So we lose another one

[Jamie D]

"Well... I've seen some non-moderated misandry on this site. Two of which included foul language. It seems acceptable to bash cis-males on this site from what I've seen but deity forbid you say something bad about women... "

***

People on this site saying really stupid things... as well as non-moderated misandry even when it includes foul language.

***

I see this as a personal failure on my part.  No sense in arguing.  That is how I have personalize it.

These were posts from a fun genderqueer member.  So this especially hits home.

Rather than sit and stew about what idiots have to say, please hit the report button.  Even though we have several moderators, we just can't catch every bit of stupidity.  I did catch one bit of foul-mouthed hatred recently, and dropped a 20% warning on them, but it may have been too late.  The hatred may have caused a member to leave.

The idea is that this should be a place that is safe for TG/TS members to be.  ... to discuss issues n a civil, non-threatening, non-bombastic manner.  We get enough hatred and abuse in the real world.  Please don't bring it here.

[Athena]

Moderators are people too, with their own issues and their own timetables. A personal failure because someone left NAH, I am thinking that the other person had other issues and this was just the excuse to act out.

Don't listen to the few people who are angry listen to the many who are grateful for you service as a mod.

[Donna Elvira]

Moderators are people too, with their own issues and their own timetables. A personal failure because someone left NAH, I am thinking that the other person had other issues and this was just the excuse to act out.

Don't listen to the few people who are angry listen to the many who are grateful for you service as a mod.

I agree completely. This has got to be one of the most courteous, supportive forums on the planet. If anything, at times it is almost too squeaky clean/PC with almost any sort of controversial exchange leading to rapid lockdown of the thread and/or suppression of the offending posts...  

As anyone who did the "How French are you" test knows, we French (even Irish born Froggies  ) love lively debate so I sometimes have to hold myself back, but I do understand that this is a necessary condition for people to feel safe here and that is so important.

So Jamie, by any objective standard you guys do a really great job and even if it is always sad to see someone go in a huff, communication is a two way street. You can control what you say/write but you can't control how your messages are registered by the receiver.
Warm regards.
Donna   

[Ciara]

You should not blame yourself. You do a wonderful job that you can be proud of. There will always be people who hate and people who blame. The rest of us will continue to give help, support and love to our community in the ways we best can.
Ciara.

[Lo]

I can see where they're coming from. Maybe that's just the nature of having many more MtFs than anyone else, I don't know.

Is Susan's a safe space or isn't it? Is it a safe space for everybody, or just a few kinds of people? I came here with the assumption that everyone was welcome and no one would have to be indirectly trashed for their gender identity. I'm going to continue to operate by that assumption, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that it wasn't a recurring theme for some topics and that it wasn't grating to hear.

[Donna Elvira]

I can see where they're coming from. Maybe that's just the nature of having many more MtFs than anyone else, I don't know.

Is Susan's a safe space or isn't it? Is it a safe space for everybody, or just a few kinds of people? I came here with the assumption that everyone was welcome and no one would have to be indirectly trashed for their gender identity. I'm going to continue to operate by that assumption, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that it wasn't a recurring theme for some topics and that it wasn't grating to hear.

Hi Lo (Funny combination but it wasn't premeditated..at least not at my end )
I guess we all have our sensitivities but after 5 months of regular presence on this forum I really haven't picked up on any category of participant being thrashed, whether it be directly or indirectly.
However there are certainly themes that generate more interest than others based, no doubt, on the fact that more people identify with some subjects than with others.
As I can imagine being blind to certain sensitivities, would you care to provide some details on the "recurring themes" you refer to above?
Hugs
Donna

[Sarah Louise]

People are going to come and go, that is the nature of life.

Obviously we make every attempt not to allow insults to individuals or groups of people, but things do slip by.  It is impossible for any Moderator to read every post, we read what we can, when we can.

We depend on members reporting things when they see a problem, every Moderator reads the Reports, we never ignore them.  We Do Not take it lightly when a member leaves, but it is "their choice".

[Beth Andrea]

Jamie, I just want to say that you and the other mods do a WONDERFUL job of keeping things civil and often "lead by example" in appropriate behaviors re: posting.

Simple civility.

And no one can control how another person will interpret a particular post...but if it is too far out of line, there are actually three options (in no particular order):

1. Walk away from the thread.
2. Use the "report" button.
3. PM a mod directly, so you know someone read the complaint.

There's no reason to get huffy and "take your ball and go home." At least, not here.

*hugs*

[Lo]

Now the disclaimer is that I haven't been here long AT ALL, and I have a tendency to be hypervigilant and see patterns where there may or may not be any. I also understand that MtFs have it much worse as a group than AFAB TGs and TSs, so I personally have to check myself when I feel my hackles getting raised by someone venting about masculinity and things of that sort.

But in my short time here I have seen a number of posters talk negatively about men and masculinity in all sorts of topics, insinuating that masculinity is inherently this or that, and that femininity and womanhood is inherently better. I don't go into the binary MtF/FtM subforums, so these sentiments are being aired out in the open. And that's not to mention the recent thread that was closed where it was revealed that a poster or two endorsed/was apathetic toward the abuse of men. I don't know how often that happens, but I'm glad that it was nipped in the bud sooner rather than later.

As a nonbinary, I have other issues with the environment here, but they are nothing major, and there's only so much I can realistically expect from a place that tries to provide for binary and nonbinary trans* people. It's also neither here nor there. :V

[Lo]

I think the problem is that a lot of posters don't remember the report function is there much of the time, or maybe when something someone posts distresses them enough to make them leave, the gut response is "they're not going to understand, I'm not even going to bother". Not much that can be done about that, I guess.

[Devlyn]

People are going to come and go, that is the nature of life.

Obviously we make every attempt not to allow insults to individuals or groups of people, but things do slip by.  It is impossible for any Moderator to read every post, we read what we can, when we can.

We depend on members reporting things when they see a problem, every Moderator reads the Reports, we never ignore them.  We Do Not take it lightly when a member leaves, but it is "their choice".

Exactly this. If you make a post that says you don't like something, it might take awhile for someone to find it. When you use the "Report to moderator" button, I get an email and the phone in my pocket beeps. It's like calling the fire department. We are here to help, but you can help us help you. Hugs, Devlyn

[Erin Kay Howell]

Love you Jamie!

[Natkat]

It's a very difficult challengde to keep the diffrence transgender categories all together, all with diffrent view and opinions, yet neither supressing the freedom of speach neither stepping on someone.
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alot of transgenders do have issues with other kinds of transgenders. we can look at some exemples about, stealth/open, or binary/non-binary. I think we all make mistakes but we just have to try our best to work together, and even doing our best I dont belive its posible to be 100% free of troubles of hard discussions.
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We have actually had those discussions in my local comunety before because this is a very big problem where I live. I think some of the best advice would be,

1, you can say your opinion if its constructive positive or negative. so if your critical about something you gonna explain why, and you may also come up with a suggestion how to make things better .
"You are stupid" <-- is bad "I dont think its a good way they way you do this, maybe try" <-- is good
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2, always speak for yourself.
"you need homones" "transgenders feel like___" is speaking of someone ells.
"in my opinion" "I think" "I belive" you only talk for yourself.

3, and remember the basic its suport, we need each other so lets get the best out of it.

these are some of the rules we try to live by.

[Arch]

I think the problem is that a lot of posters don't remember the report function is there much of the time

Lo might have hit the nail on the head. These members could be like the students who e-mail me to find out the homework assignment or the late paper policy when it has been there in the syllabus all along.

Perhaps the report button needs to be more prominent.

We occasionally go through a cycle like this one and make a public plea for people to report offensive posts, but that's apparently not enough to remind people year round.

[Lo]

Lo might have hit the nail on the head. These members could be like the students who e-mail me to find out the homework assignment or the late paper policy when it has been there in the syllabus all along.

Perhaps the report button needs to be more prominent.

We occasionally go through a cycle like this one and make a public plea for people to report offensive posts, but that's apparently not enough to remind people year round.

I run a forum and even -I- forget the report function is there! I get an email from the forum server every now and then and wonder "what the heck is this?" every single time.

Maybe make it bright red and flashing.

[Arch]

My syllabus is bright green, and they still forget to use it...

[big kim]

I recently found an offensive and moronic remark on here and got in a beef with the author instead of reporting it.Not for the first time as the moderators will tell you.

[Donna Elvira]

Now the disclaimer is that I haven't been here long AT ALL, and I have a tendency to be hypervigilant and see patterns where there may or may not be any. I also understand that MtFs have it much worse as a group than AFAB TGs and TSs, so I personally have to check myself when I feel my hackles getting raised by someone venting about masculinity and things of that sort.

But in my short time here I have seen a number of posters talk negatively about men and masculinity in all sorts of topics, insinuating that masculinity is inherently this or that, and that femininity and womanhood is inherently better. I don't go into the binary MtF/FtM subforums, so these sentiments are being aired out in the open. And that's not to mention the recent thread that was closed where it was revealed that a poster or two endorsed/was apathetic toward the abuse of men. I don't know how often that happens, but I'm glad that it was nipped in the bud sooner rather than later.

As a nonbinary, I have other issues with the environment here, but they are nothing major, and there's only so much I can realistically expect from a place that tries to provide for binary and nonbinary trans* people. It's also neither here nor there. :V

Hi again, Lo (Can't help it now... )
I suspect that binaries (MtF and MtF) are very much in majority here and can fully understand that others may feel a bit marginalized at times. I also gues that many MtF's have some issues with certain types of masculinity, I certainly do, but again guess that it comes with the territory. All of that being said, I sincerely believe that most people here show very high levels of acceptance of all the differences that exist in life and those that don't are very much the outliers.
Once that is said, we all sort of decide what we choose to focus on, the negatives or the positives. Personnally, I decided a long time ago to focus on the positives and did myself a very big favor in the processs.
Wishing you all the best.
Donna   

[Ltl89]

Misandry is equally as stupid as misogyny.  I don't get how people could judge an entire gender or sex on the actions of few individuals.  It's the same issue with racism and other forms of bigotry.  There is no justification for such beliefs.

A suggestion to those who take offense to some of the posts, realize that not every view reflects the staff's.  Sometimes people may say something that is controversial or in jest yet falls within the terms of service.  If that statement remains, discuss the issue with them.  Nothing wrong in a conversation. Now if something is offensive and/or violates the terms of service, make sure to report it.  That way the moderators can attend to it quickly.  In either case, one shouldn't blame the mods for the statements that other people make.  They have a huge job to do with limited resources.  Give them the benefit of the doubt. 

[Ltl89]

But this statement in itself is an example of a narrow-minded, absolutist opinion.

I'd be willing to bet you haven't talked to too many bigots--certainly not enough to say "there's no justification for those beliefs."

See how easy it is to do the unthinkable?

If someone tells me that they hate all men, I can't see the justification.  One can have many negative personal experiences with members of a group without needing to throw a whole group of people under the bus.  I maintain there is no justification to hate an entire subsection of people based on things beyond their control like gender and race.  I do talk to enough people to understand how they form their views, but that isn't a reason to throw everyone into a category of people to dislike.

If I'm ignorant, forgive me.  However, what would be the justification for disliking an entire group of people for something beyond their control?