What are you thinking? (Ver 5.0)

[King Malachite]

I have brown eyes and I can't see behind my head. >.<

Speaking of anime, Edge, you showing up is making me think of Hellsing, and how I'm eager to hear Crispin Freeman's smexy voice on girlycard's body. ^.^ LOL

Use a mirror 

[Shantel]

Got my 401 statement in the mail and prior to the end of September, it was actually doing well and had a good return. Hope all this recent crap hasn't hurt it too much.

They spread the risk over a huge investment field, you should be OK. Generally if they take a dip they come back in time since it's a long term investment package, you shouldn't panic.

[of a sort]

They spread the risk over a huge investment field, you should be OK. Generally if they take a dip they come back in time since it's a long term investment package, you shouldn't panic.

Oh, I'm not panicing, just curious about how the next statement will look.

I do have an account that lets me check it, but I haven't been to it in over a year, not sure if I recall the pin for it. 

[Adam (birkin)]

I think, if I could sleep with any celebrity, I'd pick Katy Perry. lol as if that could ever happen.

[Shantel]

I think, if I could sleep with any celebrity, I'd pick Katy Perry. lol as if that could ever happen.

Wait, wait, wait, she's with me in my dreams already, now you stop that! 

[Danielle Emmalee]

Wait, wait, wait, she's with me in my dreams already, now you stop that! 

How good is your roar?

[King Malachite]

I think my mom's more lenient with my brother partly because he's male, despite his autism.  I bet if he told mother he was going to buy a moped, she wouldn't put up much of a fight, but when I say I want to get one out of my own pocket, she doesn't want me to.

Which leads me to my next blog thread....



I really wish Call of Duty: Ghost came with a preorder bonus of the Ghost Mask.  I would wear the heck out of that thing combined with a beret.  I wear glasses but I'd make them fit somehow.  I wish I owned a red millitary beret so I could feel strong and powerful.  I should buy one and then have a custom emblem made on it....probably a crescent moon symbol combined with the Mars symbol.

[Kristal]

Accidentally ran into some gay porn and this time watched for some time. My reactions:



- How many abs does this guy have? It's more like a 12-pack!

- Is like an UFC match when they start doing grapples...

- What? What's that tiny high pitched voice? Even he has better voice than me? 

Yeah, people who think gay male sex is feminine have likely never seen it. It super masculine because it's TWICE THE MANMEAT!

[Shantel]

How good is your roar?

Yes, wasn't that a cute video? I had to give her the boot though, I can't stand a certain pitch she hits trying to sing that is very grating on my nerve ends, might be my age but it's worse than eating crackers in bed as far as I'm concerned. 

[Apples Mk.II]

Yeah, people who think gay male sex is feminine have likely never seen it. It super masculine because it's TWICE THE MANMEAT!

Gives a whole new meaning to "Manwich". I though one of them will act as "the girl", but no, it was more like Godzilla Vs. Mecha Godzilla.

[of a sort]

I'm learning more about the silly little handheld scanner we use for checking in vendors. My boss had a problem with it and I went in and fixed it and then checked in the rest of the vendors while I was there and then helped her make changes in the invoices/pricebooks to get things balanced out so the main office will be happy. Its all only minimally better than just entering the whole invoice manually. Still more work than it ought to be.

[Shantel]

I'm learning more about the silly little handheld scanner we use for checking in vendors. My boss had a problem with it and I went in and fixed it and then checked in the rest of the vendors while I was there and then helped her make changes in the invoices/pricebooks to get things balanced out so the main office will be happy. Its all only minimally better than just entering the whole invoice manually. Still more work than it ought to be.

Dang you're good, you deserve a big raise. Seems that you are their best asset and go-to "Girl Friday!"

[Shantel]

I was chatting with my younger son on FB just now, I let it "slip" that I will be emailing him and his brother an important announcement soon.  Better get crackin' on that coming out letter.  Gulp.  My sons are the last big coming out on my books.  Once they know, I don't much care who finds out.

Good luck Joules! Do you think they have any clues so far? Maybe it won't be a big shock to them?

[King Malachite]

I think whenever my sisters and mom questions my sexuality and if I like girls then I will be honest and say I do....then naturally I'll have to say I'm not a lesbian but trans.

This leads me into the next thought that would send me into a mindbend.  What if I start pointing to some of the small evidence as a child to  my mom and sisters that I've always felt different and they start acting like they don't remember.  I remember coming out to the oldest sister about a year ago and I asked her did she remember us having a conversation when I was in the 5th grade that I told her that I hated being a girl and that I am going to get surgery to make me a boy (before I knew that actually had GRS) and she said no she didn't remember.  Now, that was almost 8 years ago so she probably doesn't remember but I remember so clearly for obvious reasons.  However, what if it was like that for ALL three of them and they all seem to magically forget?  And I start dishing out small evidences left and right and it just seems to not register with them even though I know they should remember some.


Arrrrrgh!  How could that NOT annoy someone?  Luckily, something tells me that they won't be THAT ignorant.  They already suspect/know I like women and heck my mom already knows that I *want* to be a man once I told her I was going to get a hysterectomy.  Heck the oldest sister knows I'm trans though she doesn't accept/believe it.  Now it's just the second oldest sister to come out to and I'm sure she knows somethings up.  At this point I would just have to really make it *official official* and tell them my plans of a partial transition....which I honestly don't know how I can pull that off without them thinking I'm not really committed to it, but that's really my problem and not theirs.  I don't need to come out to my brother since we don't even have a relationship because he wants nothing to do with me.  At one point he told me that he would rather be shot by a terrorist than to have lunch with me.  I would a more fufilling conversation out of my wall than him and I'm not even joking.  Surprisingly, I think it would be HIM that takes my transition the best because he just doesn't give a crap about me.

[Shantel]

I think whenever my sisters and mom questions my sexuality and if I like girls then I will be honest and say I do....then naturally I'll have to say I'm not a lesbian but trans.

This leads me into the next thought that would send me into a mindbend.  What if I start pointing to some of the small evidence as a child to  my mom and sisters that I've always felt different and they start acting like they don't remember.  I remember coming out to the oldest sister about a year ago and I asked her did she remember us having a conversation when I was in the 5th grade that I told her that I hated being a girl and that I am going to get surgery to make me a boy (before I knew that actually had GRS) and she said no she didn't remember.  Now, that was almost 8 years ago so she probably doesn't remember but I remember so clearly for obvious reasons.  However, what if it was like that for ALL three of them and they all seem to magically forget?  And I start dishing out small evidences left and right and it just seems to not register with them even though I know they should remember some.

The first part is probably sufficient and plenty of information for them to absorb and no doubt when it sinks in they will present the questions they need answered. Meanwhile I'd forget the entire mindbend thoughts and realize from the experiences of so many others here that they will no doubt suddenly lose all memory of any such conversations rather than having to deal with what you're saying.

Arrrrrgh!  How could that NOT annoy someone?  Luckily, something tells me that they won't be THAT ignorant.  They already suspect/know I like women and heck my mom already knows that I *want* to be a man once I told her I was going to get a hysterectomy.  Heck the oldest sister knows I'm trans though she doesn't accept/believe it.  Now it's just the second oldest sister to come out to and I'm sure she knows somethings up.  At this point I would just have to really make it *official official* and tell them my plans of a partial transition....which I honestly don't know how I can pull that off without them thinking I'm not really committed to it, but that's really my problem and not theirs.  I don't need to come out to my brother since we don't even have a relationship because he wants nothing to do with me.  At one point he told me that he would rather be shot by a terrorist than to have lunch with me.  I would a more fufilling conversation out of my wall than him and I'm not even joking.  Surprisingly, I think it would be HIM that takes my transition the best because he just doesn't give a crap about me.

There, you've already logically worked through it and have your probably answers. to the problem. Good going!

[King Malachite]

The first part is probably sufficient and plenty of information for them to absorb and no doubt when it sinks in they will present the questions they need answered. Meanwhile I'd forget the entire mindbend thoughts and realize from the experiences of so many others here that they will no doubt suddenly lose all memory of any such conversations rather than having to deal with what you're saying.

And that's the scary part.  Though logic and reasoning behind past experiences is a reasonable basis to dismiss this concern, there still is that great chance that they they will just dump all logic and reasoning out the window and replace it with nothing but religion as an excuse.  I know that happened with my oldest sister.  I kept trying to say that there are doctors and psychiatrists and therapists and physcologists and documented medical evidence ->-bleeped-<- but she dismisses ALL of it because it's "secular".  I mean, how does one even combat that?  They can't.  I could also point out that for me personally it could be genetic since my brother has autism.  My mom had both of my sisters has the same father, but he isn't my brother and I's father.  The worse they got was eczema from him, but with my father, we got a whole sclew of medical conditions and risks.  It's very possible I could have picked up ->-bleeped-<- from him too.  I feel like I'm going to be in court when I face them with tons of evidence, but no matter what I throw at them, the evidence will be inadmissible and no matter how well I will prepare my case, I'm going to lose.  I will be charged as guilty by a jury of my peers....and the peers ARE the judges.

I mentioned in my blog about one of my sisters in particular and how she will probably to "fish" out the past and shes going to  play the "well you were bullied when you were young and and your father was never there so that's why you feel this way" card while my other sister brings out the "molestation" card.  I can guarantee you that "evidence" will be admissible.

Sorry, I didn't mean for that to get so long lol, but I will say this: Well, if we are going to go fishing....I might as well put on my fishing hat.

[Shantel]

And that's the scary part.  Though logic and reasoning behind past experiences is a reasonable basis to dismiss this concern, there

Sorry, I didn't mean for that to get so long lol, but I will say this: Well, if we are going to go fishing....I might as well put on my fishing hat.

A good attitude is always a winner! I'm a Christian and have dealt with some of the extreme views that really just come more from personal bias's than anything else, so I know what you're up against. You may eventually have to cut and run from the family for awhile when you get into the real nuts and bolts of your transition just for your own sanity. I had to give my mom and sis the boot for ten years but it's all good now. So we do whatever it takes!

[of a sort]

I did it.  I wrote an email to my sons, then hit "send".  The cat is way, way out of the bag now.  She's hungry, better go feed her.

I really hope it all goes well, Joules. Good luck!

[King Malachite]

A good attitude is always a winner! I'm a Christian and have dealt with some of the extreme views that really just come more from personal bias's than anything else, so I know what you're up against. You may eventually have to cut and run from the family for awhile when you get into the real nuts and bolts of your transition just for your own sanity. I had to give my mom and sis the boot for ten years but it's all good now. So we do whatever it takes!

And I agree about the personal bias.  I know they would want to (or at least "claim" to) go to the Bible as the final authority on my transition and I'm prepared to do that as a Christian as well.  I think once they find out that the Bible doesn't have too much to say about ->-bleeped-<- (aside from the eunuchs) then that's where the personal bias will really come out.  I wondering if it's possible that they will ever accept me as a brother/son or will they reconsider their stance if they saw I was serious about leaving and x-ing them out of my life if they didn't get on board.  Sometimes I feel that this is my mini "Great Tribulation".

[Shantel]

And I agree about the personal bias.  I know they would want to (or at least "claim" to) go to the Bible as the final authority on my transition and I'm prepared to do that as a Christian as well.  I think once they find out that the Bible doesn't have too much to say about ->-bleeped-<- (aside from the eunuchs) then that's where the personal bias will really come out.  I wondering if it's possible that they will ever accept me as a brother/son or will they reconsider their stance if they saw I was serious about leaving and x-ing them out of my life if they didn't get on board.  Sometimes I feel that this is my mini "Great Tribulation".

Hang in there Malachite you're going to make it hon, we all will as long as we persevere and don't let disappointments get us down in the dumps. Keep looking up!