You know, we never truly see how we affect other people.
My ex took a lot of videos when we were together since we only saw each other once a year. And one of them is just me holding her as we watch TV. And as I watched it now, I could see how happy she was as obviously, the camera had a different view than either of us did. Her eyes were glistening and she was smiling, especially when I would squeeze or kiss her hand.
But I had a horrible self-esteem and never truly believed she loved me. Which is why I did stuff to distance and protect myself - all things that damaged our relationship until we broke up over it. But I was entirely wrong; she was so in love with me and so happy to be with me.
It's kind of like the time that I was in counselling and I was talking to the therapist about how I thought I appeared to others. I told her I felt like others saw me as cowardly, shy, and stupid. She told me that shocked her, because I was so good at communicating with her, always made appropriate eye contact, and so on. She said she couldn't believe I saw myself that way when my external presentation was the opposite.
