Getting over fears in regards of rejection and not passing.

[calico]

Misato and Jennygirl your both so right. there are def more areas in the poor sides to have that fear in regards to not passing , rejection or being outed. i know in those types of areas om always extra careful myself. thugs especially seem to freak out that are of my darker complexion if you know what i mean.

Over reaction or response because they feel there heterosexuality is in danger, so they do the most homophobic response possible to prove there "straightness"  when in truth they are in fact uncertain of their own feelings and lack understanding. and no offense when I say this Tristen, but they are basically acting like primitive primates.

[Tristan]

None taken . They tend to want to been seen that way. The ghetto types

[Ltl89]

Some food for thought.  I have met some under privileged people who are very accepting of the LGBT community.  And I have met some bigoted upper class individuals as well.  I grew up in a middle to upper middle class area, and I can tell you that I've encountered a good share of bigoted jerks.  You can't really judge people based on their socio economic status.  It's good to take precautions when entering a particular neighborhood, but don't automatically make assumptions about all who inhabit the general region.  You might be surprised. 

[calico]

Some food for thought.  I have met some under privileged people who are very accepting of the LGBT community.  And I have met some bigoted upper class individuals as well.  I grew up in a middle to upper middle class area, and I can tell you that I've encountered a good share of bigoted jerks.  You can't really judge people based on their socio economic status.  It's good to take precautions when entering a particular neighborhood, but don't automatically make assumptions about all who inhabit the general region.  You might be surprised.

just like mentioned before, the best policy is to assume the worst homophobes and ultra mega straight people can be in any town or economic structure.

[Jennygirl]

I like to think that the main reason I haven't encountered negativity from any person anywhere is that I am a good judge of character. I feel like it's pretty easy to "read" someone who might be closed off to LGBT related things just by the look in their eye. Definitely after having a few words with someone, I know for sure.

[Misato]

Some food for thought.  I have met some under privileged people who are very accepting of the LGBT community.  And I have met some bigoted upper class individuals as well.  I grew up in a middle to upper middle class area, and I can tell you that I've encountered a good share of bigoted jerks.  You can't really judge people based on their socio economic status.  It's good to take precautions when entering a particular neighborhood, but don't automatically make assumptions about all who inhabit the general region.  You might be surprised.

I do agree with this.  Doing otherwise would go against my philosophy too.  Indeed, bigotry and coolness know no class. 

My earlier post is probably me still reacting to some times I was worried things were going to get physically violent.  Women in those parts of town where they happened would have had to be extra cautious too so, even if I were cis, a threat would have been there just for a different reason.

Given that I went to a job site in a bad part of Chicago once (one day people came to work and there was a dead body on the property bad) and at that plant I found some really nice people, I would do well to remember that experience too.

[Ltl89]

just like mentioned before, the best policy is to assume the worst homophobes and ultra mega straight people can be in any town or economic structure.

I agree.

I like to think that the main reason I haven't encountered negativity from any person anywhere is that I am a good judge of character. I feel like it's pretty easy to "read" someone who might be closed off to LGBT related things just by the look in their eye. Definitely after having a few words with someone, I know for sure.

Generally, that is good advice, but it's not full proof.  While I agree that you want to read somebody before you tell them, sometimes that really doesn't matter.  When you are a kid and go to school with bullies who don't like "gays", there's little one could do to avoid them.  Sure, if you pass as female and no one knows, it's easier to avoid lgbt hostility by not disclosing it to jerks.  But when you have difficulty hiding your differences, those people will find you.  Throughout my life, I've had people whisper "is he gay".  That's fine, but the bullies aren't as nice about it.  I've been beaten up quite a few times and went through some other things I don't wish to discuss.  It wasn't uncommon for me to be called a F** and someone even went as far as finding my car and  writing it on my windshield with their fingers.  Even in environments where the LGBT community should be accepted, I was discriminated against at times.  I've had a superior at work come into my office and give me a dead flower and said this is for the prettiest girl in the office. It was an insult. I've also been brought to his office and had him ask if he was sexier than the other guys in the office.  I won't say what my position was, but this should have been a very pro LGBT office given many different factors. All this occurred without me being out as gay or trans.  Even though I feel I have a good masculine shield, I have been detected throughout my life.  Sometimes people can figure things out and there is no avoiding these people.

I share this because I want everyone to be safe and realize there are potential predators out there.  It doesn't matter if you are in NY or Alabama, they exist.  And despite the experiences of others here, you can find plenty of bigotry in more well to do areas.  I have seen and experienced it first hand.  Just make sure you are all safe out there regardless of where you live.  It's better to be safe than sorry. 

All in all, it could have been much worse and I'm grateful that I had a good childhood.  I know there are others who had things much worse, and I sympathize with them wholeheartedly. 

I do agree with this.  Doing otherwise would go against my philosophy too.  Indeed, bigotry and coolness know no class. 

My earlier post is probably me still reacting to some times I was worried things were going to get physically violent.  Women in those parts of town where they happened would have had to be extra cautious too so, even if I were cis, a threat would have been there just for a different reason.

Given that I went to a job site in a bad part of Chicago once (one day people came to work and there was a dead body on the property bad) and at that plant I found some really nice people, I would do well to remember that experience too.

I would understand having some caution in Chicago.  It makes sense to be more aware of your surroundings when in a bad town.  I just don't want people to feel they are totally safe in a more wealthy liberal area.  Sometimes, you will be surprised by what you find.  It's best to be safe.

[Tristan]

Yeah I'm careful. I know people who are in the lower bracket of money making example ghetto fab people. They have nothing to loose and don't mind going to jail for stomping someone. Wealthy people normally do mind jail. They want to protect there way of life haha. So I just go with that small fear that may pop up if I feel they are LBGT non friendly. It's better than regretting it later

[Theo]

I've had a superior at work come into my office and give me a dead flower and said this is for the prettiest girl in the office. It was an insult. I've also been brought to his office and had him ask if he was sexier than the other guys in the office.  I won't say what my position was, but this should have been a very pro LGBT office given many different factors. All this occurred without me being out as gay or trans.  Even though I feel I have a good masculine shield, I have been detected throughout my life.  Sometimes people can figure things out and there is no avoiding these people.

To be honest, at least in my workplace, both of those incidents would lead to a complaint to our HR diversity representative, and probably resulted in a major admonishment or career termination for the gentleman. Any retaliatory behaviour from his side would be met by similar consequences, and also mean that I'd end up reporting to someone else asap. If your office really is LGBT friendly, it can be worth having a look at the diversity rules and regulations from HR and how their enforcement works. Harassment is never okay.

[Ltl89]

To be honest, at least in my workplace, both of those incidents would lead to a complaint to our HR diversity representative, and probably resulted in a major admonishment or career termination for the gentleman. Any retaliatory behaviour from his side would be met by similar consequences, and also mean that I'd end up reporting to someone else asap. If your office really is LGBT friendly, it can be worth having a look at the diversity rules and regulations from HR and how their enforcement works. Harassment is never okay.

Well that was at an old job where I no longer work.   So, it's water under the bridge.

[Just Shelly]

I like to think that the main reason I haven't encountered negativity from any person anywhere is that I am a good judge of character. I feel like it's pretty easy to "read" someone who might be closed off to LGBT related things just by the look in their eye. Definitely after having a few words with someone, I know for sure.

I will say I'm also good at this! but you can't pick your coworkers or other business relationships.

What do you do though when you here comments or the bigotry toward all people that are different and you are not out as trans??

I know darn well I work with some that would treat me 110% differently if they knew what my born gender was....I will admit I am making presumptions....but I can guarantee a good analogy would be someone that is pro NRA wouldn't think much of someone from PETA.

This is the same with being prejudiced for being a woman.....Sometimes I would just like to tell some of these men.... You know something sweety!!...I do know what I'm talking about..... cause I USED to be a man!!

[Jennygirl]

The ONLY time I've ever experienced this was this past holiday season and my uncle made a very homophobic comment. I was not out to my family yet and still presenting as ever so slightly feminine guy. Nobody had a clue at that point.

I am out everywhere now though, and I do not care at all about being stealth- at least at the moment. Right now since I am basically not supposed to talk (voice surgery), I have been outing myself to strangers if I find myself needing to communicate with them (only if I read them as trans accepting) and I've had no problem whatsoever. Most of the time, people's eyes light up and they smile genuinely when I tell them I'm transgendered. I really like that reaction. It gives me hope of a more globally accepting society.

[Ltl89]

The ONLY time I've ever experienced this was this past holiday season and my uncle made a very homophobic comment. I was not out to my family yet and still presenting as ever so slightly feminine guy. Nobody had a clue at that point.

I am out everywhere now though, and I do not care at all about being stealth- at least at the moment. Right now since I am basically not supposed to talk (voice surgery), I have been outing myself to strangers if I find myself needing to communicate with them (only if I read them as trans accepting) and I've had no problem whatsoever. Most of the time, people's eyes light up and they smile genuinely when I tell them I'm transgendered. I really like that reaction. It gives me hope of a more globally accepting society.

Perhaps things get easier when one passes.  I'm still in the beginning stages, so I can't really relate with the stage that you are currently in.  I do know, however, that having feminine traits or being perceived as a fem guy can be harmful.  I guess people are more open to trans people than a fem guy.   That  gives me a lot of hope. However, it's might also come down to where you live.  I'm sure other areas people may be quite different.  Then again, I still don't have the experience to qualify, but I'm getting there!

[Jennygirl]

Perhaps things get easier when one passes.  I'm still in the beginning stages, so I can't really relate with the stage that you are currently in.  I do know, however, that having feminine traits or being perceived as a fem guy can be harmful.  I guess people are more open to trans people than a fem guy.   That  gives me a lot of hope. However, it's might also come down to where you live.  I'm sure other areas people may be quite different.  Then again, I still don't have the experience to qualify, but I'm getting there!

Very rarely do I really worry that much about passing. I like to feel like I am when I'm walking down the street or in crowded areas full of random people where everyone is people watching. But when I am one on one with anyone, it hasn't really mattered to me if they know I'm trans. Maybe when my voice recovers and I'm able to pass face to face with people that will change.

[Misato]

Most of the time, people's eyes light up and they smile genuinely when I tell them I'm transgendered. I really like that reaction. It gives me hope of a more globally accepting society.

I can, and do, second having this experience.

[Ltl89]

Very rarely do I really worry that much about passing. I like to feel like I am when I'm walking down the street or in crowded areas full of random people where everyone is people watching. But when I am one on one with anyone, it hasn't really mattered to me if they know I'm trans. Maybe when my voice recovers and I'm able to pass face to face with people that will change.

I can, and do, second having this experience.

This gives me some hope.   I always think back about the times of been bullied, beaten,  and verbally harassed.  Much of this, not all, had to do with suspicion of my sexuality.   I'm not overly flamboyant, but it's noticeable.  For this reason I always fear people will give me a harder time with transitioning.   Hence, why I am very sensitive about rejection.  Though it seems like this isn't the case for most here.  I'm still living in boy mode, so I can't really comment much on how people will read me.  But I have my first endo appointment tomorrow morning, so hopefully I will be on hormones soon and can start feeling comfortable getting out there.

[Jennygirl]

I'm excited for you

Just the act of starting hormones is an extremely gender euphoric experience to say the least. Get ready for the ride of your life!