his old name

[lostinanewworld]

hi! i have been lurking around this forum for  a few months now but it is now that  i have the courage to post something. i have a small problem but for me it feels huge!
i have been with my first ftm boyfriend for almost a year now and i still feel new to all of what comes with being with someone trans. something that my boyfriend asked me early in the relationship was if i wanted to know his old name which i said no to because i will forever think about him if i ever hear the the name. yeasterday i met his cousin for the first time and we had so much fun together. after a while of talking about childhood stories his cousin started talking about how different it was to having mike (not his real name) now and how different it was to having Charlotte (not his old name). he did not have the intention to out his old name but this is something that has really been stuck in my head now all night and morning!! i dont know if my boyfriend even noticed him using the old name (he hasn't said anything to me about it) but it is really bothering because there is someone at my workplace with the same name ... i dont know why it bothers me so much but i feel like crying ... i see that name now instead of his old one ....

[spacial]

If I may suggest, your b/f already offered to tell you himself, so perhaps you should just tell him what has happened.

As for the problems you think you're having that sounds like a bit of compulsiveness really. It's no more significant that someone taking their spouce's name on marriage.

[Jamie D]

Lost, what happened was eventually going to happen anyway.  You are going to find out bits and pieces of your boyfriend's old life from those who knew him pre-transition.  I would not expect him to cut off all contact, though some people do that.

Good relationships are often based on open and honest communication.  As Spacial said, you should tell him what happened.  Furthermore, it would not hurt for the two of you to talk about what might happen if more "old news" pops up.

I wish the both of you the best.

[savannahbee]

I know you said you don't know why it upsets you so much, but I'm wondering if you have any sense of the reason? Are you stuck on envisioning him as he once was?