TS Admirers - What makes 'em tick?

[Alicia Marie]

  This is another rather interesting topic. I hadn't even thought about such a thing as a TS Admirer.
  As a straight guy I thought about different things that draw couples together and why some relationships last and others don't. I must admit that whether or not a person is TS wasn't one of them.
  I tend to believe that TS means little.
  Face it, I see the women as women and the guys as guys.
  I can't help but wonder if the TS community thinks about it more because they are classified as TS?
  The straight guys and gals have the same thing to an extent.
  Is she really in love with him or drawn to his bank account?
  Would she feel the same towards him if he was old, fat and bald like me?
  I see from those I've known over the years that marriages based on sex, money, personal appearances and things other than love many times fail when the grass is greener over the fence and if she left him while married for you, what makes you think she won't leave you for someone else? The same holds true the other way as well with men leaving.
  I personally believe that everything including TS issues should come after true love. True love endures finding out your mate was TS.
  Because she always was and is a woman.
  But, that's just my opinion.
  I guess there are some wierdos out there that think transsexuals are some sort of conquest like the blonde cheerleader type but maybe they should just get their jollys with the ones out there that give true transsexuals a bad image.
  I guess there are some that would feel a little betrayed if they found out later but that's their insecurities and I guess every case is different.
  When I was dating back in the stone age transsexuals weren't out in our neck of the woods so nobody knew about them.
  If I had found out that my wife was transsexual after I married her it would not have made me love her less. And I guess if I put my male ego aside and admitted that she was the first girl I ever liked enough to date I would just go one step farther and say I may not have even known until after we were married.
  To me, all that matters is that she was the girl I loved enough to spend my life with regardless of the events in her life. Both before I knew her and after we married.
  If she was TS it would not have mattered.
 
 
 
 

[Lisbeth]

Most of the "admirerers" I know gasp at the thought of a pre-op trans girl going post. Most take on a "then I might as well date a GG" sort of attitude. I'm sure there are exceptions.

So, I conclude it's phsyical... makes sense right? But then they vehemently deny being anything other than straight?!

uhmmmkay... what ever helps you sleep at night. 

I just don't get it...

I don't know that it's that cut and dried.  Self-acknowledged admirers come in more flavors than just "heterosexual" males.  What if you have fallen in love with a bisexual person who obviously loves you, and for many reasons other than just physical?  And you talk about GRS, and they say they support you in that but don't know whether they will still be physically attracted to you the same way afterwords? They're not saying they won't, only that they don't know.  And what if you suddenly find that this person's love is more important to you than the GRS you thought was the goal of your life?  Then imagine that this is not all hypothetical.  What then?

[lacitychick21]

I do agree that speaking in hypotheticals can have us running in pretty wide circles in no time... but again, this is my thinking.

As I see it, a "TS admirer" may come in a variety of colors, but they're TS admirerers on the impetus that thay're dating a trans boy/girl -- by definition a person who carries regard, or marvels at someone born in one gender but lives/presents as the other. If I were in a head-over-heels relationship with a man -- to illustrate a point let's say -- based mostly on physical attraction, and he came to me and said, "Babe, I want a nose job" or "I want to grow my hair long" or "I want to gain 200 pounds"; I'm sure I would take issue because, again, I love him mostly for his physical attributes that I am attracted to. Now, let's say he came to me and said: "Babe, would you mind if I had my tonsils removed?" or "I want to get rid of my appendix." Hmm... I guess I wouldn't mind all that much. Sure, those are still physical parts of him, but it just doesn't matter to me whether he has tonsils or an appendix. It doesn't because I love him for reasons beyond that.

That said, I don't loath my dangly bits. I just don't care for them and yes, it is a life's goal to eventually remove them. I don't want a man who desires me for those bits. If said bisexual man (or any man for that matter) will leave me or possibly not be attracted to me when those are removed but everything otherwise stays exactly the same, then love be damned! I've never been much of a head-in-the-clouds romantic anyhoo. He may love me for a variety of reasons but obviously, removing my bits is a deal breaker (even if he is saying he's "just not sure" -- then those bits factor in waaaaay too heavily). This girl's destined for GRS and I'll find a man who couldn't care less when the "girl's" are gone.

My last boyfriend and I had an account we regularly put money into as we saved for my GRS. He couldn't wait to bid them adieu! AWWwwwwwwWww!! 

Too bad he cheated!!! 

[vanna]

Well

an update on one admirer i have, hes just written and said he thinks he falling in love with me..........

[Avie]

to tell the honest truth em, i just think theyre wierdos who get a rise from the thought of it all. maybe not all of them r like that, but u have to admit it is pretty weird for someone to admire another person for a sexual preference. i dunno, i guess thats just my opinion. anyway i hope u find ur answers.

[Mister]

This thread is kind of making me sick.

I'm currently dating an 'admirer' who self-describes herself as a ->-bleeped-<-.  She's a formerly lesbian identified cisgendered woman who identifies herself as queer.  Is this because she's attracted to women? No.  is it because she considers me to be one?  No.  She recognizes the difference between our relationship and the heteronormative.  In fact, she pouts when I shave the stubble off my face, doesn't like to see pictures of the 'former' me and has no interest in listening to my old radio broadcasts because of my voice, even though I'm proud of them.  My former female-ness isn't something she finds to be an asset, but something she'd rather not really think about.

That being said, I'm completely and totally happy.  She's supportive of my continued transition (let's be honest here, does it ever truly STOP?), my identity, etc.  I'm introduced as her boyfriend, not as a 'partner' as was the case in previous relationships.  Basically, it's all good and I couldn't imagine being in a more supportive relationship.

i feel for anyone who's had these 'creepy ->-bleeped-<-' experiences, but labelling the group 'creepy' as a whole it something I couldn't sit back and read anymore.

[tekla]

I agree, I've meet some who are nice, some who are not nice, some who are sad, and some who rock.  No group is any individual member.

[sneakersjay]

When I was extremely early in my transition (read:  just figured myself out!!) I joined a yahoo group for ftm dating.  A few weeks later I realized it was too soon to begin to even think about dating, and un-joined.  I still get IMs from bio-males (straight and gay) who want to *date* me.  Mostly I'm still figuring out  my own sexuality and likely won't date until at least a year from now, after I've been on T for a while (just started yesterday) and a have had surgery.  I want to be seen 100% male before I date.

I'm not sure I'm interested in someone who wants me only because I'm trans; I want someone who wants me for ME.  It all depends on how we meet, and also depends on mutual respect.  Some of the '->-bleeped-<-s' I've met, as others have mentioned, are just interested because of my anatomy.  I'd like to think I'm more than a sex object, thank you.

Are there honest admirers out there?  I'm sure there are, as in Mister's case and others.  I haven't met any yet; but then I'm very, VERY early in transition and do not pass.

Jay

[tekla]

I want someone who wants me for ME

Agreed, but that means all of you, not just your mind.  Someone who really wants a hot throbbing XXXX, they are not on the same track you are.

[sneakersjay]

I want someone who wants me for ME

Agreed, but that means all of you, not just your mind.  Someone who really wants a hot throbbing XXXX, they are not on the same track you are.

Yes.  I want someone who loves me for who I am as a person, and is accepting of my physical body as well.  I'm not interested in someone who wants me for my body only.

[Lisbeth]

Are there honest admirers out there?  I'm sure there are, as in Mister's case and others.  I haven't met any yet; but then I'm very, VERY early in transition and do not pass.

Jay

Yes, there are.  But it is as with any other kind of potential partner, you have to sift the wheat to eliminate the chaff.

[tekla]

I'll take the person who wants me for my body only, if only for the night.

But I don't even want to know their name, hence "honey" and "Doll."  Its not like I give them my real name either.

[Lisbeth]

I'll take the person who wants me for my body only, if only for the night.

But I don't even want to know their name, hence "honey" and "Doll."  Its not like I give them my real name either.

Ew!  I tried that once and so hated it.

[tekla]

Oh, that was you?  So sorry.

[Lisbeth]

Oh, that was you?  So sorry.

Ew!!!!!!  Don't say that!!!  I don't want to stop liking you.

[Patti_mx]

In my experience, most admirers are looking for sex; which, in itself, isn't all bad!!!!

[NicholeW.]

I thought Mister made some good points. *shrug* Of course, that's just me.

But, does anyone else think that we should change the terms "->-bleeped-<-" and "admirer" to just plain ole "horn-dog?" Would that simplify for everyone?

Nichole

[tinkerbell]

What is a TS supposedly being "admired" for?  Why do we call TS "admirers", admirers anyway?   

tink

[Mister]

I thought Mister made some good points. *shrug* Of course, that's just me.

Thank you!  In talking to my lady about this thread, she agreed with my opinion of why she's attracted to FTMs- She's attracted to us for our masculinity as well as being emotionally available.  This is stereotypically speaking, of course, and not I'm not trying to assign attributes to ALL FTMs, this is just what happens to work for her.

[kimmie]

Horn-dog sounds good to me