how can i stop letting people's opinions effect me?

[iamconfused]

i always put other people's opnions before my own happiness. i know that this isn't the right way to live but i have severe social anxiety, i'm slowly getting better but i still can't stop worrying about what other people think about me. i'm constantly living in fear. whenever i wear baggy clothing, i feel a lot better about myself and a lot of the anxiety/tension goes away, but people make comments about what i wear like "is that a boy or a girl" or they will make fun of what i'm wearing bc of how baggy it is.. but that's what i feel more comfortable in since i hate clothes that cling to my body and i can't bind atm.. anyways whenever people make these comments, they stay in my mind all day and then i start to feel more and more bad about myself. how do i stop feeling this way and how do i stop letting other peoples opinions impact me? i know that it's kind of a dumb question but it's really getting in the way of my life.

[Danielle Emmalee]

I also suffer from social anxiety.  Its in a different way than you but I'm sure we have similar coping mechanisms.  Really there is only a few possible solutions that I can see for myself. 

1.Face your fears, eventually you will get desensitized to worrying about what others think (Basically impossible for me to do)

2.Talk to a therapist, work through your issues and then do option 1 (Also seemingly impossible for me to do as it involves speaking to someone intimately)

3.Talk to a doctor who may prescribe you medication, then do option 1 and/or option 2 (Slightly less difficult, though I'm still working on building up the courage to do even this)

[Tessa James]

It's a great question IAC and something many of us have had to work on for a very long time.
We need people and we live in a community that has mountains of stimulus that we actually filter all the time.  We may not see a thing on our familiar route to work or school as we focus on the day ahead.  You already ignore certain signals out there and this is going to take practice.  What we think about or dwell on is a choice and you are the police on this one.
Some folks write journals, make lists, and blog about fears and triumphs.  Would you benefit from a desensitization technique of listing all the worst things people have said and then tossing it into a ceremonial fire?  Bye bye bullies!  Visualize yourself with bulletproof baggies on strutting yer stuff.
I so appreciate sensitivity and would not want you to lose any of it to gain a deeper understanding of yourself. 
Still I hope that you can have and expand on creating an image and sense of yourself that you own and that gets stronger.
Maybe YOU being happier will actually help more people wear a smile too?
Baggy on Dude!

[suzifrommd]

how do i stop feeling this way and how do i stop letting other peoples opinions impact me?

You need to put a strong value on yourself.

Imagine you're not yourself. Imagine, instead that you're your best friend.

What do you like about your friend (you)? What kind of person is your friend? What are your friend's (your) favorite things? How does your friend like to be treated? What are your friend's hopes and dreams, etc.?

When you find yourself wondering whether someone else has a negative view of you, come to your own defense (in your mind), the way you would to your best friend. "How dare you treat my friend that way!", "If my friend wants to wear baggy clothes, that's none of your business!", etc. You wouldn't allow someone to talk that way about a friend. Apply that same protectiveness to your own image.

Can you tell us how well that works?

[Kara]

I wish I knew the right answer for this one. My experience has been that of one who prepared mentally and socially for the day when everyone would eventually find out I'm a crossdresser. I knew when I was 12 that I wanted to come out one day. I used to wear my mother's clothes and go for day trips to Boston to get used of being seen in drag. I used to tell girls I knew about myself cause I knew they would spread the word for me. "Please don't tell anyone" was the best way to manipulate them into outing me. I just think it feels real awkward to just go tell somebody I am different. It's easier to let everyone else gossip about it and then just admit it when confronted.

When I turned 30, I was ready to just come out and start wearing women's clothes in public all the time, not just on day trips. It's really nice to know that everyone knows now and I don't have to hide it. They don't like me any better, but now it's not a shock and it's expected of me. Now, when I meet people, I don't have to tell them. It's obvious. When I am not in drag for work, I can count on other people to expose me with simple gossip. I keep my nails painted, so that helps too when I'm not all dolled up. My boss makes me wear gloves while I am out delivering stuff though. I guess you can say that what bothers me the most is when someone doesn't know about me. They treat me like a normal guy and I find that distasteful.

[spacerace]

I also replay social situations and worry too much about how others perceived me.. the only thing I've found to help is to say to myself, "What can you do about it now?" Answer: Nothing. The moment passed - if they made fun of you, it happened, move on. Dwelling on it does nothing but waste time and energy

...it doesn't always help but it is better than just trying to force yourself to not care when you know you do. This way, you can care but then drop it because what is the point of wasting effort on it.

[Lo]

Would you benefit from a desensitization technique of listing all the worst things people have said and then tossing it into a ceremonial fire?  Bye bye bullies!  Visualize yourself with bulletproof baggies on strutting yer stuff.

I've heard that execrations work wonders for some folks, OP.

If you want to PM me, I can link you to an acquaintance's guide to this kind of psycho-dramatic work, which they have found has helped them overcome personal obstacles in their life. :]