What are you thinking right now? 4.0

[Edge]

I've been there before, but something always steers me back. Lately, my mind has done a complete 180 degrees turn again. Problem is, it's not just the different gender thing, it's two quite different personalities.

Like DID? Sorry for asking so many questions. I have insatiable curiosity.

[King Malachite]

I figured out that when I tried to upload this episode the first time, I accidentally uploaded "Caboose On The Loose" and I didn't realize it until later.

Now it's been fixed, so it's all good.

Awesome signature!   



I'm thinking that Judas Priest's song "Run to the hills" is bringing a new meaning for me and starting to become a very possible reallity for me as I may have to do that in the future concerning my transition and family rejection.  I might just have to "run to the hills and run for my life".

[King Malachite]

Yeah, it works perfectly with the line underneath the pic as well. Thanks for the idea!

I know right?  No problem!

[Anna++]

I was reading outside on my deck for a while this afternoon.  When I looked at my overgrown shrubs I immediately thought: "<male name> should do something about that".  I don't think I've ever referred to my old self as a different person before.

[zombieinc]

Judas Priest did a cover of "Run to the Hills"?

[King Malachite]

Judas Priest did a cover of "Run to the Hills"?

I have no clue. 

[Edge]

I wish I had someone to practice speaking german with.

[King Malachite]

i wish i had a girlfriend. Companionship is really important and might help me get out of my isolatíon, my wall.

I know the feeling.



I wish I wasn't so sleepy today.  I guess the rain does that to me.

[King Malachite]

So far, i've spent most of my year locking myself in my room, playing video games, drinking soft drinks and feeling miserable. The others in my class probably don't feel this need as heavily, but i need someone to love, to hug, to cry myself out to, someone to make me truly live again. But i'm too shy and afraid of disappointment and hurt.

totally understand that feeling -hugs-

[Adam (birkin)]

Yeah, Calm and Malachite, that sounds like my life since the teaching contract ran out. -_- Video games, junk food, somewhat lonely and getting a little stir crazy. I have my thesis to work on but it's kind of at a standstill as I am too emotionally involved in the issue I am writing about. That said...maybe I should just free write and hammer out those emotions and see if I can find some wisdom and middle ground in it.

That and I should apply for more jobs. I haven't really been trying as hard as I should because I'm a little worried about being outed at this one too. But that's not a good enough reason, not even close.

[SaveMeJeebus]

So far, i've spent most of my year locking myself in my room, playing video games, drinking soft drinks and feeling miserable. The others in my class probably don't feel this need as heavily, but i need someone to love, to hug, to cry myself out to, someone to make me truly live again. But i'm too shy and afraid of disappointment and hurt.

I was about to write something about how miserable i felt. I then noticed Malachite's quote to Calm/RageMusic. I can definitely relate too. It saddens me to hear you both have experiences.

My mother usually just tells me to get out and meet people. It's not that easy, especially with Asperger's. She should know that (and me) better.

My family don't understand my anxiety and depression either, and it really frustrates me when my Nan says something like that.

[SaveMeJeebus]

And when i do try to muster up some self-esteem, i see myself like some caricature, like a monster in my mind. Problem is, many people don't care for the ugly, but the ugly have feelings too. I had my fair share of ridicule and awful looks. I think i need help. The thoughts are coming back. But how are "they" going to help me?

I totally know what you mean. People are so frustrating. Too many people have no sympathy, are shallow, and will go out of there way to be mean. I cannot say how "they" are going to help you. I have only just gotten somewhere with the NHS mental service. Its been really slow, and some people i have talked to there, don't understand, let alone know what to do. A part of me doesn't want to get better though. I would rather end it. There is a part that things the one thing that would help me, is if i had a friend, or better yet a partner.

[SaveMeJeebus]

Sometimes i just feel like ending it all, but no, not going to do that. I think i'm going to look at the picture i have of my niece now. That will cheer me up.

I apologize for making things depressing. That's a good idea, it's nice to know you get comfort in such a way.

[Adam (birkin)]

My mom especially doesn't seem to understand that I'm pretty introverted. She's a total extrovert, she loves to get out and talk to people, she could do it all day and it energizes her. Me, I need a lot of time alone. So even when I am happy and things are going well, she doesn't think I'm doing well enough because I'm not "out and about." I just need to recharge a lot.

[King Malachite]

Yeah, Calm and Malachite, that sounds like my life since the teaching contract ran out. -_- Video games, junk food, somewhat lonely and getting a little stir crazy. I have my thesis to work on but it's kind of at a standstill as I am too emotionally involved in the issue I am writing about. That said...maybe I should just free write and hammer out those emotions and see if I can find some wisdom and middle ground in it.

That and I should apply for more jobs. I haven't really been trying as hard as I should because I'm a little worried about being outed at this one too. But that's not a good enough reason, not even close.

How long do you have to work on your thesis?

[Adam (birkin)]

I can take as long as I need, technically my second year ends in August. I may go a month or two over that though...I imagine I will have it all wrapped up, defended and all, by the time 2013 ends.

[Shantel]

I can take as long as I need, technically my second year ends in August. I may go a month or two over that though...I imagine I will have it all wrapped up, defended and all, by the time 2013 ends.

I respect you for your hard charging, let's get-er-done approach and your cute relationship with your buddy girl. You'll be more outgoing when you get the latitude to put some of the other BS to rest that you have to deal with now.

[Jam]

It is way too hot to be working, I should be at home relaxing in shorts with a coke and ice.

[Simon]

Got to breathe a huge sigh of relief today...

My gf's biopsy results came back and it is benign.

Now just waiting for her to have surgery to remove her thyroid June 30th. We can deal with that, easy peasy.

[Devlyn]

Got to breathe a huge sigh of relief today...

My gf's biopsy results came back and it is benign.

Now just waiting for her to have surgery to remove her thyroid June 30th. We can deal with that, easy peasy.

Glad to hear that, Simon. Hugs, Devlyn