"Strong Woman" mode vs. "Boy Mode" at work

[Eveline]

I'm wondering if others have this conflict at work, and how they cope with it.

I'm in a management job on an all male team. The group dynamic is very aggressive and demanding. For now, I need to present as male to protect my income.

When interacting with the team, I need to constantly be assertive. Unfortunately, all of my skills in doing so are "male", and after a long day of it, I just feel gross.

It would be so nice to shift to another style that still works with the group, and isn't so tied directly to my "boy mode" and triggering my dysphoria all the time.

In the past, I've worked with female managers who seemed to handle these situations with ease. Somehow they keep their poise and don't have to resort to the same tactics to succeed.

Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to come from the right place inside to pull this off.

Anyone else struggling with a similar situation?

[PHXGiRL]

I'm wondering if others have this conflict at work, and how they cope with it.

I'm in a management job on an all male team. The group dynamic is very aggressive and demanding. For now, I need to present as male to protect my income.

When interacting with the team, I need to constantly be assertive. Unfortunately, all of my skills in doing so are "male", and after a long day of it, I just feel gross.

It would be so nice to shift to another style that still works with the group, and isn't so tied directly to my "boy mode" and triggering my dysphoria all the time.

In the past, I've worked with female managers who seemed to handle these situations with ease. Somehow they keep their poise and don't have to resort to the same tactics to succeed.

Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to come from the right place inside to pull this off.

Anyone else struggling with a similar situation?

I can relate in a way.

I work in the auto business as a sales consultant. I always have to be strong, assertive, and stand my ground not only with customers but my co-workers as well. There has been times when I have had to stand a guy up because he "skated" me on a customer. Skating is a term used when a sales consultant tries to take one of your customers behind your back. 

Don't change who you are. If it works for you and you have had success the way you coach continue it. If you would like to tone it down a bit when talking to employee change some of your words around to power-words and change some of your phrases. Simply adding a few words to your vocabulary at work can control a conversation.

[suzifrommd]

Very much struggling as you are.

I'm a high school teacher and I've developed a (very artificial) booming voice which quiets my classroom quickly. I know how to be assertive as a male, but not at all sure how to do it as a female.

Well, I'm planning to start next school year as a female, so I'll have to learn.

[Eveline]

Simply adding a few words to your vocabulary at work can control a conversation.

Hmm. Which requires me to think a bit more before speaking. Great idea! Have a staff meeting this morning and will try it out...

[Eveline]

I knew a male manager in a past job that had a great way of being the calm in the storm influence, when things got tense and aggressive in meetings, he'd take over and slow things down to get things back on track.

Funny you should say that. One of my co-workers does this, very smoothly, and I haven't been paying any attention to how it's done. Thanks!

[Eveline]

Very much struggling as you are.

I'm a high school teacher and I've developed a (very artificial) booming voice which quiets my classroom quickly. I know how to be assertive as a male, but not at all sure how to do it as a female.

Well, I'm planning to start next school year as a female, so I'll have to learn.

OMG, when I read your post and starting thinking about how to be assertive as a female, and then how you would do so as a teacher, this Cheech & Chong skit from my high school days popped into my head: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sister_Mary_Elephant.

I'm pretty sure this is not helpful.

[suzifrommd]

OMG, when I read your post and starting thinking about how to be assertive as a female, and then how you would do so as a teacher, this Cheech & Chong skit from my high school days popped into my head: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sister_Mary_Elephant.

I'm pretty sure this is not helpful.

I wonder if that skit is burned into the minds of every teacher who is old enough to remember it. Certainly is into mine - someone in the next bunk over in summer camp played it at least once a day. That's way too often for a skit I never thought was especially funny to begin with.

Maybe the reason why I've never done any subbing.