Quote from: Jane's Sweet Refrain on July 14, 2013, 08:01:17 AM
Here's an update for those interested. So far, it's a qualified success story. We had a second and very romantic date Friday night. I had not told him before the date, so I kept us in public places even though we both wanted very much to head back to his place. However, we did arrange to cook together at his place in a few days, so I knew that I had to make certain that he knew without delay. He took the news very well. He said that he was not certain about my "op" status, but was confident I would disclose it to him in time. He did not hide that he was disappointed because if I were post-op, he would have known exactly what he wanted to do. Now, how and at what speed we progress is more of an open question. So we're taking things slowly to see what feels natural. But the good news is that we are still taking things, if more slowly. I certainly see this as a success. I found a very open and understanding man who also happens to be intelligent, thoughtful, and handsome. No matter what occurs, I think I'll at least have a good new friend.
Thanks to all for your advice and support.
Hi there, lovely 🙂 Thank you so much for returning to say more.
I'm looking at this guy, in my mind's eye thinking "I hope his 'disappointment', that he expressed, didn't turn into a whole chapter on his 'me page' for him, at this beautiful woman's expense". An old friend of mine said about dating that "it's like a baby that needs special extra care, until things get solid". If he's figured out what to do to get this right, he'll want to make sure he does not shame his date for the disclosure. I know that whenever a friend or date says to me they need to tell me something, that's either something that's going to be hard for me to hear and that they've worked themselves up to saying (feedback about my behaviour) or else, something that they've kept to themselves cause they're afraid that if I know, I might look at them differently, or reject them. For that latter one, I've got a vigilant eye out - and get myself ready to flood my friend with love. Disclosures are incredibly courageous things to do, and you're a beautiful person. I also know that the human heart can be incredibly generous, and some people grow to love us, deeply, for perceiving the person within, when they spot something moving about their journey.
I'm really moved by your story and am sitting here, writing thinking "please let her date be one of the men on this planet who spot real strength, courage and beauty and may he want to go on a lasting journey with her. She's awesome. He'd better show her that in praise, otherwise, she's too good for him, and he doesn't deserve her".
And I'm also thinking "did he see the courage of his date and was he moved by that". Some people do, and some don't have language to express affirmation and to express their feelings in ways that nourish an emergent bond.
Although, if I read what you wrote right, sounds like he knew, before you told him, more than you told him?
And if he mistreats you - tell him "stav's gunna stride up to you in his ma's stilettos, with his gym gear on (mixing gender concepts on purpose) hands on hips, and say.
"clothes maketh the man, but stilettos are to support the woman I met at Susan's Place, not the man you are. Look and read her strength. She has more than you and me combined."
