Do stories of people "De-transitioning" make you feel uncomfortable ?

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

For me personally, reading de-transition stories produce no discomfort whatsoever, however I do wonder what impact these kind of stories have on the 'questioning' pre-ops and the newly post-ops who are still finding their feet, ie, perhaps having post-op depression-fuelled-doubts, that some  seems to experience , which could be just the last 'remnants' of dysphoria coming to the surface before dissolving with the passing of time...

Add on :

It is truly sad that some trans-people have to take such drastic measures by de-transitioning,and in doing so no doubt this does not in any way lessen the pull of their core identity...

Metta Zenda

[GendrKweer]

No, detransitioning stories don't make me uncomfortable, just a little sad for the person who needs to do that, since as others have pointed out, the reasons almost never seem to be "I'm detransitioning because I feel I made the wrong decision regarding my gender" but almost always go "I'm detransitioning because I cannot pass or because I'm getting harassed or finding society does not accept me." This doesn't make it invalid of course, but it does seem to say that the problem truly does lie with society than with the transitioner. After all, most of us have lived with our dysphoria for many decades.... I personally know what and who I am, I did so for decades, and that hasn't changed now that I've had SRS. If I copped a lot of bad experiences from society, I might question my decision to wear female clothes for instance, or wear my hair a certain way, etc, and I might go back into drag (male clothes, binder, etc, like I have to do a few months each year when I travel to dangerous countries, one of which I actually call my home) full time. BUT I would never regret the surgery or doubt that I am female inside, even if I have to cover it up. Dam, I hate it when I ramble around a point, but maybe it's clear enough: detransitioning issues seems less about a person's intrinsic dissatisfaction with their OWN decision to "become a female" physically, and more about not being able to be accepted BY OTHERS externally.

Detransitioning, for some, is a valid choice, one for which I have nothing but sympathy.

[King Malachite]

Yes it does, because it gives ammo for cis people negatively look down on trans people thinking it's a phase or it's not a legit condition etc.  Plus it somewhat makes me question my own self but the first bothers me the most.

[~RoadToTrista~]

Yes because I assume that they're having extremely critical distress dealing with the surrounding world because of it and give up, so I feel bad for them. It doesn't make me question myself at all if that's what you mean, I don't even think about it in that sense. Of course people detransition, everything happens sometimes, but it's very rare.

[Anatta]

No, detransitioning stories don't make me uncomfortable, just a little sad for the person who needs to do that, since as others have pointed out, the reasons almost never seem to be "I'm detransitioning because I feel I made the wrong decision regarding my gender" but almost always go "I'm detransitioning because I cannot pass or because I'm getting harassed or finding society does not accept me." This doesn't make it invalid of course, but it does seem to say that the problem truly does lie with society than with the transitioner. After all, most of us have lived with our dysphoria for many decades.... I personally know what and who I am, I did so for decades, and that hasn't changed now that I've had SRS. If I copped a lot of bad experiences from society, I might question my decision to wear female clothes for instance, or wear my hair a certain way, etc, and I might go back into drag (male clothes, binder, etc, like I have to do a few months each year when I travel to dangerous countries, one of which I actually call my home) full time. BUT I would never regret the surgery or doubt that I am female inside, even if I have to cover it up. Dam, I hate it when I ramble around a point, but maybe it's clear enough: detransitioning issues seems less about a person's intrinsic dissatisfaction with their OWN decision to "become a female" physically, and more about not being able to be accepted BY OTHERS externally.

Detransitioning, for some, is a valid choice, one for which I have nothing but sympathy.

Kia Ora GendrKweer,

Your personal story sounds quite fascinating ...

Metta Zenda

[Carrie Liz]

No, stories of people de-transitioning do not bother me whatsoever. Yes, they occasionally make me doubt, and almost always make me re-check my reasons that I am transitioning to make sure that they are indeed still valid, and that I won't end up the same.

Doubts are healthy. Because without doubts, you would never have a true test of how strong your convictions are. Doubts force you to confront these fears and these uncertainties, and find out if you can still go through with it. And without those kinds of doubts, without these kind of tests of your convictions, that is when people do end up in situations like de-transitioning, because they haven't thoroughly thought through all of the positives and negatives, and really had a chance to think of the possible negatives. Accepting that transition is not all sunshine and roses for everyone, and that there really are people who are NOT happier afterward, is a very important thing to realize.

And I'll admit, when I was first beginning transition, I hated these stories, because I hated feeling doubt, and I hated that feeling that I was having to re-evaluate who I was and what made me transsexual. But once that feeling was over, and I found a deep-seeded reason why I wanted to keep going, pretty much because of having to confront these doubts head-on, I have become a MUCH more convicted person. And that has been a VERY good thing in regards to my feelings of happiness, contentment, and mental security with what I'm doing.

[Anna++]

I agree with what a few people have said - it's important to hear detransition stories so you can at least prepare yourself for the issues causing the person to detransition.  Knowing what you're getting into, both the good and the bad, is the only way to make an informed decision.

[Dahlia]

Depends on....sometimes I read stories about MTF detransitioning decades later and yes, that makes me wonder why and how come, so long after transition and surgery.

Makes me wonder like ....are MTF feelings dynamic? Even/or post op?

[jamielikesyou]

I agree with what a few people have said - it's important to hear detransition stories so you can at least prepare yourself for the issues causing the person to detransition.  Knowing what you're getting into, both the good and the bad, is the only way to make an informed decision.

Well said. To me, it sounds like detransitioners have experienced loss and hurt on a magnitude far worse than the relief of transitioning can provide. I would never presume to understand anyone else's situation, but I could have empathy for them. I think in any major life change (new career, a move, marriage, etc.) you experience discomfort and anxiety over the comfort of what was.  To have such deep remorse and regret following such a major change has to be soul crushing.
 
(EDIT: cleaned the post of a link that was frankly a poor resources at best and at worst potentially harmful. My apologies. If got some reason you need the link provided please PM me. Thanks)

[eli77]

Yes, they do. Mostly because a lot of the responses around detransitioning make me super uncomfortable. I tend to feel like making the decision to transition, especially when you are youngish, is hard enough already, and the reaction to detransitioning seems to generally be that people want to make it harder still. Make more hoops to jump through. Explain how desperately important therapy is. Do RLE before FFS, before HRT even. Blah, blah. Regardless of whether the person is detransitioning because they actually feel like they are wrong (almost never) or because it actually was too hard already (far more frequent).

That and the handful of people who detransition because they realized it actually wasn't for them are often non-binaries who got pushed into following a path that was wrong for them.

I think detransition stories tend to highlight how rigidly trans communities want to adhere to a single narrative, and anything outside of that is to be excised via increased regulation. Inevitably reading those threads, and threads like this one, serve to emphasize how many problems I have with how we treat transition.

I'd suggest a read through for anyone on the fence. http://tgchatroom.com/wiki/index.php/So_You_Want_To_Be_a_T-Girl_%28Chapter_1%29

This, right here, is exactly the kind of garbage that kept me from transitioning for six years and nearly cost me my life. It is wildly inaccurate, presumptive, and, frankly, dangerous. I am honestly sick to the teeth of people desperately trying to protect folks from transition.

Maybe this is just an older/younger divide. A lot of the people my age and younger... the risk for them is in killing themselves before they ever manage to work up the courage to transition. And discouraging them with junk like that is highly unproductive. A handful of false-positive cis people does not justify jeopardizing the happiness and survival of many, many more trans people. We have nearly a 50% attempted suicide rate for chrissake. Transition needs to get a hell of a lot easier and more readily available. Not the other way around.

[suzifrommd]

I'd suggest a read through for anyone on the fence. http://tgchatroom.com/wiki/index.php/So_You_Want_To_Be_a_T-Girl_%28Chapter_1%29

Jamie, I'd like to respectfully disagree. I didn't read it all, but I spent a few minutes with it.

It is full of the author's assumptions and many unproven and undocumented assertions presented as accepted unquestioned truth.

It does not match the reality I've seen so far nor the reality of any TG people I've met in real life. Most of the experiences reported here at Susan's diverge widely from that narrative.

I would not recommend it as a vehicle to provide clarity for people making the decision whether to transition.

[Beth Andrea]

Yes it does, because it gives ammo for cis people negatively look down on trans people thinking it's a phase or it's not a legit condition etc.  Plus it somewhat makes me question my own self but the first bothers me the most.

Well, that's the cis-people's roblem...I would put no pressure on any trans-person to follow thru with transition, just to avoid another persons' ignorance.

Before I did any transitioning, I sought out de-transition stories, as well as regret stories...for the explicit purpose of asking if this might be me, in a few years...I worked thru those concerns, checking myself throughout for any self-deception...and found none. (My the*apist concurred, btw).

So no, detransition does not bother me, because it only applies directly to the person involved...and only they know what is right for them.

[Sarah Louise]

De-transitioning happens, I'm happy for those who realize (before surgery) that it isn't for them.  No matter what the reason. 

[Devlyn]

I don't think of detransition as a bad thing. It is merely someone following their path. The path led them to transition, now the path leads elsewhere. I respect that. Hugs, Devlyn

[Carrie Liz]

I'd suggest a read through for anyone on the fence. http://tgchatroom.com/wiki/index.php/So_You_Want_To_Be_a_T-Girl_%28Chapter_1%29

Um... I'm going to respectfully disagree with this, as others have. I appreciate having some negativity to make people question their convictions, but this book is just downright terrible. Seriously? Calling transition a "tornado" that destroys everything and gives nothing? And saying that 85% of people who begin transition fail at it? And basically having an attitude of "Unless you start hormones between the ages of 16 and 20, you're DOOMED!!!" Um, I'm sorry, but just no.

I'm also going to say that this is indeed the exact same kind of article that kept me from transitioning at a younger age. Because it makes it seem like NOTHING will change due to hormones, that you'll still be walking around shaving your coarse body hair and trying to perpetually cover up your masculinity with ineffective makeup, and that NOTHING will be gained physically or mentally from transition, and that it's just dooming you to a life of ridicule. NO. I am sorry, but NO, NO, NO. This is the exact reason why, for so long, I believed that nothing was ever going to be able to fix the feeling of mental "wrongness" that I was feeling, and nothing was ever going to be able to give me the smooth skin that I wanted, and get rid of my coarse body hair, and give me the shape that I so desperately envied... that I would always just be a "man in a dress." Again... just NO.

I don't know if I can say anything else on the matter... there's just a lot of personal hurt back there in regards to stories exactly like this which kept me from feeling like I was in the right body for so long... and already just 3 months in, HRT has already given me so much physical happiness, and so much of a sense of actually liking my body for the first time since I was 12 freaking years old, it really hurts to remember this same kind of mindset, thinking of all the years that I wasted hating my skin and hating my hair and hating my bulky masculine shapes, when the solution was right there in front of me the whole damned time, but I didn't know it was even possible until I finally stumbled on the "before and after" topic of this forum, and onto Youtube videos about the effects of hormones.

[jamielikesyou]

No offense taken by any who responded to the article link. I know it was one piece I read while questioning transition; i stll felt as strongly in favor of doing it (transitioning) afterwards. If it is more hurtful than helpful I am happy to edit out the link. To any I have inadvertently triggered my deepest regrets, that certainly was never my intention and my apologies to having hurt you. I didn't man to be an insensitive clod

[Anatta]

Kia Ora ,

"You can please some of the people some of the time - But not all of the people all of the time !"

Thanks for posting the link, [Jamielikesyou] not that I need to read it again, I read it a few years back and all I felt after reading it was pity for her...She had had a rough time of it during transition, and it would seem out of fear and frustration came up with the T Girl advice...

There are two ways to take the information she provides :
1) Take it to heart and see every negative thing she writes about as a reflection of yourself, or
2) See it for what it is, her personal rant and opinions and take it with a pinch of salt...

The only thing that trans-people really have in common is the 'name'... Our lives take different paths, some smooth, others not so smooth ...

However,it pays not to 'believe' everything one reads...But at times[especially when very vulnerable, susceptible  and  emotional], gullibility can be a curse....

Metta Zenda
   

[kelly_aus]

This, right here, is exactly the kind of garbage that kept me from transitioning for six years and nearly cost me my life. It is wildly inaccurate, presumptive, and, frankly, dangerous. I am honestly sick to the teeth of people desperately trying to protect folks from transition.

Um... I'm going to respectfully disagree with this, as others have. I appreciate having some negativity to make people question their convictions, but this book is just downright terrible. Seriously? Calling transition a "tornado" that destroys everything and gives nothing? And saying that 85% of people who begin transition fail at it? And basically having an attitude of "Unless you start hormones between the ages of 16 and 20, you're DOOMED!!!" Um, I'm sorry, but just no.

I'm also going to say that this is indeed the exact same kind of article that kept me from transitioning at a younger age. Because it makes it seem like NOTHING will change due to hormones, that you'll still be walking around shaving your coarse body hair and trying to perpetually cover up your masculinity with ineffective makeup, and that NOTHING will be gained physically or mentally from transition, and that it's just dooming you to a life of ridicule. NO. I am sorry, but NO, NO, NO. This is the exact reason why, for so long, I believed that nothing was ever going to be able to fix the feeling of mental "wrongness" that I was feeling, and nothing was ever going to be able to give me the smooth skin that I wanted, and get rid of my coarse body hair, and give me the shape that I so desperately envied... that I would always just be a "man in a dress." Again... just NO.

I don't know if I can say anything else on the matter... there's just a lot of personal hurt back there in regards to stories exactly like this which kept me from feeling like I was in the right body for so long... and already just 3 months in, HRT has already given me so much physical happiness, and so much of a sense of actually liking my body for the first time since I was 12 freaking years old, it really hurts to remember this same kind of mindset, thinking of all the years that I wasted hating my skin and hating my hair and hating my bulky masculine shapes, when the solution was right there in front of me the whole damned time, but I didn't know it was even possible until I finally stumbled on the "before and after" topic of this forum, and onto Youtube videos about the effects of hormones.

Jamie, I'd like to respectfully disagree. I didn't read it all, but I spent a few minutes with it.

It is full of the author's assumptions and many unproven and undocumented assertions presented as accepted unquestioned truth.

It does not match the reality I've seen so far nor the reality of any TG people I've met in real life. Most of the experiences reported here at Susan's diverge widely from that narrative.

I would not recommend it as a vehicle to provide clarity for people making the decision whether to transition.

I'm on the staff of the site that was linked.. We include that 'story' as an example of one persons experiences and opinions. When we refer users to it in the chatroom, we warn that is rather opinionated and somewhat confrontational. I'd like that warning to be included on each page, but the idea was canned.

[Anna++]

I'm on the staff of the site that was linked.. We include that 'story' as an example of one persons experiences and opinions. When we refer users to it in the chatroom, we warn that is rather opinionated and somewhat confrontational. I'd like that warning to be included on each page, but the idea was canned.

That's a shame, the story scared me when I initially read it last summer.  It did give me more things to think and worry about, but obviously it didn't scare me enough since  I still ended up here a few months later

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

I think the key thing to bear in mind when reading these tragic stories of trans-people having to de-transition, is no matter how similar a person's life circumstances are [prior to transitioning] to that of the de-transitioner in the story, one can never know for sure what ones future holds... 

So by all means feel sad for them and empathise with their plight, but remember YOU are NOT the person you are reading about...Your circumstance might be similar but YOU are NOT them-your future as yet to unfold...   

Metta Zenda