Relationship with mixed feelings..

[yasuko14]

So I want to vent and get some input and feedback at the same time. So feel free to respond guys

I've been dating the same guy for 2 years, I'm 21 btw and everything is just okay. Completely average. I can't help but get the feeling hes just stringing me along. Our relationship just feels like we are brother and sister. There is barely any romance, and my side of our sex life completely sucks with me only pleasuring him, mind you I am a masochist I don't want to do all the damn work haha.

I know beggers cant be choosers, but when he calls my private parts "gross" or that "You're turning me off" it really does hurt. I've asked him to pleasure me but he says no and threatens to break up with me I have no room for negotiation. We get along really well like best friends or like I mentioned earlier siblings, but I feel that he's not attracted to me and is just holding on to me for whatever reason be it sex or whatever. I know he checks out other girls, he always "jokes" about other girls and things like 3 ways. Alot of times he'd rather just watch straight porn all the time with pussys galore then play with me. I mean yeah I just feel like some relative that is in love with him or some gay boy that has no chance and he never looks my way.

Don't get me wrong he is amazing for seeing me for my inside, I appreciate that he loves me for what I am with what male parts I have, but at the same time I'm also hurting not feeling adequate. He says he loves me and maybe he does, but I want to be wanted. I want to be loved as much as I love him. At the same time I need to know when to be content with what I have and remember what I am.. It's all so very confusing to me.

[Ltl89]

I can't make a great assessment (having only this to go on), but it seems like he is more interested in a friends with benefits situation.  If there is no romance and you can't tell if he loves you after two years, there are some things to consider.  Maybe it's just me, but constant references about other girls and having to always watch porn before being intimate with me would be hurtful. I can understand a straight guy might be uninterested in certain body parts.  However, if you would like to have a sexual relationship which involves these parts, then it can make for some difficulties.  I can't tell you how to feel about that, only you can decide. Sex is a varying factoring in some relationships.  Also, trans people differ about how the parts are used, if at all.  If it is very important to you, then I think it is something you may need to address. 

What concerns me more is that you don't know his true feelings after 2 years.  You deserve to know this.  Sit down and talk to him about your concerns.  Find out where he is and where you are.

But no matter what, don't stay in a relationship because you feel nothing else will come along.  You're a young woman and will have plenty more dating opportunities in your life.

Wishing you the best of luck.

[A]

Yes, well, I don't think there's much to be done. If he can't get over your parts, he can't. There might be a workaround in hiding it away somehow and using the, uhm, back door, if you'd like.

You know, the absence of sexual activity isn't the absence of love. A relationship doesn't become friendship because there's no sex. If not, so many asexuals wouldn't be considered in a couple, yet they are. But there are people who feel a deep need for that kind of physical proximity, and there's nothing wrong with that. Though if in sex he's the only one getting satisfied in any way and you don't like it, I think it's not right.

There aren't many paths. Your choices are:

- Have a serious discussion about this with him and try to figure out a way for you to be satisfied.

- Stop anything sexual and be patient until after SRS.

- Leave him because sexual activity is important to you in a love relationship.

[XxHaileyxX]

I know what its like to go through this, for about 3 years I was unable to do what I wanted sexually...but now that I can, I just dont want to yet. Its weird, cuz once ya give it up, thats it.
Just hang in there, as others have said just because there is no sex, doesnt mean its friendship only.

Im assuming he is a straight guy, so since youre pre op he is only interested in female parts. To a straight guy, Idk butI think they would view sex stuff involving your parts, to be gay. I bet he does really love you and can prolly hardly wait until you can get your surgery!

[JungleJulia]

Run while you can, seriously. I had the same exact relationship when i was pre-op, which lasted about 2 years. Do you believe me when i tell you that in 2 years of active anal sex, i never had an orgasm??? He never looked down there in 2 years, he was terrified. I don't want to scare you, but he doesn't loves you. At all. A person who loves you will never say things like "gross" referring at your genitalia. Are we kidding? He's just a straight men too freaking scared to tell you the truth. Run away before you get too hurt, trust me, i've been trough that, and it's pretty awful and disrespecting. Don't do that to yourself.

Kisses,
Julia

[Ltl89]

Just to add a different opinion here, there are straight men who don't mind THAT body part.  It's true that many straight guys would not find it appealing, but that isn't always the case. There is much more to sexuality than genitalia.  The op is a woman, so any man she dates will either be straight or bi.  Her surgery status is irrelevant. While her pre-op status may deter some men, there are many straight men who don't mind.  I've seen this enough times to know that is a fact. After all, transwomen are woman.  It would not be gay at all to be with one sexually even if she were pre-op. But even if a guy doesn't care for that part, he can still love the rest of the package.  Personally, I would have no problem with that because I wouldn't want a guy around that area at this point in time. So, I wouldn't say that means he doesn't love the op. However, his actions become a problem when it begins to effect the op's enjoyment of the relationship. A relationship should be a partnership and both should be happy with everything.  Judging from the original post there are other issues than the sexual one that the op may want to consider as it looks as though she isn't fully happy.  I am hoping she had a conversation with him about their relationship and how they both view it. 

I don't want to scare you, but he doesn't loves you. At all. A person who loves you will never say things like "gross" referring at your genitalia. Are we kidding? He's just a straight men too freaking scared to tell you the truth. Run away before you get too hurt, trust me, i've been trough that, and it's pretty awful and disrespecting. Don't do that to yourself.

Kisses,
Julia

Im assuming he is a straight guy, so since youre pre op he is only interested in female parts. To a straight guy, Idk butI think they would view sex stuff involving your parts, to be gay. I bet he does really love you and can prolly hardly wait until you can get your surgery!

[ParadigmCrime]

Ive run into this problem quite a bit, as a long term pre-op.  Who has been with a fair share of straight guys, it can suck.  Also I think you misused the word masochist, a masochist would enjoy your situation. haha


It never bothered me that they wouldnt touch my bits.  They did other things to please me.  What ultimately bothers me, is they leave me for a cis woman everytime.  Really, who can blame them?   I mean if they are straight, and only into womens bits... as a pre-op, thats just a matter of reality.  Its cool to find an openminded guy who loves you, and sees you as a woman.  When it comes to sex though, they do want vagina. 

I myself am pansexual, so I can get along with whatever bits someone has.

Stick to bi men,  romantically and sexually they are much more fufilling.

I have had straight guys tell me if I had SRS they would be happy.  Ive also had other straight guys tell me, no it wouldnt make a difference because they want to make children. 


If someone is into only women, I find this problem doesnt exist nearly as much, except in the most extream lesbians.  but... ive had quite butch women who had no problem with it whatsoever.

[ParadigmCrime]

Also a quick note about 3somes, etc.  Yes I find that is quiet common, and that I have even gone out of my way to make it happen repeatedly so that they would be more comfterable being close to me.  I recently (past 8 months) had two straight guys who after there was a cis-woman with us all of a sudden were much more close to me physically.  Course the minute shes gone, or if they can chase after her instead, Im out in the cold.