Quote from: unpassable on April 03, 2013, 06:43:08 PM
Stella B, thanks, but you talk about actors and theatre whereas I thought that your argument was of a more metaphysical nature, something regarding law of attraction. Am I mistaken?
No you're not. I just felt it simpler and more straightforward to use actors as a reference point. Let's face it all an actor is doing at the end of the day is pretending to be someone else for the purpose of entertainment.
But good actors, and I mean the ones we read and hear about are ones who've developed their 'draw' over a number of years and developed their awareness. Acting is quite spiritual in nature, because you have to learn how to control the vibes you give out, project, and influence other people's thinking and emotions. It takes power. especially if you're able to do it through a camera.
But when you stop and think about it, living is really all about adopting roles and 'acting'. We live in a complex arrangement of cycles, our habits, our relationships, even our thinking. And we project. And not just out in this plane of existence either.
That what is projected comes back to us. I strongly believe that there's a spiritual component in our lives and we are all following our own spiritual paths. And we develop and learn. My belief is that we are here only for a short period of time, we have numerous opportunities to develop and life is pretty much practice for what happens after we die.
But you know I also believe that we continue our relationships through the metaphysical. We all have a purpose, an objective that we're working towards.
Sometimes some of our energy comes back to us, usually without any warning and puts us into situations which puts us to the test. You can't quite put your finger on it, but life starts to fall apart. Relationships become rocky. People start treating you different.
So you think and you remember and you go back to trying things which worked previously. But they no longer work. The results are much different. The cycles in your life are breaking down and you have to come up with new ones.
Sometimes the new solutions work out, but sometimes not for very long and things start falling apart again. This often puts you right back into the situations you have tried so hard to avoid.
Usually in these situations there is one solution, just one solution, and you have to find it. If you don't find it that spiritual component will continue influencing your life and the situations will keep coming back, time after time, after time, after time.
I usually keep this to myself but since you asked I'll share it. The people around me know this psychic side of me, this spiritual side. It's come out to the fore more when I started transitioning and going full time.
However my psychic side is unreliable and countered by odd phases of GD, my clinical depression and social anxiety. I feel both gender dysphoria and depression are more complex than many people believe. Gender dysphoria isn't just a disconnect between mind and body but also between soul and body.
What further complicates it is that you have to 'transition' yourself internally in order to find peace, self-acceptance and happiness. This can - depending on your path and your life experience - be a complex process of learning and unlearning with various mistakes and misunderstandings, espeically if you get stuff from your subconscious wrong.
This is why I can't really give you any advice on what to do. I don't know you, all I have are a few postings on a thread on an Internet message board.
You are thousands of miles away sat at another computer stuck in what appears to be a major crossroads at your life.
It could be, if I take what you've written here at face value, that you've given transitioning your best shot but are coming to the point where you don't think you're ever going to be at peace with yourself or happy.
It could also be that you've rushed through your transition without picking up the necessary life skills and now you're stuck with the result and things are starting tio overwhelm you.
It could also be that you've hit a crisis, a time in your life when you just can't cope, and hindsight makes those experiences you had in life seem much easier than they were at the time. This could be caused by separation anxiety. You know, that time when you've got so far into your transition that you think back to everything you lost as a result. You miss it and remember, and have to go through more emotional fallout.
It could be just one of those 'spiritual' periods when you just can't see a way forward. You've tried all you can, you've thought about it, you might be feeling empty, feel that you can't do anything more, and you just can't see a way forward.
I've got to admit that I'm not so willing to make any suggestions here. I'd much rather try and keep to the more immediate and superficial topics, write about that, and maybe you might find some words in this thread which are going to inspire you to come up with your own answer to your situation.
What are the signs? How are people responding to you? Are you finding people are coming into your life unexplained? Any unexplained events in your life?
Projection can be a powerful thing. I've found that I can attract people into my life who are also good at projection and quite psychic. I've developed an ability to read faces and pick up on things. Little things, stuff most people don't usually notice. Some stay, some are only with me for some time.
But it can work both ways. A few people who have stayed over have told me of a spiritual presence in my bedroom. A ghost. I don't perceive ghosts, so I can only give these people the benefit of the doubt. I have my bedroom painted black because I'm also using it as a makeshift studio for photography and independent film projects. A couple of friends have described a man in a WWII bomber jacket who's unhappy and distressed and saying 'I can't get out'. They see him standing either by the window or in the playground outside looking up to my apartment (I live on the first floor).
I'm aware of the presence. I sometimes feel a chill wave coming down from the ceiling when I'm lying in bed at night. It's like a cold draught, but it comes from the ceiling. Often when I'm upset or angry stuff starts happening in my apartment. Doors slam. Things get misplaced. Water trickles from taps. I haven't worked out whether it's him, or it's me projecting and a straightforward case of psychokinesis. It could also be just my imagination and I forgot to turn the tap off completely or the door didn't really slam. I just imagined it.
But it's happened often enough in times of stress to make me consider psychokinesis as a possibility.
I generally do what i can to project out positive energy but it doesn't always work. It has always been like this, even before transitioning. I polarize people. Some people take to me instantly, and others develop an instant dislike. I'm told I project out positive energy. But I'm also aware that when I'm anxious and stressed I can also drain people.
Actually one of the most valuable lessons I learned when transitioning was learning how to 'shield'. In any situation I can retreat within myself so my exterior becomes nothing more than a shell. I stop projecting and just let other people's energy pass right through me. It's a skill you learn to protect yourself from spiritual harm, but it's pretty effective on people too.
I remember once going out somewhere and having to wear a somewhat tired, frizzy synthetic wig (I was saving up for a new one). I took a bus somewhere and got off at a stop where there were around ten or so teenage schoolkids on their way home from school; and a couple of other people.
The kids clocked me immediately and they let me have it. Nobody else at the bus stop intervened. It's like some mystical force had turned them to stone. I stood by the bus stop and just stared up the road at the approaching traffic. Out the corner of my eye I saw the kids move, heard the words, but nothing registered.
The bus came about ten minutes later. I got on the bus just blanking the kids beind me, and people staring. Then it died down and things returned to normal.
However to be able to shield you have to be at one with yourself. Anger and resentment weaken you, as does fear, and this is stuff that most people can pick up on. Shielding is useful also because other people can pick up on it and come to your assistance.
It takes practice, a fair amount of meditation and being able to hear your inner voice. That inner voice is that of your soul, and it should be able to speak louder than all the angry voices of those around you who are upset that you're not more like them.
