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Fifth Boy.

Started by Liminal Stranger, May 02, 2013, 07:39:48 PM

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Liminal Stranger

Yeah, there's five boys in your class, dude. You know damned well that there are. You know one of them is a bit biologically challenged. You know he was in earshot when you said it. So why'd you do that? If you're going to accept him and call him Max and treat him as one of the boys, why say there are four boys in the class to another student who knows about him when discussing t-shirts? What the hell are we even making different sleeve lengths for girls and boys for?

Maybe she didn't know. Maybe she did and you didn't know that she did? Who knows, and does it even matter...dude, you made him cry into his jacket sleeve for the rest of the class. Do you think he wanted to do that? I don't think so, he's got allergies and that's bad enough. Don't kick him back down when he's just gotten back up, just able to ignore all the glaringly obvious differences that strike him head-on every day.

He wants to be able to wear that shirt, with the 3/4 sleeves like the OTHER four boys. Nothing underneath, just shirt and skin and muscles and connective tissue and bones and organs. All those good things. He wants to be able to go out in the summertime and run around, head to the beach and pull that shirt off. Feel the sun on his bare chest, free of roundness. He wants to go swimming like that.

He wants to go home, greeted by his mother who asks how his day was. She'd sit down and listen to her son speak...her son, not her daughter. Maybe she'd think about how he's growing up so fast, becoming a fine young man. Or maybe not, he's always been behind in growth. Some days he'd be off swimming, others off practicing with his band or just hanging out with friends.

He wants to walk into school next year, hearing, "Hey, Max! How was your summer, dude?" from the other kids, sharing wild tales of crazy adventures. After that initial day of getting the schedule, he'd go to class. The teachers would announce Maxwell on the role call, maybe his last name too, and he'd be proud to raise his hand and answer, "here," with enthusiasm. They'd have a nice first impression of this energetic young boy, ready to learn.

He wants to hang around after school with a couple of friends, maybe head over to that field a few blocks away for a game of football. He'd be a bit clumsy at first, having grown a ton over the summer, but he'd get back into the swing of things soon enough. Feeling pretty beat, he'd high-five everyone for a good game and grab some pizza before heading home on the subway. After a bit of fiddling around on the guitar and surfing the Internet, he'd call it a night and sleep peacefully, looking forward to tomorrow.

How could I possibly know this?
Let's just say all our brainwaves are shared.




"And if you feel that you can't go on, in the light you will find the road"
- In the Light, Led Zeppelin
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Ltl89

Hey Max,

I believe the fifth boy will get to have those experiences.  It might take some time, but he will get to one day lives all his dreams if he works towards reaching them.  He just needs to believe himself and get through the tough phase of childhood.  High school was really rough for me and can easily say things have gotten progressively better.  I think the same can happen for the fifth boy in the future. 
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Liminal Stranger

Well, he feels like the fourth and a half boy when people say stuff like that every day :/
It was a nice bit of stress relief to type that out, like a writing exercise in the third person. Thanks for the input, luckily I'm getting my hair cut so maybe it'll help with passing more as well.




"And if you feel that you can't go on, in the light you will find the road"
- In the Light, Led Zeppelin
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Edge

Yeah it sucks wanting to be a regular guy, but... you know. (Sorry I suck at words.)
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Ltl89

Max,

It will be okay.  I'm going through the same thing (just opposite gender and a little older).  How I wish I could be one of the girls.  Yet, I have some work to do before that is possible.  Nonetheless, I can do it and many here have done it.  It sucks to go through the awkward phase but you have to push forward.  But I know what you mean and sympathize with your feelings. 

By the way, hair does help in a big way.  I have been more happy with longer hair than I was before.  I imagine it will be the same for you with short hair.
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Liminal Stranger

Yeah, I like the haircut and I'm going to nicely approach the subject with the guy who did that because he's not a jerk or anything. Hopefully people get the message through my male appearance and use of the name Max with little reminders about it, because I don't have time to do something crazy like walk around carrying a giant picket sign saying "I'M A BOY KTHXBAI".

Going to tell all of my teachers everything in the very beginning of next year when I find out who they are, it's worth a shot. If all goes well with that word should spread to the other faculty who will catch on; if they don't get the memo, I'll try to round up my former teachers and politely explain to them too so I don't have to have my birthname screamed in the hallway and then dejectedly take the Walk of Shame.

Glad to hear your hair makes you happier, learningtolive. And I'm hoping to be out/stealth to the whole school before I leave so that I can spend my last year there not stressing about being misgendered. Bad enough that dysphoria kicks in every time I think of the fact that I can't go around shirtless yet, because my moobs look like...well, not moobs. I'll just have to wear a shirt and trunks like I did last year, oh well.




"And if you feel that you can't go on, in the light you will find the road"
- In the Light, Led Zeppelin
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