Does anyone get told they're "not trans enough" ?

[Dark.Knight]

No one knows yet about me being trans (my girl and sis do) but I'm sure I will get some of this.
I can fit with my cis-male friends because I'm well masculine, but my best friend is a white girl back home who I talk almost fem. or andro. with, I kind of naturally separate the worlds.
I go neutral with mixed friends/ groups. I am very masculine in reality and she (my best friend) knows my boy ways and thinks those parts of me are funny and shes like your such a guy sometimes (I'm scared to tell her I will this summer though I promised myself that.) I like hanging with my girls though and feeling like the guy who they can be natural and feminine or whatever around, I'd rather still hang with straight women, yet around guys there is no fem. coming out unless, like I said in a mixed group. I'm very open and I think men are attractive and women attractive, but I'm a straight male. Not being trans enough, or man enough is often thrown around but I think its bull. I think my mom will try this when I come out to her, kind of like when I came out as "lesbian" and I was so masculine, but hey be you I will be.

[Eva Marie]

When I was still questioning and considered myself genderfluid, a couple people who posted in a thread in the androgyne section were rather dismissive of non-binary people in general because they seemed to be under the impression that it was a choice.

Being a long time member of the androgyne forest i've seen my share of this, and of being flatly dismissed/ignored in other forums on the board. Thankfully that seems to have gotten less worse in the last couple of years.

[big kim]

From the other side it's happened to me because I'm tall,have a growly voice,like muscle cars and classic cars and bikes and metal/rock music and shoot pool.

[BlackBird]

@Kim: Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. I can Imagine you being one of those really cool chicks that like cars and pool. I don't see that making you manly at all, You're just what I call a "rock" type girl.

Be yourself. <3

[big kim]

Thanks it's never bothered me,I'm OK being myself and that's what counts

[BlackBird]

@Kim: Good on you! That's the way to be!

[Chamillion]

"Not trans enough" doesn't even make sense. You either are or you aren't, right? And if you are, then you're trans just like anyone else who is. It doesn't matter if you're super masculine or feminine or don't want surgery or whatever else.

[D0LL]

It's ridiculous that people could pass such a label onto someone, but I would come to expect it.

Although I'm very masculine and always have been, I've also always had very feminine traits to my personality as well. I LOVED Hot Wheels when I was little. But now as an adult I collect dolls (I don't care, Monster High dolls are sexy!) I can expect to be told the same thing about not being "trans enough" once I start on T, but I don't care.

Once I transition, not much will change. I'll still wear women's clothes and dresses (heck, probably more than I do now!), I'll still like my zebra/pink cheetah print comforter, and I'll still cosplay girl characters. Because I'm not changing who I am, just my outward appearance. I'm still the same person I've always been and refuse to conform just because other people want me to. I'm ok being a snowflake in a hailstorm.

[Erik Ezrin]

I'm not out either, but yeah, some moments I did feel that way, yes. Just because I don't 'fit' in some typical trans or male stereotypes.
Sometimes I felt like I HAD to be a generic cisguy, or a generic transguy, in order to be 'valid', which is total BS of course. I am who I am, and that person appears to be a guy, regardless of my body or 'mental programming', etc.
No, I never tried to kill myself, nor did or do I have crippling dysphoria (but then again, I'm really not girly. I think my body is more or less androgynous), but when I set aside all problems, fears, doubts, difficulties, etc. of being trans and then ask myself whether I feel like a man, and would want to be one physically, the answer is a radiating "YES!".

You know how transpeople are often described to cispeople as 'being trapped in the wrong body', and to a certain extent that's true. But it's oversimplified! I WISH I was a dude zapped into a girls body, frankly! 'cause then I knew for SURE what I was, I wouldn't have any doubts at all, etc. while now I go through periods of thinking I'm totally, utterly, NUTS. That I'm making life harder than it has to be, and am fussing about nothing, that I must be crazy for thinking and wanting this, etc.
For me, and I think many other transpeople too, the difficulty of changing your body is actually rather small to changing your mental programming or other kind of sh*t I can't really put under words.

[Taka]

i don't think i'm trans enough to feel comfortable living the entire rest of my life stuck in only one gender (presentation), and since that definitely isn't trans enough for the authorities on trans maters in this country, i haven't really gotten any way with anything yet. especially not with coming out to people. but what i often hear is that i don't dress girly enough, i don't act or talk or walk girly enough. and my interests probably also aren't girly enough. would be funny to hear those people's comments if i suddenly decided to go full out ts (which i won't, but let's imagine...), they'd probably suddenly think i'm too girly for it.

but people online that i've come out to are generally really nice. i'm glad natkat was the first one i tried that with, at a different forum. his response was great (no wonder why...) i've also had a probably non-binary guy feel guilty for liking my female body, just as well as people refusing to see anything other than the almost nonexistent girl in me.

Nope, I'm on the opposite end where I do alright in the cis world but other transguys usually think I'm "too stereotypically male". Seriously, I've had feminine guys say that to me online. Crap gets slung both ways. 

this one made me laugh. i've often been called male chauvinist or insults typically directed at those kinds of people online. and i don't even know if it was the girl or guy in me doing the typing that got those responses. i also remember once at some gay forum where i was out as biologically female, some guy threatened to title me the resident man if some of the other guys didn't stop acting like such drama queens.


anyway, "not trans enough"?
try telling a (cis) man that he's too girly to not be trans. i'm pretty sure there are more cis than trans among the femme guys in this world.

[Adam (birkin)]

I've never had other trans people tell me that, most of them have been transphobic family members who wouldn't want me to transition no matter what. So let's say, if I was the most manly gender-conforming man ever, they'd say "that means you're not actually transgender you're just a butch woman who doesn't fit in."

But I was worried others wouldn't see me as "trans enough" (as someone else says, that doesn't make sense, you either are or are not) for certain things...but decided it didn't matter. I went in to the gender therapist and psychiatrists and just told them exactly how I felt, flat out, knowing that my own certainty would speak for itself. Though no one ever questioned me I came to understand you've got to be honest and be your own advocate, whether it's with therapists or with others.

[BlackBird]

@Erin: You are so right, You and I are very similar In that way. My body, If you cut off my head you would say I was born Male. -- Growing up, As funny as It Is, I got told I wasn't girly enough and that I acted too much like a boy, Because I wasn't out back then. No one knew. Then the minute I came out, I now have people tell me I'm too girly to be a boy.

Everyone comes In all different shapes, sizes and flavors. Manly, Girly, Androgynous, Other, Anything. That doesn't define us. Neither does what's between our legs. It's what we feel, our lifestyle, how we live and most Importantly, Who we are.

@Taka: I find people like you very Interesting, I would love to know how It feels to be gender fluid. Also, Yes there are PLENTY more cis male fems than there are trans male fems.

@Prof HB: Unfortunately, I've heard It from family, friends, strangers and even other trans members. The term "trans enough" makes no sense to me either but I can understand the basic meaning behind It. In the trans community, We need to learn that It's OKAY to be different from the stereotypes. It's because cis people are our role models and when we aren't like them, We're "not trans enough" - I say **** that.

[Keira]

I'm a non-binary trans girl...I like video games horror movies, and...well...cigars rofl. When Im full time I don't really plan on wearing really girly clothing, just average girl clothing that looks a bit punk/goth/rocker. I looooove androgynous/masculine over shirts...I just can't wear them until I have boobs...

I was mostly androgynous as a kid, didn't start to fantasize about being a girl until I was around 12. Didn't know I was trans until August last year. I was never outwardly girly, more so inwardly. Never cross dressed until last month...which was awesome! For me, being trans is an inner experience, not something objective to be analyzed and debated.

I have an ftm friend who wants to present as feminine when he gets on T after awhile. He's also a crossdresser...which totally breaks the norms.

All in all...I've never been called "not trans enough", but at some point I anticipate that someone will say something to that effect.

I don't know if this is interesting/helps...but there ya go.

(Slinks away from ftm section awkwardly, didnt mean to intrude lol)

-Skye

[BlackBird]

@Skye-Blue: Noooo, Darling come back! MTF's are welcome here too! We love you <3

I too, Believe that It's something we decide. I originally created this thread so that people can share their experiences like you just did. That's what I wanted!

(Sorry If I don't sound very happy or exciting at the moment, I've just had an emotional breakdown over my father. I'm trying to cope.)

Anyway, Yes, I was always kind of Androgynous as well. I nearly was openly manly because I was afraid of how people reacted so.. I forced myself Into wearing make up and dresses. That lasted about 3 days before I had to stop.

When I got Into a relationship with someone, Around the age of.. 12 or 13. I finally thought I could be myself because someone loved me for me, However, I wasn't out about being Trans to too many people.

This boy started asking me to wear.. Open tops and make up and.. To wear my hair all pretty. I didn't want to but I did It for him. When I had to stop, Due to It mentally breaking me, He said If I didn't do what he asked, Him and my now ex-best friend would blackmail me all over town.

So, For the next 4 months, I did what he said until he ended up cheating on me with that ex-best friend. That's when I learnt to be myself, After being forced Into being something else, I broke free.

I came out to my best friends and I started taking on male pronouns, I started signing up as "Male" on games and then a few years later I came out to my mom and dad.

Now I'm me, Whether I'm stereotypically trans or not. I'm me and that's what makes me happy.

[StellaB]

Lord no... not trans enough, being trans, being too trans, being too feminine, not feminine enough, not masculine enough, too manly, being real, being fake...

What is wrong with people that they need some sort of standard or yard stick to measure themselves or other people by? Is being yourself and individual too scary for you? Do other people being themselves keep you worried and awake at night?

I recommend getting out and about more and introducing more roughage in your diet.

I've never been told this but if I ever was I'd just laugh and think 'sheep'.

I know who I am, I know who I'm not, and while I understand everyone has a right to their opinion the subject is closed and who I am and what I'm about is beyond discussion.

[BlackBird]

@Stella: It Is funny Isn't It, It's comparable to the whole "Too fat, Too skinny, Too dumb, Too smart" thing, Just more ridiculous.

I've noticed that It seems the adult trans* members haven't experienced this as much as the young have. Kids these days.. What Is the world coming to, Eh?

[FullThrottleMalehem]

I haven't specifically been called not trans enough, but since I don't mind penetrative sex since my plumbing works and the other orifice hurts too much to use with my current partner I imagine it's coming. I've mostly just been told I'm not a real man because I wasn't born with a cis penis or due to sex assigned at birth.

[aleon515]

Never told anyone that-- would never tell anyone that. Have never been told that either. In the support group I go to it would never be tolerated but I haven't heard anyone say it either. I have do videos on youtube and no one says anything to me there like that. I am not really binary either.

--Jay

[Naomi]

I can see myself running into this the future. I really like girly-girl things but I also swear and make your mom jokes a lot.

[Nyri]

Well, I haven't been told I'm not trans enough in those words, and not by anyone in the trans community that I know of... but my sister keeps saying "you can't be a guy because of _____" whether that be the fact I was born with a vagina or the way I reacted to some kid puking everywhere.  I'm sure other people have their opinions of me, but fortunately they've kept them to themselves... or at least away from me.