I'm still confused...

[Keira]

I honestly don't know what to do...I don't know if Im trans* or just making something out of nothing.

I don't know how I can ever prove to myself if I am trans or not...

[Heather]

Calm down sky there is no need for all this stress over a label. Besides if you wasn't trans would you be on this site right now questioning your gender? Your still young there is no reason to rush in to anything.

[Keira]

Calm down sky there is no need for all this stress over a label. Besides if you wasn't trans would you be on this site right now questioning your gender? Your still young there is no reason to rush in to anything.

Yes there is a reason...I don't want want my body to get any more masculine. But I guess your on hrt already so you don't understand...it's easy to say that there is no rush when you've already started fixing your life. I don't have a life, and I won't until I transition; because I can't be me. But I don't know if I'm just making this all up...

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Sky-Blue,

OK. There appears to be several factors that are your current concern. If I may, can we just break these down into simple steps and see where we stand after that.

From the 4 statement you made. (1. Don't have a life 2. won't until I transition. 3. I can't be me and 4. I don't know if I'm making this up.)

May I suggest that No4 appears to be the main concern. Doubt created by this thought is feeding the other doubts. So. Only you will know the answers to the following. This is your task to work through. I'm not interested in the detail.

Write down on a piece of paper, the reasons why you think you are making this up. Your previous life, relationships including parents, previous stressful events. See how these could possible interact with your current feelings. Be honest as you can and delete all that you can. If you get stuck or lost, ask questions. This should establish whether you are making it up or not.

Assume you are not making it up. Can you now start being 'You' If not why not? If lost or stuck, ask questions.

Assume you can now be 'You.' I don't put much credence in No 1. You determine how little or much life you want. Nobody can do that for you. You have to do that one yourself. If you don't know how, ask questions. 3 down 1 to go.

Transition. Do you want to or not? If you do, write down the reason why. They will help when the going gets tough. If you don't, write down the reasons you don't. Are the reasons for both legitimate? Can they stand on their own. Are they wistful wanna be's or I absolutely need to's. Big difference between 'wants' and 'needs'

Let us know how you cope with that. This is a LOT of hard work. If you can't muster the energy, then simply, this is not for you.

Be sure all the questions you ask yourself are based on FACT. Not someone else's opinion or fantasy.

Be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[Emily Aster]

Slow down. I think it's pretty rude to tell someone that's been where you are now in the past that they don't understand just because they've started their transition. It's like telling your parents that they don't know what it's like to be a kid. I felt the way you're feeling when I was around 25. I'm now 37 and just getting started. Would I have liked to have started sooner? Sure. But I still feel like there's no rush even though I'm dying to get through everything. There are a lot of things to be worked out and if I rush through them all, I'll end up overlooking something important.

I don't have a life, and I won't until I transition; because I can't be me.

These are not the words of someone just making something out of nothing. But they are the words of someone in depression in my opinion. Maybe it's just my age that makes me see the wisdom in this, but there's nothing stopping you from being you. What's stopping you is the need to have others see you as you do. Life doesn't have to stop cold pending a transition. Go do your thing. Behave as you wish to behave. Like what you really like. Wear what you really want to wear. I wish I had known to do that at your age. Changing your body is not going to change who you are. If you can't be you without the changes, I expect you will probably be disappointed when things aren't suddenly fixed after the physical changes.

[Heather]

Yes there is a reason...I don't want want my body to get any more masculine. But I guess your on hrt already so you don't understand...it's easy to say that there is no rush when you've already started fixing your life. I don't have a life, and I won't until I transition; because I can't be me. But I don't know if I'm just making this all up...

Sky you don't think I was once your age? Because I was! And I was a lot more sure of who I was at your age but was I ready to start hormones then? Looking back I would have to say no. Did I want on hormones yes but was I ready then no. And I'm not saying this to be all high and mighty like if I did it this way you should too! Hormones not only change you physically they change you mentally more than you can imagine. Your problems are not just going to go away when you start estrogen in fact you'll feel them even more than you do now. Your wanting to skip right past the therapy part of your journey and go right to the hormones. Which in my opinion would be a huge mistake! You have to work through these doubts of yours before you even start thinking about hormones. I would hate to know how I would be feeling had I gone into this being unsure of who I was. Because knowing who I am is what gets me through the down parts of my mood swings. Sky don't rush into hrt its not something you want to rush into with doubts   

[Devlyn]

Yes there is a reason...I don't want want my body to get any more masculine. But I guess your on hrt already so you don't understand...it's easy to say that there is no rush when you've already started fixing your life. I don't have a life, and I won't until I transition; because I can't be me. But I don't know if I'm just making this all up...

You really need to work on your manners.

[Keira]

@Heather

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, it's just that I'm jealous.

Thanks for clarifying, I sort of get what you mean now.

[Heather]

@Heather

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, it's just that I'm jealous.

Thanks for clarifying, I sort of get what you mean now.

I didn't take offense I was really your age once too and thought I didn't have options. I'm surprised you would be jealous of me It should be the other way around your young you have a chance to be yourself at a young age if you go about this the right way! Not saying I didn't have that chance because I did and I blew it because I was too afraid of what people would think of me and I honestly thought I would never pass so I stayed a quite miserable guy until I could take it no more. Sky have a chance to do what I could not so don't be jealous of me. You can do this it just takes time and that's something at your age you have the luxury of.       

[Keira]

I didn't take offense I was really your age once too and thought I didn't have options. I'm surprised you would be jealous of me It should be the other way around your young you have a chance to be yourself at a young age if you go about this the right way! Not saying I didn't have that chance because I did and I blew it because I was too afraid of what people would think of me and I honestly thought I would never pass so I stayed a quite miserable guy until I could take it no more. Sky have a chance to do what I could not so don't be jealous of me. You can do this it just takes time and that's something at your age you have the luxury of.       

I understand why you're always replying to my posts now.

Thank you

[Keira]

@Catherine Sarah

Thank you for the help.

I'm going to use your outline, but I'm modifying it for better organization and such. At first I didn't know what you meant by "only use the facts"...but I see how facts can be twisted by emotion. I probably won't post my list here because it's overly personal, but I'll give a basic conclusion of what I think. I have way too many issues that tie into being trans...so it's just a matter of untangling the knots.

-Sky

[natastic]

Sky,

I asked myself for a long time whether or not I was "making up" my feelings of being trans* and my desire to transition.  Something that has helped me (I came to this conclusion with the help of my therapist) is to think about that there really is no way for me to prove logically, rationally, objectively (however you like to out it) that I am trans.

On the flipside,  there is no way to objectively disprove that I am transgender.

No way to be sure I'm just making things up and no way to be sure I'm not just making things up.

The answer I've found is to trust my feelings. It hasn't been easy, but I've cultivated an attitude that simply because I feel trans, I am trans.

It stops there, and there's nothing to prove, or to disprove.  I hope this maybe sorta helps.

I really hope you find your way forward... I like to think I'm finding mine.

Cheers

[JoanneB]

Yes there is a reason...I don't want want my body to get any more masculine. But I guess your on hrt already so you don't understand...it's easy to say that there is no rush when you've already started fixing your life. I don't have a life, and I won't until I transition; because I can't be me. But I don't know if I'm just making this all up...

Hmmmm Let me guess your age.... Under 20?  17?

You can and will have a life with or without transition. Will it be a life you want? I bet most public opinion surveys will say most people don't have the life they wanted or imagined in their teens

Turning 21 is not a death sentence. Neither is 30, nor 40, nor 50..... Many, perhaps most are, or it used to be, late transitioners. A polite phrase for those that are in their 50's plus and decide to finally go for it.

During those ensuing 40 years, we all often constantly question who and what we are. Often also deny. I really like Catherine's 'List' approach. I use it often. I add a small twist by adding in a weighting factor. Simple pro-con often does not capture all that is needed to make a decision

[Devlyn]

Please do not ask someone to reveal their age, especially if you think they may be a minor. We will now review the rules:

Minors are discouraged from posting their ages on the public forums and any posts referencing the age of a minor user (under 18) will be edited out. This goes for personal profiles as well.
Please take this into consideration when asking someone's age.
Thank you.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.0.html

[Keira]

Sky,

I asked myself for a long time whether or not I was "making up" my feelings of being trans* and my desire to transition.  Something that has helped me (I came to this conclusion with the help of my therapist) is to think about that there really is no way for me to prove logically, rationally, objectively (however you like to out it) that I am trans.

On the flipside,  there is no way to objectively disprove that I am transgender.

No way to be sure I'm just making things up and no way to be sure I'm not just making things up.

The answer I've found is to trust my feelings. It hasn't been easy, but I've cultivated an attitude that simply because I feel trans, I am trans.

It stops there, and there's nothing to prove, or to disprove.  I hope this maybe sorta helps.

I really hope you find your way forward... I like to think I'm finding mine.

Cheers

I sort of disagree with you, but only to a degree. I think there are "signs" of being trans*, but there is no fool proof way to tell if you are 100% transgender. Especially since trans identities are so diverse, just like human sexuality.

In summary, you can never know 100% if you are trans because it is based upon personal experiences and therefore subjective.

[Katelyn]

Sky Blue, I hear you, I am in a similar position as you except that I'm probably older than you (30 years old.)  I've been trying to sort through my feelings within the past 5 years but I end up sometimes feeling like I'm making everything up and no matter how hard I want to transition, it's just not possible because I'm not female enough, in part because my feelings aren't consistent enough.  As a result I feel like I'm going to be stuck getting the short end of the stick in life because I can't conform to either gender and that I'm too unstable in identity to have friends even thus.  I had this desire to have a big life and do big things in my life and that dream and desire is being crushed because I might not be able to have an acceptable enough identity.