure to meet that made me feel at home and not alone.
3. I come out to my mother and she's supportive.
4. A priest at my church just happens to be a certified Gender Therapist and does this for a living
5. I pray and find one of my prayer necklaces I used to wear and the prayer is exactly what I need for whats going on.
6. There are no coincidences in life, but this seems to fall so tightly in a straight line in front of me it's hard not to walk the path.

I think that after seeing all of this unfold in front of me, this is what I was meant to do. Now all I need to do is keep going and see where it takes me.

[Dee]

Isn't it wild how these things can fall into place?

[Imreallyconfused]

Wild is an understatement. I just left a message for the therapist and hopefully I'll be able to get a call back today and set up a time to meet in person and talk. I'm going to look into another local therapist also for a second opinion, just in case.

[Rachel85]

Fantastic Melly! Congratultions!
I'm still at the "contemplating" stage of coming out to family and friends and I think my Mum will handle it in a similar way to yours. Think and hope. Dad however will be different as will the rest of the family. Friends could be tricky! I want to be able to talk to people one on one about it all but know that there are a lot of people out there and a FB post would solve A LOT of problems!
Sounds like your Mum is a good friend and will be supportive, cant ask for anything more
Also sounds like you have a good community too! Very happy for you!

[Imreallyconfused]

Well this is the community . I'm still slightly in shock from the non outburst that I was originally expecting. I was more floored by her reaction than when I told her and she reacted. It's just weird, but dad and brother will have to wait for a while. Probably a long while honestly till I can get sorted out and get on my way to doing what I wanted to do for the past 18 years of my life.

Take your time and do it when you feel is the right time. I kinda slipped up and it came out. Who knows, maybe if you coax your mother into it and slowly inch out to her she may react the same way my mother did. You'll be surprised how understanding friends can be. A friend was the first person I told before my parents, then I joined this community, and then mom found out. Hopefully you'll have the same result. I'll be praying and rooting for you.

[Rachel85]

Thank you!
I have to say that you girls, guys, everyone on this forum and community is fantastic and I too count myself lucky that I found you all here.
The bandaid treatment is soo tempting tho Melly! I have raised trans issues with her under the pretext of asking about "someone I know through work" and she was not unreceptive at all, I told my Dr this and he said that maybe she already knows! Maybe! Hahahha! Never considered it until then, maybe I'm not nearly as subtle as I think I am, then again we have a great relationship and talk about all sorts of things anyway so it doesn't necessarily meant that is was so obvious. Going through it with a counselor soon and going to see what their thoughts are on the matter. I have a bi cisfemale friend that I have gone through it all with her and she's of the opinion to just tell everyone ASAP (like she did), why hide yourself from people? Again though, it's something I would much rather do one on one with close friends and my family than over the phone or by a letter.

[Imreallyconfused]

Well if that's the case and shes very receptive, then I'd come right out and tell her. I wouldn't want to ruin the relationship that is well established. I don't have that kind of relationship with my family. Honestly I don't tell them anything unless its really important. Right now my mother only prays and prays and dad is just out there because of work. I don't like to intrude on them so they are left in the dark until I say something. I'd love to have that kind of relationship with friends and family that you do. Because of previous mistakes and a lot of stupid crap, making up things to cover for my dysphoria and eventually everyone knows my life as what I tell them. Because I was originally going to take this to the grave, I have made the last 6 years of my life a living lie, just to comfort myself and not let anyone catch on. I've become so good at lying to people that I could make people believe anything that I wanted them to believe and it hurts inside that I did that to them. Don't end up like me and have to tell everyone that you've been lying to them or misleading them. If you think they will listen, let them hear what you have to say, I bet they will listen.

[Rachel85]

Thank you for the kind words Melly, I do count myself very lucky to have such a good relationship and generally supportive family, I just hope that this isn't the straw that breaks the camels back as it were.
I've come close many times to doing just that but always hold back. I don't want to hide myself from them but also do somewhat fear how they will react.
Believe me I have hid this for many years too so you aren't alone there! Not just from everyone else but tried the best to hide it from myself but that part is over! Well and truly!
For the record I really only have a couple of close friends that I could even consider talking this through with, a few of others that I'm not saying don't count, but I barely see and if they can't handle what I have to say then their loss not mine. My Grandmother has a poem in her kitchen that I've remembered since I was little, it goes

Friends are like diamonds,
precious and rare.
Enemies are like Autumn leaves,
found everywhere.

A nice little ditty although I've never thought that everyone who isn't a friend is an enemy!
Sounds to me like you won't be living the lie forever Melly, you're a step ahead of me in coming out, you're here and you aren't sweeping it under the rug anymore.
That's a good start to a new life in my books!
Please do let us know how things go with your therapist. I know that I'll be on here ASAP after I come out! hahahaha
You won't be able to shut me up! lol