How long did it take to feel comfortable enough to take off the mask?

[Kara]

I have spent my entire life being whatever people needed me to be. There was no sense of self. I did not exsist in this world, only in my head, where I could be what I wanted.

Now I am slowly figuring out who I am and enjoying it a bit but, my constant need to be accepted, even by strangers leaves me too petrified to take off the mask that I am used to wearing in public.

I know that somthing like this would not happen overnight and when I actually feel comfortable, to be myself, it is nice but for the most part I start telling myself how masculine I am and how I will always be this way.

This is not a body language or voice thing as much as a mind thing.  I can't wait untill I get rid of this facial hair. Then maybe I could get some "out" experience and become confident in who I am.

Did or do any of you who still have to go out into the world as someone else deal with this?

[sarahb]

I would have to say that you summarized my life exactly. I am not like that anymore though, at least not to the extent I was. When I first started transitioning I felt even more like I had to hide since I knew I didn't pass and was so self concious about it. After a few months of HRT though everything changed. Once my mind was free and I could see myself slowly shaping into the person I knew I was, it gave me such a huge boost of confidence that now nothing can stand in my way or bring me down.

That, along with the fact that when you actually realize that those around you who like you for who you are don't care about other things as much, allows you to free yourself up to the joys in life rather than the constant feeling of inadequicy and self-doubt. Knowing that what I did really didn't affect people nearly as much as I feared in my head it would make me realize what I've been missing by letting others dictate my personality, feelings, and beliefs.

Sarah

[Kimberly]

constant need to be accepted

Accept yourself.
No one else can do this for you.

The way I see this, and I am an approval seeker also, their approval is at best a measurement of what they like and or find acceptable. This said, it is a gauge of the social contract we share, but NOT in any way a measure of me, rather the behavior I choose to display.

What I think is the most assured way to be ourselves while not upsetting the situation is to take this process of transition slowly, but more importantly for ourselves to not do anything of which we do not feel totally natural and TOTALLY entitled to. I suppose one way of expressing this thought would be to say to stay within your comfort zone while proceeding at your own pace in the direction you feel you need to go.


You will notice that the underlying element of what I am saying is to NOT look to them for approval of what and who we are. The bottom line is that we do not need their approval nor permission to be whom we are.


Best wishes and blessed be,

[Maud]

When the fear of not being accepted eclipsed the hatred I had for having to act like someone I was just not.

As it happened that was 6 weeks after I came to terms as TS.