They told me they'd be days like this...

[Keira]

I live in  a dense neighborhood that I would qualify as working class and multi-ethnic; I've spend all but 3 years of my life there.

In the last few months, with the sun,  2-3 groups of 4-8 guys from 12-16 years old have been hanging around in front of the row of duplex on the other side of the street from my appartment. These guys have been living there for at least 5-10 years, so they know the old me pretty well. I must have passed in front of these houses 20000 times in the last 10 years to go to the bustop, shopping, whatever.

As usualI passed that way, passed these guys lounging like ugly lizards in the sun. I had in last weeks that something wasn't right... But, its not until yesterday evening when I came back from my mother's house (she lives one block away from my appartment) that they finally found the "courage"  to taunt me on the street, yelling mister, girl-boy, fruit, switching into vulgar come ons usually targetted at prostitutes... It was HORRIBLE.
I ignored it, but It shook me since Its so close I know they know where I live, and I can't really get away from it. A month, ago, something similar again happened very close to my house.

This neighborhood is like my home planet. Its like being attacked in my own home. I thought I could transition here and people would leave me be, forget the lonely guy I was before. But, this is not the "Plateau" (A trendy liberal neighborhood), there is no such reprieve here, those bums in front now worry me. I'm worried they'll vandalize my property.

I've got a super low rent for a nice appartment and I can't get that kind of deal anywhere else in the city. I need to pay much debts and I cannot afford to move for at least a year, I feel trapped!!

I felt like total crap, my mother said that in those clothes, shorts and T, I didn't look as feminine... But, I didn't believe it; I feel I look good. Those guys would have targetted me no matter how  I dressed or looked; its like their offended their masculinity or something... It was more homophobia than transphobia I think, or mix of both...

I feel sick.   

Sorry to rant... But, this was an horrible horrible thing, and I'm afraid it will repeat itself.
I don't know what I can do, besides go. But, then I'll suffer much in other ways (financial) right now.
I don't want to have to make such a decision with such sucky alternatives: endure or move... There must be a third way.

Outside the close area around my house, I've never been questioned, pointed, insulted, etc. My past haunts me here. I know I'll have to move because I know I won't be able to change these bigots minds.

[Steph]

That's a scary situation to find yourself in especially being alone.  A similar thing happened to me a few years ago now and it really makes you feel sick to your stomach when it happens.  Since there is a group of them I would advise against any confrontation as it is obvious that they are getting braver and they have the security of their numbers.

How is your local police department with this type of thing.  I know here in Canada they are compelled to react should I complain about a similar situation.  It would be worth a visit to the local police and express your concerns to them so that you are on record and they are aware of a potential situation.

Normally I would advise against moving but to stand your ground but given there there is a risk that this may escalate I would definitely start looking for new digs as I doubt that the situation will improve.

Steph

[debisl]

Do you have a mutual friend that knows these people? Are these high school kids that are out of school now and have nothing else to do? Are they there all day long?

You are pretty. Hold your head high!

Unless they get physical I would just go about your business. Usualy this behavior will go away if you ignore them. If they think they can get a reaction out of you they will pester you for ever. If you act like you don't care they will loose interest and find some other person to bother. This age bracket of kids can be cruel, even to themselves.

Deb

[LostInTime]

Sorry to hear about that and I agree with the ignore them thing. They are trying to get a rise out of you and if you continually do not go for the bait, they will look elsewhere.

[carol_w]

Keira,

I vote with Deb and LIT.  Ignore them, and they'll probably find something/somebody else to pick on.  I experienced so much of this growing up, I can't tell you the number of times that I was teased/taunted for being the "fem boy". 

BUT, like Steph, I would also visit with your local police, as well.  They need to know what's happening, and if they're appraised of possible trouble, they may begin to keep more of an eye on your neighborhood.

Carol

[Kate]

Sorry to hear about that and I agree with the ignore them thing. They are trying to get a rise out of you and if you continually do not go for the bait, they will look elsewhere.

Right, if you stay, I'd say this is the best idea. Immature guys in groups get such a mob mentality sometimes (sorry guys), feeling a need to prove to one another that they're SO manly and not homosexual. The sad thing is I bet if you ever encountered some of them alone in other circummstances, they'd be perfect gentlemen. Maybe But you know how insecure guys have to thump their hairy chests when with other insecure guys. It's MOSTLY just for show.

Odds are, once they've made their point to one another, they'll move on. In a twisted way, it's really more about proving themselves to one another than a *personal* attack on you, if you see what I mean. Hopefully once they feel secure again, they'll lose interest.

BUT, if things look like they're escalating, it's probably time to get out, regardless of the financial toll

~Kate~

[Melissa]

It sounds like your living situation isn't such a bargain after all, if you include the neighborhood.  It may be best to find another place to move to regardless of the financial impact for your own safety.  If you are assaulted, you aren't going to be able to make money and then you would be in a much worse situation.  Also, if you have a lease, you can generally get out of it if you can show that you have to move for your safety.

[debisl]

I would move only as a last resort. Stand your ground. You may want to evaluate yourself on your apperel. If you are dressing to kill you may be drawing too much attention to yourself. Tone it down in your neighborhood. If you are tall and stand out wear flats.

I don't know where you live but here in the north country it is winter 9 months out of the year. HA! HA!
You won't see too many punks sitting outside bothering people in below 0 climate. Our crime rate is very low also.

Keira you are a beautiful person. I see no reason for this to happen. Like others have said I would surely keep my eyes open for trouble. At any time you see any of them following you, get somewhere and call the police.

This is one of many reasons I moved to the country. Don't get me wrong if I were to be found out they would probably hang me. Country boys can be rough. I have made it a habit to go about my business, but I don't frat too much with the locals. A woman alone at a ranch can be scarry at night. I have security gates and a dog that barks if a chipmunk crosses the road.

Back to you! Don't let ->-bleeped-<-s surpress you. You are a woman now and you need to stand up for yourself. Once you do this it will come much easier the next time. The reason I asked in the previous post if you had a mutual friend that knows these people. Maybe they could have a talk with them and try to shame them.

One more thing! " Get a can of mace or pepper spray" Keep your hand on it in your purse while walking past these guys. If you ever have to use it plan on moving soon. If you think your police dept are good people I might contact them and give them the story so you do have a record of a complaint.

I truly hope it does noe esculate into anything else.

See Ya GF
Deb

[Melissa]

One more thing! " Get a can of mace or pepper spray" Keep your hand on it in your purse while walking past these guys.

Keep in mind that mace and pepper spray are not equivalents.  Pepper spray is what you want because for some people, pain doesn't stop them, but pepper spray blinds too.

For more info, see http://www.peppersprayinformation.com/mace-vs-pepperspray.shtml

[Dennis]

Also keep in mind that mace and pepper spray are illegal in Canada. I believe that you can carry pepper spray for the purpose of warding off animal attacks though.

Dennis

[Laura Eva B]

This neighborhood is like my home planet. Its like being attacked in my own home. I thought I could transition here and people would leave me be, forget the lonely guy I was before. But, this is not the "Plateau" (A trendy liberal neighborhood), there is no such reprieve here, those bums in front now worry me. I'm worried they'll vandalize my property.

.... Outside the close area around my house, I've never been questioned, pointed, insulted, etc. My past haunts me here. I know I'll have to move because I know I won't be able to change these bigots minds.

Keira, please try not to let it get you down ... so far its just one incident.

See how it develops, they're just "kids in a pack" who will taunt any soft target to make themselves feel macho, not really bigots, and its unfair to call them that.

And I really don't think that 12 - 16 year olds are likely to be violent, its all "show". 

I'd be so much more worried if the agression was coming from their parents ... here in the UK in many working class districts a TS woman is likely to be categorised as a "pervert" and "child molestor" and literally hounded from her home.  Its happened so often.

It must be so upsetting, but try to brave it out ... whatever you do don't challenge them, just ignore.  If you go to the police and they tackle the kids parents then you really will have "outed" yourself to the whole community  .

If it does get too bad, then I'd say moving whatever its financial penalties has big advantages in giving you a whole new start.  Obviously Mont Royal / Plateau are silly areas to look pricewise (as would be Hampstead or Highgate in London ....).

I've lived 25 years in an "urban inner-city" area which I love, and where everyone seems in their 20 - 30's, very cosmopolitan, very mixed race, Asian, Afro-Carribean, and recently a huge influx of young east-Europeans - but no troublesome teenage kids at all as by then parents have swopped inner city convenience, facilities and "buzz" for the peace of the suburbs.  Surely there must be OK priced areas like that in Montreal ? 

Whatever you do, don't even think about CS/pepper spray ... its illegal just like in the UK .... and just imagine the police line if you used it on a 12 - 14 year old !

Really hope it works out without upheavals being neccessary.

Hugs 

Laura x

[Keira]

Thanks folks for all the support, I've calmed down, I was a bit manic last night, I don't like to feel that way, I felt like bashing their face in, I was that MAD... Of course, I would never do it, I don't even hurt spiders.

Ignoring is probably the best solution.

There is very little street crime in Canada, so I'm not afraid of being assaulted.

I really need to stay here, I'm paying half of market rate.
I won't let these jerks run my life.

Finally, today,  I went downtown, I got amourously pursued by two guys, in malls and on the street (the kind of heavy flirting only latino men, which they both were, know the secret of) and a guy on a bike yelled me a compliment? The guys were not my style, but I liked the validation. Whoever ups there certainly like to play with my mind.

Thanks again you all, thank you for lending me your ear.

[Laura Eva B]

There is very little street crime in Canada, so I'm not afraid of being assaulted.

As my old self I was "mugged" three times in the backstreets of my home city, never with a knife, but only once did I manage to fight off my attacker and keep my wallet ....

As a really "fit and athletic" looking woman, as opposed to that "nerdy slightly overweight guy with a briefcase", I feel confident that I'm less of a target nowadays, and that I'm judged stronger and as "more trouble than its worth" by any potential assailant than my "old self" ever was ... and how embarassing would it be for a guy if a woman fights off his attack (?) .... guess I'm kind of looking forwards to when the attempted "handbag snatch" inevitably happens .....

Sadly street crime is a huge reality in most UK towns and cities  ....

But homophobic / trans attacks are so different from "street crime" and have a momentum of their own, with quite different motives than just getting cash for the next "fix" ,,,, with usually far more dangerous and life threatening consequences .... the real danger doesn't come from teenage street kids, but from letting our confience get us too deeply involved in relationships where we should never have ventured ?

Laura x

[Hypatia]

offended their masculinity or something... It was more homophobia than transphobia I think, or mix of both...

Homophobes do not distinguish between the two. It's one and the same thing to them. That's just the fact of the matter. Historically in Western culture, the two were combined or conflated until transgender developed an identity of its own only in the late 20th century. So the attitude is a conservative and backward one. In many ethnic cultures to this day the two are still not distinguished from each other.

One of my gay friends who has studied such issues reminds other gays that homophobia is at root a gender issue, which is why they should care about transgender liberation too, our struggles are interconnected that way.

I was a bit manic last night, I don't like to feel that way [...] I got amourously pursued by two guys [...] The guys were not my style, but I liked the validation.

I've had similar experiences on the street with guys following me, hitting on me, the last time this happened it produced a manic state in me (just as I was adjusting to a new antidepressant) and I felt sickened after I calmed down the next day. As you said, I liked the validation, but ultimately I'm more frightened by it all. I need to work on street safety... something all women learn growing up. Do not trust guys on the street no matter how nice they may seem. Hold your head up, keep looking straight ahead, and walk with a confident, purposeful stride.