My parents' reaction

[Agenda Dysphoria]

So, I think I'm an MTF transsexual, I haven't seen a therapist or anything to confirm this yet, but I'm pretty sure I am. I came out to my parents about this a few weeks ago, this is how it went for me:

My parents didn't disown me, so that's good, but they aren't really accepting me either. They consider transsexualism to be a strange, abnormal thing. The main reason they don't want me to transition though is because they believe it will make my life more difficult. They think that if I transition, I would be destroying my chances to become successful, and that I will be shunned by society. They say that transitioning is an act against nature and God (I'm atheist, so the last part didn't really do anything), and that I'll be looked at by everyone else as a weird minority. They are seriously against me being transsexual, in fact, my mom even said that if she got cancer, it would be easier for her to accept than having me be transsexual, they also said they would rather have me do drugs than be transsexual.

My parents think that it is illogical for me to be transsexual, I've told them multiple times that it's not something that can be controlled, but they insist that with enough mental strength it can be overcome. They said that even if I do transition, I'll be an ugly and fake woman, they say I should just be happy with being a normal guy (I can't though). They told me to be smart and get rid of these feelings (hah, easier said than done).

They'll probably be taking me to see a psychiatrist/psychologist some time soon, I'm hoping that I'll get diagnosed with gender dysphoria as it will probably help with getting them to accept me. They're probably hoping that the psychiatrist/psychologist will help me to get rid of my my dysphoria, they think seeing one is unnecessary though and that I should be able to "fight it" by myself.

They're also not very convinced that I'm actually transsexual since I never did any girly things. Well, that's partly because I try not to do anything feminine that would be easily noticed since I don't want anyone to find out when I can't say that I've been diagnosed yet (the diagnosis would be proof, I don't think everyone would believe me if I just told them I was transsexual without medical evidence. A diagnosis would also get rid of my fear of regretting anything if I transition, which is the only thing holding me back. I know that the diagnosis doesn't absolutely guarantee this, but it would make me feel more secure).

So yeah, that's what my parents think at the moment.

[Tristan]

Well it sounds like they reacted sort of ok? I mean in time as you transition maybe they will be better. But it could take quite a but of time for that to happen as they see you all the time

[Emily Aster]

My parents didn't disown me, so that's good, but they aren't really accepting me either. They consider transsexualism to be a strange, abnormal thing. The main reason they don't want me to transition though is because they believe it will make my life more difficult. They think that if I transition, I would be destroying my chances to become successful, and that I will be shunned by society. They say that transitioning is an act against nature and God (I'm atheist, so the last part didn't really do anything), and that I'll be looked at by everyone else as a weird minority.

They need to watch Discovery Channel or Animal Planet once in a while. Humans are not the only ones that exhibit this "behavior" (couldn't think of the word). There are not only animals that are gay or bi, but there are also animals that change their sex and they do it on their own without us interfering. So if there is a god (I'm atheist too), then he made those poor animals to be unnatural just like us...

I can't tell if the rest of that is that they're worried about how the world reacts to you or how the world reacts to them being your parents, but being trans myself, I can honestly say that I already feel like the world looks at me as a weird minority and almost everybody I know has no clue that I'm trans.

My parents think that it is illogical for me to be transsexual, I've told them multiple times that it's not something that can be controlled, but they insist that with enough mental strength it can be overcome. They said that even if I do transition, I'll be an ugly and fake woman, they say I should just be happy with being a normal guy (I can't though). They told me to be smart and get rid of these feelings (hah, easier said than done).

They probably are just trying to make your life easier based on this, but they don't really get what's going on here. Maybe that psychiatrist can show them the light. It takes a lot of strength to bury this and it gets harder every year. I managed to do it for about 30 years before it went from a mental strength to a strategy of staying as busy as possible to not think about it. Gonna be hard to do that when I'm retired! At any rate, by the time someone comes out as trans, they've already identified a transition as a way out and then to have someone tell you that your way out can't possibly be successful, it's devastating.

If everybody they knew suddenly told them that they were gay and should be happy with that and learn to bury their feelings of being straight, how would they react? People don't seem to ever put themselves in other peoples' shoes these days.

They'll probably be taking me to see a psychiatrist/psychologist some time soon, I'm hoping that I'll get diagnosed with gender dysphoria as it will probably help with getting them to accept me. They're probably hoping that the psychiatrist/psychologist will help me to get rid of my my dysphoria, they think seeing one is unnecessary though and that I should be able to "fight it" by myself.

I really hate to say this, but if they don't believe that a psychiatrist is really necessary, then any of them that diagnose you with being trans will be immediately discredited by them most likely. They're taking you there so someone will confirm their suspicions, not so someone can prove them wrong.

They're also not very convinced that I'm actually transsexual since I never did any girly things. Well, that's partly because I try not to do anything feminine that would be easily noticed since I don't want anyone to find out when I can't say that I've been diagnosed yet (the diagnosis would be proof, I don't think everyone would believe me if I just told them I was transsexual without medical evidence. A diagnosis would also get rid of my fear of regretting anything if I transition, which is the only thing holding me back. I know that the diagnosis doesn't absolutely guarantee this, but it would make me feel more secure).

I was the same way and yet my mother still remembered random instances where I seemed a lot more feminine than most guys. I guess she just kind of blocked it out. I never learned to be myself, ever. I remember being in elementary school and already faking it and wishing I had the confidence to be myself like the other kids. I remember seeing the cousins that I hung around with all day every day doing all kinds of crazy stuff in front of the rest of the family and not really caring what the family reaction was. I was always envious of that because I was constantly on my guard and worried about what people would think of me. And if you did the same thing, it's a good bet that they considered you the "good kid" because you always did what they expected. Throwing a wrench like being trans in the mix is enough to mess up anybody's balance.

[Agenda Dysphoria]

I can't tell if the rest of that is that they're worried about how the world reacts to you or how the world reacts to them being your parents

They are worried about how the world reacts to me. They would rather have bad things happen to them instead of having me feel this way.

They probably are just trying to make your life easier based on this, but they don't really get what's going on here. Maybe that psychiatrist can show them the light. It takes a lot of strength to bury this and it gets harder every year. I managed to do it for about 30 years before it went from a mental strength to a strategy of staying as busy as possible to not think about it. Gonna be hard to do that when I'm retired! At any rate, by the time someone comes out as trans, they've already identified a transition as a way out and then to have someone tell you that your way out can't possibly be successful, it's devastating.

Yeah, they don't really understand how I feel I hope the psychiatrist will be able to enlighten them on this

I really hate to say this, but if they don't believe that a psychiatrist is really necessary, then any of them that diagnose you with being trans will be immediately discredited by them most likely. They're taking you there so someone will confirm their suspicions, not so someone can prove them wrong.

The psychiatrist would be one from a list my school counsellor gave me, I really, seriously, hope that he/she isn't biased or inexperienced in this topic

[Ltl89]

I'm sorry they took it this way.  It seems like that is a common reaction that parents have.  My mom has been the same way.  Hopefully with some time they will come around and start to understand. 

[Andaya]

That's got to be a frustrating reaction.  I'm sorry it didn't go so smoothly for you but there are some good points in amongst the bad.

Really it sounds like they don't want it to be true which is such a common thing it seems.  Life would be simpler for people we tell if we weren't trans, so they confuse what they want to be true with what is actually true.

They sound quite like a lot of conservative families (my wife is from an uber small town in TX) that very much worry about what the neighbors and society might think.  My wife's parents are generally quite accepting easy going people for conservative southerners but it raised a few eyebrows when my wife and I first moved in together and when we started sleeping in the same room.

The important thing is to keep your feelings separate from your parents.  Your therapist is there to help you decide what you want to do with your life.  Do you have access to the list of potential therapists?  Why not research them, and maybe email them to ask if they have any experience with gender issues.

Good luck with it!  It sounds like you're discovering this young which is both a blessing for any change you want to make physically and for not spending years stuck in the wrong body.

[Horizon]

My parents also brought up the "You've never done girly things!" topic.

Of course, when I told my friends, their response was something along the lines of, "Well...yeah.  That makes perfect sense."

*sigh*

[Tristan]

My parents also brought up the "You've never done girly things!" topic.

Of course, when I told my friends, their response was something along the lines of, "Well...yeah.  That makes perfect sense."

*sigh*

That's silly. You don't have to be a ballerina to be a girl. Plus they don't know if you were hissing your girly ness . That's not a fair judgment of you .
Just remember puppies, rainbows, unicorns... All things that make you smile happier and distress a little