Ask me anything! Those who have succeeded and able to give advice

[Joanna Dark]

I was born in 1957 and it took me til 1978 to realise that I was a girl inside.I often thought of being a girl from 13 onwards when I first dressed.It took til 1989 before I knew this feeling wasn't going away and I went to see a doctor and 1990 before I started HRT,electrolysis and living in role at nights and weekends.I went full time in 1991,had my op in 1994.I might not have all the answers but if I can help please ask.Things have improved vastly in the UK over the past few years but there's still some way to go.I only wish I had accepted my being  transexual in 1978 and sought help and advice instead of wasting over 10 years

Judging from the dates in your post, I am about the same age as you were when you started transition. I feel like I wasted 10 years but am happy I am at least doing something. I tell myself I might not ever have a full life because I wasted my 20s pretty much, but I feel like I can have a half-life, something. It's worth it, right? Worth starting over at 30.

[dreaming.forever]

My question is for anyone who had their transition unexpectedly delayed for whatever reason (financial, emotional, whatever). How did you cope with waiting, and looking back on it now, is there anything you wish you had done differently while waiting to finish your transition?

[Cindy]

My question is for anyone who had their transition unexpectedly delayed for whatever reason (financial, emotional, whatever). How did you cope with waiting, and looking back on it now, is there anything you wish you had done differently while waiting to finish your transition?

I delayed for ages due to family, work and fear. I lived as me only at home, too scared to go forward. Looking back, I should have not given in too fear.

I lost years of my life.

[big kim]

Judging from the dates in your post, I am about the same age as you were when you started transition. I feel like I wasted 10 years but am happy I am at least doing something. I tell myself I might not ever have a full life because I wasted my 20s pretty much, but I feel like I can have a half-life, something. It's worth it, right? Worth starting over at 30.

Better late than never!It was worth it,I doubt I would still be alive had I not transitioned,not through suicide but carelessness due to being drunk or stoned on weed.I set chip pans on fire,fell down the stairs through a glass door,fell asleep in the bath and knocked hair dryers and a radio into the bath.You can have a full life over 30,go for it!

[kelly_aus]

My question is for anyone who had their transition unexpectedly delayed for whatever reason (financial, emotional, whatever). How did you cope with waiting, and looking back on it now, is there anything you wish you had done differently while waiting to finish your transition?

I delayed coming out for 20-odd years.. Partly through fear and partly through ignorance.. Denial played it's part too..

[big kim]

I delayed coming out for 20-odd years.. Partly through fear and partly through ignorance.. Denial played it's part too..

I delayed through fear,ignorance and denial too.

[mrs izzy]

My question is for anyone who had their transition unexpectedly delayed for whatever reason (financial, emotional, whatever). How did you cope with waiting, and looking back on it now, is there anything you wish you had done differently while waiting to finish your transition?

For me it was fear of the unknow that slowed me down switching from part-time to full-time. My X had a lot to do with that.

Izz

[Cindy]

It does seem fear is our biggest gatekeeper.

[Jaelithe]

On that subject, and at risk of sounding like the whiny newbie I feel like, the big fear that keeps me up at night lately is some kind of scenario where my chosen therapist(whoever they turn out to be) strings me along for months, maybe years, keeping their consent for legal document changes and E just out of reach to leech as much money as possible from me before denying them to me altogether.

Is this a normal fear?  Does it ever happen?  Am I just neurotic? etc etc

[Tessa James]

When, if ever, did you feel your "transition" was complete and what were the triggers that said you had arrived?  We change and, hopefully mature, all the time right?

How different was your early transition from years later?  I expect some of the novelty and thrill may have diminished but what else?

Thank you for being mentors and sharing your lives with us.

[mrs izzy]

When, if ever, did you feel your "transition" was complete and what were the triggers that said you had arrived?  We change and, hopefully mature, all the time right?

How different was your early transition from years later?  I expect some of the novelty and thrill may have diminished but what else?

Thank you for being mentors and sharing your lives with us.

Its funny for me the 2 weeks before my GCS i was getting this lost empty feeling inside and in my mind. First i thought it was because of me having to stop my HRT. I came to understand it more when i was back in my room after my GCS. It was in fact my mind and body starting to settle the conflict of who i am vs who i was.

Early transition for me was hell. More because of my X. I wanted it all to work out but i was the only one wanting to fight for it to survive. After things settled i just did that settled into a normal life, job, house, husband and friendships.

Izzy

[mrs izzy]

On that subject, and at risk of sounding like the whiny newbie I feel like, the big fear that keeps me up at night lately is some kind of scenario where my chosen therapist(whoever they turn out to be) strings me along for months, maybe years, keeping their consent for legal document changes and E just out of reach to leech as much money as possible from me before denying them to me altogether.

Is this a normal fear?  Does it ever happen?  Am I just neurotic? etc etc

I know you said it is a fear. You have to not let yourself fall for the fears being they will eat you alive. Been there done that and found out 99% of my fears where false fears.

If you are a patient of any therapists and if you feel things are not going good then move onto another. I know about therapists that are about the money, i had one try to do that to me. Lets say i am no fool and turned him into the ethics committee and he lost his ability to practice.

Izzy

[aleon515]

My question is for anyone who had their transition unexpectedly delayed for whatever reason (financial, emotional, whatever). How did you cope with waiting, and looking back on it now, is there anything you wish you had done differently while waiting to finish your transition?

Being on the other side (if it is that?) I am a very late transitioner. I think that we as FTMs have a bit of a different problem of very low visibility. Once someone transitions they go off and live as male and no one is the wiser, in many cases (though this is changing). I knew i was different, did not ID as female, knew I felt like a male, and all that. But didn't actually know I could transition. When someone famous came out (like Chaz Bono) it didn't actually help because it seemed special and unique and not really like something real people could do.


--Jay

[Northern Jane]

My question is for anyone who had their transition unexpectedly delayed for whatever reason (financial, emotional, whatever). How did you cope with waiting ...

I didn't cope, or at least not very well! I had been living a double life for years but there was no way to 'legally transition' in those days (early 1970s) without surgery and I couldn't afford to go to Europe for SRS so I was stuck from age 17 to 24. I couldn't stand living the double life because returning to "male mode" was way too painful so I quit. I started to sink into a deep depression and had been suicidal for a couple of years before Dr. Biber opened his practice in Colorado. When I first heard about him, I contacted him and had my medical records sent to him but I only had half enough money for the surgery. He said to come on down anyway - if he hadn't, I wouldn't be alive today.

When, if ever, did you feel your "transition" was complete and what were the triggers that said you had arrived?

Yes, I felt everything was complete the moment I woke up from surgery! I knew I still had a lot to learn, a lot of growing up to do but I was "home", I was finally complete. I had left everything else behind so I was starting over with nothing (literally NOTHING!) but I was ME in every way that mattered and nobody batted an eyelash.

[Zumbagirl]

When, if ever, did you feel your "transition" was complete and what were the triggers that said you had arrived?  We change and, hopefully mature, all the time right?

How different was your early transition from years later?  I expect some of the novelty and thrill may have diminished but what else?

Thank you for being mentors and sharing your lives with us.

I've been away for many months, mostly busy, but also keeping my distance as well. I know people's lives are their own lives and it's not for me to decide what is right and what is wrong. I've seen people on here give bad advice, say things that I know are untrue, but honestly I will say this. I encountered the same things too when it was my turn, and you know what? The people who were on the "other side of the street" didn't say anything either. It's up to each one of us to determine what is the truth and what is relevant to their own situation.

I had my SRS surgery in 2003, just slightly over 10 years ago now. I was full time in 2001, and started the journey for real in 1999. Anything before that was "dabbling", "playing around" whatever.

I have read all of these stories about SRS surgery doesn't matter, etc etc. I can only say this one thing. Maybe it doesn't cure other peoples dysphoria but it sure as hell cured mine. That's when I knew I was done. There was no longer any confusion or problems. I was all girl and could prove it. After the whirlwind of after care started to die down and my life didn't revolve around dilating or electrolysis all the time, I realized that my life had settled into a nice place. Honestly after I had reached that point I looked back and thought "how the hell did I just do that?". I had amazed myself on so many levels that I managed to come out, transition, have surgery and end up in a nice quiet unassuming life as a woman. I couldn't possibly ask for anything more.

Back when I transitioned it was about the standards of care. I studied that thing until I could quote it word for word. I actually remember telling my shrinks what things needed to be in those letters so that I knew I had all i's dotted and all t's crossed. I left nothing to chance. I remember even though Dr Brassard said no genital electro, I just couldn't afford even the slightest chance of hair. 99% satisfactory outcome was not good enough for me. It delayed my SRS for over a year but I put the year to good use and pushed myself to get my electrolysis out of the way and do the lower end zapping. With little else to spend money on, it was easier to save up for surgery.

When I went to Thailand a few years later for BA, I wasn't a trans person travelling anymore, just a plain old woman flying over seas. I was where I wanted to be. Over the years I have to deal with the period jokes, watching new familes happen (child birth) and learning what it means to be a woman of the world or what it means for me to be me.

It's a nice feeling today to live a life without having to spend all day long thinking "what am I, a man or a woman"? With that piece of my brain back I have been able to accomplish much. I often say I have more balls now than I did before I mean that too. This process turned around my life for the better. Hope that helps!

[kelly_aus]

When, if ever, did you feel your "transition" was complete and what were the triggers that said you had arrived?  We change and, hopefully mature, all the time right?

How different was your early transition from years later?  I expect some of the novelty and thrill may have diminished but what else?

Thank you for being mentors and sharing your lives with us.

Apart from 1 or little things, I consider my transition complete. Why? I live my life as a woman. I'm accepted as a woman. I've been in 2 wedding parties, once as a bridesmaid, once as Mother of the Bride.

[Emenii]

I really have trouble convincing my parents that I am actually trans.
That or they are deeply afraid I am making a horrible mistake. They keep referring me to websites like trans regrets or something like that and I am just like -.-

I really need help and advice to get past this road block. They insist I am a boy and always have been and it drives me crazy.

[LordKAT]

There are some good books you could ask them to read. There is also PFLAG which may be helpful to them.

[Tessa James]

Thank you Izzy, Zumbagirl and Kelly, yes you do help.

I was concerned, to a small degree, about the self absorbed navel gazing that I do with this process and look forward to the days that will just seem ordinary.  I feel fortunate in many ways and part of this for me was that I never believed it was possible.  Sure I had the dream and the shadow self but now this new reality is empowering and self affirming to the max!  It feels good too to have no specific goals about where I must get to. 

[Antonia J]

I have male pattern baldness and hate my hairline.  Thinking of ffs in 18-24 months after starting hrt. Should I get my hairline restored now....about $8000...or just suck it up and get it after ffs to save money and cover scars or other surgery issues? If I do it now, then I have 2 years of hair and less dysphoria (and my hair is a big source of frustration). Just not sure of the right sequence or what I should be thinking about this.