Our lives are defined by the choices we make in life and how we deal with the consequences.
The reaction of your wife appears to be an indication of just how big a deal changing your gender identity is. It's major.
It's all very easy to be looking in from the outside, form an opinion that it's all black and white, what you should have done and what you need to do now.
Just one thing which the people who say 'should have' always tend to overlook and that's the fact that the past cannot be changed. You might as well ask someone if they like eating blueberry muffins as that question is about as relevant and helpful as any statement including the two words 'should have'.
But looking from the inside out, as I have, you're often in a situation where you have to make a choice between two things which are absolutely essential for a happy life - on the one side love and affection from others and on the other the complete freedom of being yourself without any reservation.
Teri, how do you want to live? How do you really want people in your life to relate to you? How do you want them to feel about you? How do you want to feel about yourself?
What sort of memories do you want to create with your life?
Try to imagine that today is your 80th birthday. What do you want to look back on in your life? Changes and personal growth? Things you have learned and achieved?
Missed opportunities? Empty years of loneliness and isolation either on your own or with someone else who doesn't completely understand or accept you? Do you know what it's like to go a complete year without meeting anyone socially? Or to dream simply of a good honest conversation with another human being where you can pour your heart out to the very bottom?
Please have a think about this Teri. While you are thinking about this, also please consider that all the time you are thinking about this, every minute, every hour, every day, it is not just time which is ticking away. It's also your life.
How do you want to live your life?
I could be wrong, but reading this thread I get a kind of impression that you need or want to make a decision but you're looking for some form of external validation. Is this what you're looking for?
What do you want me to say? That I believe and it pleases God that you should find yourself and transition? Do you want me to shuffle my Tarot cards and give you an online reading?
This isn't how life works. Transitioning isn't just about the surgery, the hormones, the FFS, that's just the physical stuff, the tip of the iceberg. Much of the transition is internal, and your progress is determined more or less by what goes on inside your head.
I'm not going to pretend or sugar coat things, it isn't easy. Some of it is difficult, some of it is made difficult by the mistakes you make, and some of these mistakes cost more than you anticipate and you learn a bit more than you bargained for.
But then again we are talking about an achievement involving a major life change and in that context it's not really that much different from other changes, such as starting a new business, getting recognition for an artistic hobby or talent, overcoming a serious or long term drug or alcohol addiction.
The exact same principles apply. For example the principle of making a choice or decision and sticking to it even if things go against you.
The principle of making a choice or decision on the basis of being convinced that you're making the right decision or choice for you and one which is going to benefit you in the long term.
The principle of being prepared to sacrifice to get what you want, to compromise, to hold out for when things take a turn for the better.
The principle of never giving up on yourself, no matter what.
The ability to take risks and calculate those risks.
I'm assuming that you get the picture. So much of what you need to transition might already be there inside you.
How do you want to live? What is the inner voice of your soul telling you?
Do you want to live your life for others at the expense of yourself, or do you want to live your life being yourself with others who accept you for who you really are?
I'm not you, so I can't possibly understand what these options mean to you.
Nor could I ever hope to suggest where the real payoff for you lies in these options.
All I know is that I started out similar to where you are now, I chose the latter, which I now have and have had for quite a while now.
