TS Admirers - What makes 'em tick?

[NicholeW.]

So I dunno, I'm kinda beginning to make peace with all that. I'm not saying I "identify as trans" or anything like that, but I can't deny that my past was unusual.
I just don't want to get caught up in "proving that I'm a real woman" to myself by denying my male past, ya know? Just because someone knows of my past...

It has nothing to do with "denying" our past or "proving that we're real women".  The difference lies in the personal desire to be objectified.  If one enjoys objectification, (either as the objectifier or the one being objectified) then they will seek that dynamic.  Now, that being said, people just can't assume that simply because one's gender/sex/medical history/transsexualsim is atypical that one would be welcoming of said dynamic, no?

Absolutely!! The Fairy Goddess states it succinctly and absolutely spot-on.

And I, for one, couldn't agree more. There's a major difference in being appreciated and respected for who I am and being objectified for reasons that are more, well sexual only. Matters not whether one is pre-op or post-op or gg. Same thing all-the-way-around.

Nichole

By the way, you're welcome, Nero. Though that was a pretty large set of objectification itself. Not just any man with a trans history and not because of his history, because of who he shows me he is and his capacity to appreciate me for me.

N~

[Kate]

A ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- is this or this.

Interesting... so being "chased" for icky reasons isn't really a concern for postops then?

~Kate~

[tinkerbell]

A ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- is this or this.

Interesting... so being "chased" for icky reasons isn't really a concern for postops then?

~Kate~

It shouldn't be but you never know what is in the ->-bleeped-<-'s mind when it comes to objectifying transsexual women in general (pre or post-op).

tink

[Suzy]

Well, I have to admit I enjoy being hit on when I am out and about.  It's always by guys, who, I believe, have no idea.  BUT, I have had a problem lately with some online peeps who get my information and hound me through pm, email, or chat to meet up, .....   What is the deal?  Do some of us like being chased by individuals like that?  They must be successful or they would not keep trying.  Personally, I don't want any part of a relationship based on the premise that I'm such a freak that I would be more than happy to let some scummy guy get his rocks off at my expense.  I don't like being used, and I happen to think more of myself than that.  It took me a long time to accept who I am, and I'm not about to let some slimeball undo the progress I've made.

Kristi

[Kimberly]

I like to think the "->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-" is more inclined to appreciate a "strong woman" than other reasons. An indeed I can appreciate such a thought as my own desire runs parallel. But, meh, there are quite a few things which make people tick

[MeghanAndrews]

What is the deal?  Do some of us like being chased by individuals like that?  They must be successful or they would not keep trying.
Kristi

Hey Kristi,
I've spent my fair amount of time online and I can tell you that yes, there are people who enjoy that attention. For what I can tell, they are tranvestites and others who basically have a fetish and get online for one purpose...to fulfill their desire for the fetish. It's a strange concept to actually be someone's fetish, to be liked/loved for what you have vs. who you are. I have a pretty detailed profile that I think helps keep some of those guys clear of me. It's nice to talk to guys and learn what makes them tick online where it's safe, but it can be scary and intimidating, demeaning and demoralizing at times. Meghan

[Hypatia]

I noticed a pattern... at online dating and social networking sites, every time I honestly put that I'm bisexual-- you can already guess what the result was-- tons of men hitting on me. I got so tired of it, I changed it to lesbian and now the guys leave me alone. Not only that, in real life I'm just so fed up with the patriarchy, my real feelings have been shifting from bisexual to lesbian also. My best girlfriend and I sort of came to this conclusion together. Lately she's started saying a lot "Gee, I hate men," and came out as lesbian. I have to admit I would be perfectly happy going on as lesbian. I think I'm giving up bisexuality as just too much trouble.

ICQ was the worst. When I tried it, I filled in Arabic and Italian among the languages I know-- and before I knew it, every horny guy in Egypt and Italy was panting after me like packs of dogs after a bitch in heat. I soon shut down my ICQ account. I've been to Italy and seen how shamelessly the men harass women there, and I hear it's just as bad in Egypt. They can all go hang, I'm having none of it.

And all this without even letting on that I'm trans...

[Suzy]

I've been to Italy and seen how shamelessly the men harass women there, and I hear it's just as bad in Egypt. They can all go hang, I'm having none of it.

I've never been to Italy, but I can tell you that in Egypt it is really bad.  For Americans it is rather intimidating.  They have no sense of personal space.  They are right in your face, and their hands are all over you.  And they like to come up to your group and offer to buy the girls for a bunch of camels.  No thanks!


Kristi

[Jasmine]

Early on into my transition I had a 34 year old 'TS Admirer' who i met as a customer of my work (I was driving a cab). I was happy to receive the attention and apparent acceptance and so i let him have my number.

Well later that night he rang me several times and tried to convince me to go somewhere with him (in my car.. he seemed to stupid to be able to have his own car) He seemed extremely keen, and eventually i gave in and picked him up, and apparently he wanted to "go somewhere to talk" but when I picked him up he had sex toys, "ammel" a type of drug used by gay men, and god knows what else. Anyway I went along with it, I had thought if i backed out things could get bad and so I went along with everything and what he really wanted was sex. He encouraged me to "go down" on him unprotected, and.. well yeah..I won't let that happen again, but I guess at the time i was curious and I have always had difficulty saying no to people for anything, especially when with a person like him.
He said he had been with a trans-(something) of some description in the city a few times before and he also said something along the lines of "most people think he's straight but.."
He was also a marijuana user and he was using it while we were at the place.

When I dropped him back home he got me to drop him off a short distance from his house and to turn the lights off for some reason. Suprisingly though he said to call him the next day, but i sent him a message tactfully saying i can't do the sex, and I haven't heard from him since.

So anyway, I ended up getting the full STD screening twice but thankfully i'm ok thank god. I'd find coping with GID and a desease at the same time almost too much.

I've gathered from this that there is a type of selfish, dishonest, law-dodging, low intellegence, sex-driven individuals that can be found amongst the "TS admirers". Though I can only hope that there are sincere ones out there as well, or i might find myself quite lonely..

Jazzie

[Lisbeth]

There is something about part of this thread that really bothers me.  It's a kind of a double-standard that says it's okay for a person to be attracted to a female-bodied person, it's okay for a person to be attracted to a male-bodied person, but it's not okay for a person to be attracted to a female-gendered male-bodied person.  And I'm also getting the feeling that there's an attitude that says it's not okay for that female-gendered male-bodied person to enjoy feeling that attraction.  Well, gee!  What if these two people who are not okay in who they are attracted to have fallen in love and want to get married?

[sd]

There is something about part of this thread that really bothers me.  It's a kind of a double-standard that says it's okay for a person to be attracted to a female-bodied person, it's okay for a person to be attracted to a male-bodied person, but it's not okay for a person to be attracted to a female-gendered male-bodied person.  And I'm also getting the feeling that there's an attitude that says it's not okay for that female-gendered male-bodied person to enjoy feeling that attraction.  Well, gee!  What if these two people who are not okay in who they are attracted to have fallen in love and want to get married?

That is one problem I have with this thread and started to write it but decided against it.
Thank you for saying it better than I could.

[Lisbeth]

Thank you for saying it better than I could.

Ya, well there's a reason I have strong feelings about this one.  *walks off to be alone*

[Shana A]

There is something about part of this thread that really bothers me.  It's a kind of a double-standard that says it's okay for a person to be attracted to a female-bodied person, it's okay for a person to be attracted to a male-bodied person, but it's not okay for a person to be attracted to a female-gendered male-bodied person.  And I'm also getting the feeling that there's an attitude that says it's not okay for that female-gendered male-bodied person to enjoy feeling that attraction.  Well, gee!  What if these two people who are not okay in who they are attracted to have fallen in love and want to get married?

Agreed! My partner loves me for who I am, as a multi gendered person. Most terminology, gay, straight, bi, has an implication that only binary genders count. Anything else can't possibly exist. 

Z

[tekla]

Its kind of funny but what with all the people in here who lament day in and day out that they 'want someone to love them for who they are' here are a bunch of people who do just that.  And you reject them out-of-hand, with a pile of stereotypes that if they were used toward (rather than from) our community you would be burning up the broadband leaving little posts about how outraged you are that such stereotyping is allowed to blah, blah, blah. 

'Ya, know, you can never catch a break, if you don't give one once in a while yourself.

[Chaser]

The thing i find hot about ts women is the difference, i like the stronger voice coming from a woman, the blending together of male and female features in the best possible way, i went to a place the other night where a lot of ts women were and the thing i noticed about one woman was her height, the definition of her cheek bones and her shapely figure and she appeared to carry herself in a strong powerful way, in the way that men do, in the way that most women are socially conditioned not to. There is something exciting about a woman who has escaped being conditioned as a woman and has instead had opportunities men get. Some born women reject there social conditioning but most don't, so they are always in some way inhibited. ts women are more appealing when they do not try to tone there assertiveness down in an attempt to pass as a woman in a society's that associates femininity with being more submissive. Its unusual how the MTF community views admirers, how many transwomen assume admirers are only interested in sex and it is also interesting that it is assumed that we are all male. The other funny thing is how many transwoman complain they cannot get dates when they pass all the men interested in them off as ->-bleeped-<-s to be avoided. The funny thing about that is that recently i got the opportunity to attend a TS/TV club as i was invited by an acquaintance who is TV, when i was there one of the woman came over to us as the man that was also with us was not dressed on that night, she came over to make sure he was not a ->-bleeped-<-, she explained to me that they do not like ->-bleeped-<-s to come in. She did not realise she was talking to a closeted admirer; it's just a good job i was born a woman. X

[Autumn]

That is a very good distinction, one that most people (outside of the gender-educated population [jesus, beat me for using a term like that]) won't understand.

There are people who literally act gay, it's its own cultural stereotype/an expression that a lot of gay men possess. We don't act that way. Last random stranger, friend of a friend who I outed myself to - granted, a pretty world-wise person, told me that he'd been wondering if I was trans because of my voice. I don't lisp or speak like a teenage girl. I've received sexual advances from guys in my social circle that are often stipulated with "i don't normally like guys, but you're different..."  I'm sure they tell that to everyone, but at the same time, it makes perfect sense too.

Attraction towards femininity seems a perfect justification. In this case, femininity not just in mannerism, but the process we go through (removal of hair, muscle, etc) makes for a more complete package than say, a gay man who acted female, rather than gay.

ed: Besides, we go through so much confusion and difficulty with sex that if you find a caring partner who likes a girl with a not-so-functional penis, can you really blame them? We're not the only people in the world who deal with confusion, and though ours may be life or death gender issues, sexual attraction issues are still relevant for people.

[sneakersjay]

Dee, your man loves you because you are a lovely woman.  You are not ugly!!

And I agree with your man.  Parts don't matter to me, the person does.



Jay

[kimberrrly]

The thing i find hot about ts women is the difference, i like the stronger voice coming from a woman, the blending together of male and female features in the best possible way, i went to a place the other night where a lot of ts women were and the thing i noticed about one woman was her height, the definition of her cheek bones and her shapely figure and she appeared to carry herself in a strong powerful way, in the way that men do, in the way that most women are socially conditioned not to. There is something exciting about a woman who has escaped being conditioned as a woman and has instead had opportunities men get. Some born women reject there social conditioning but most don't, so they are always in some way inhibited. ts women are more appealing when they do not try to tone there assertiveness down in an attempt to pass as a woman in a society's that associates femininity with being more submissive. Its unusual how the MTF community views admirers, how many transwomen assume admirers are only interested in sex and it is also interesting that it is assumed that we are all male. The other funny thing is how many transwoman complain they cannot get dates when they pass all the men interested in them off as ->-bleeped-<-s to be avoided. The funny thing about that is that recently i got the opportunity to attend a TS/TV club as i was invited by an acquaintance who is TV, when i was there one of the woman came over to us as the man that was also with us was not dressed on that night, she came over to make sure he was not a ->-bleeped-<-, she explained to me that they do not like ->-bleeped-<-s to come in. She did not realise she was talking to a closeted admirer; it's just a good job i was born a woman. X

"it's just a good job i was born a woman. X"

Thank God, that explains it ! hahaha

"There is something exciting about a woman who has escaped being conditioned as a woman and has instead had opportunities men get. "

This can only be written by someone who is a somewhat masculine woman, bisexual, or a lesbian. Just like:

"Some born women reject there social conditioning but most don't, so they are always in some way inhibited. ts women are more appealing when they do not try to tone there assertiveness down in an attempt to pass as a woman in a society's that associates femininity with being more submissive."

This is all projection, but I must agree that I know a lot of lesbian transwoman that fit perfectly well in your description, but I do not. I was feminine as a kid and therefor never had the opportunities men get, AND I never got the opportunities woman get!

I am submissive by nature, it had nothing to do with my social upbringing. And I am not trying to pass... I am just myself.

I would be horrified if someone liked me for the reasons you like transwoman. But then again, I only like men. Fortunately.

[alia]

Creepy dudes who like us only because we have junk gives me the creeps. Honestly though, I'd be way more comfortable in a relationship with a cute trans man than a totally hetero dude. It think its because hetero dudes are the least questioned members of our society. A cute trans man, on the other hand (like the insane road-biking hottie I met in SF a month ago), totally knows what we're going through.

So, I guess I'm kind of a ->-bleeped-<-->-bleeped-<- too, but only for teh cute trans guy I met at Folsom.

[GinaDouglas]

I am not interested in guys at all, and have never so much as kissed one.  But that has not stopped them hitting on me over the years.  Most of the time, I get rid of them easily, but I guess the real persistent ones would have to be ->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<-s.

Some of the things guys have said when begging me to have sex with them, over the years:

You know what men like better than a woman would.

I like when my GF/wife backdoors me with a dildo.  I want to know what real flesh feels like but doing it with a guy would be gross.

->-bleeped-<-s give the best head.  They look like women when they are doing it, but can take more cock in their mouths, because they have bigger heads and oral cavaties.

I have never had a ->-bleeped-<-, and I want to experience everything life has to offer.

I was involved with a ->-bleeped-<- before, and it was the best sex I ever had.

Being with a ->-bleeped-<- is the best of both worlds.  You get sex with a woman, but the rest of the time, it's like hanging out with a buddy.