I kind of relate to this, really. I am not saying that attracting men was an absolute raison d'etre, but it was certainly a big factor. There's been a tendency to de-sexualise trans motivations but once upon a time it was considered one (but only one) of the factors involved. If you're attracted to men but don't feel homosexual - and don't wish to attract homosexuals - that's kind of a big deal because where exactly does it leave you in that regard? No-Person's Land, pretty much, to put it neutrally.
Age isn't being particularly kind to me. But I am over 40 now. My face is somewhat inherently thin so I am finding the (inevitable) facial wasting & sagging is giving me a gauntness not appropriate to my weight and kind of vaguely masculinising (sagging also making my nice jawline look heavier which REALLY sucks). I've been experimenting with diet and also half-hearted attempts at facial exercising (I can't say this doesn't work because I haven't stuck to it properly, tbh). I think it has impacted on my passability, which was probably 95% and may have dropped to 90 in last couple of years. I did have some minor facial work I wanted to have done YEARS AGO and never managed to get done. It isn't a major deal, basically I have a disfigured nose (accident @ 20, deviated septum & ugly bump, very poor in profile) and a small but annoying lump on my neck that I KNOW gets me read as trans occasionally. (BTW this is inside of what you'll see on regular women, too, so anyone with larger almost certainly IS getting read that way - and the only reason I know is that I make a point of knowing such things as opposed to Ignorance Is Bliss - whether rightly or wrongly, this has a profound association with maleness even if a la me, it's the size of a peanut.) So anyhow, I'm depressed that age is giving me an extra bite. I lost some weight (not actually a bad thing), which caved cheeks in a bit - also made neck lump much more visible - have regained some weight but the extent to which it's gone back on my face and neck is VERY minimal, unfortunately... wish I could say the same for my waist!
(On the plus side, for some reason I've gone from a C cup to a DD! Very odd, so many years post-op, although apparently a DD isn't necessarily as huge as people tend to think. My boobs look pretty average. But then a GG friend just told me she's a D and she looks pretty compact, really, so there you go.)
Passing all round was a very powerful motivator. I wasn't going to accept being unpassable. And this BTW, is a curse. Well, I'm not saying I'm not anyway. Just less than I might have been, so aging is a massive downer. For myself I'd appreciate any hints on facial stuff that might not involve dermal filler or whatever. The anxiety of still wanting some work past 40 is enormous. Don't look my age in some respects. But even that, I think, could be a discordance, you know, people struggling to even figure out how old I am, it strikes an odd note that makes people more curious than they might be otherwise.
Am attractive to some people, but never sure to what extent there's a kink or a curiosity in the allegedly 'exotic' going on there. Which is kind of a turn-off for me. Been there, done that, it sucked hard. Which has left me celibate really. It's difficult all round. I never moved past that 'attractive but a bit unusual' phase. Still wanting to. And time is my enemy now.
And this isn't down on people less passable. Seriously. I think this diversity of priority is just a fact of life, really. If I could change, I honestly would.
