Gender Dysphoria on the first day of school

[Brandon]

Literally everything makes me dysphoric, I hate that I couldn't just be born biologically male, I hate talking because of my voice I'm to damn short even some of the freshman that came in last year who are know sophmores have grown way taller than me I hate how short I am people don't even think I'm a Jr because of it they think Im like 12 years old I look like a pubescent boy know one wants to look like that, Exspecially considering I'm about to graduate soon, I don't sound like a male I don't have facial hair or a male body its so damn fustrating, Yet you guys keep saying a penis doesnt make you a male, I sound so dumb and stupid saying that,  I get laughed at all the time because of it,  And I also missed out on a boyhood that I'm never gonna get back, Whats the point of living if my own damn mom won't see me as male, Or even family, I can't even be friends with the guys because they look at me like a girl, Everyone looks at me like I'm crazy, I hate school and life period






Edited for profanity and improper language.

[King Malachite]

First off I do want to say congrats for putting yourself out there like that.  Not everyone is able to do that but you had the courage to do so and that's commendable despite being mocked and laughed at.  Whether you know it or not, you're part of the revolution.  Within time, being trans will become more accepted and understood.  Though some people are cruel, some people may have a change of heart about the subject of transition in the future when we become more prevelant and we are seen as human beings and not freaks.  It may take a while but the change is on it's way as we get more media time.

As far as missing out on boyhood and the joys of being a cisgender male, I understand where you're coming from completely as I too feel horrible about it.  It's normal to feel that way, but at the same time, it's one of those things we cannot change, so we shouldn't focus on that too much.  If we spend all of our time focusing on that, we will never move foward.

The best thing for you to do is just do your best in school and have a plan, which according to your previous posts it seems you do.  Your're trying to find a job and you have plans on going to college which is good.  Try to focus on you're studies.  Junior year is typically the hardest year in high school and trust me, every point counts, especially if you want to get into a university.  I failed two of my classes my junior year and I had to pay for it my senior year (being in a basic algebra class with a bunch of 10th graders while taking a technical math class probability and statistics for seniors is not fun-being labeled officially as an 11th grader because of failing one class isn't fun either).  This is the time where you really need to filter everything and everyone out and study so you can eventually go to college and get a good-paying job to aid in your transition.  If you happen to get a job at the same time invest your time in both your studies and working then more power to you.  Use that money to help you move out eventually or even pay for your T or top surgery.

I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help but the best thing to do is hang in there.  Your situation is temporary.

[Brandon]

Im already trying to work to pay for T, And its kinda hard not to focus on the boyhood and the becoming a man you will never have considering Im back in school and have to look at them enjoy themselves everyday

[King Malachite]

its kinda hard not to focus on the boyhood and the becoming a man you will never have considering Im back in school and have to look at them enjoy themselves everyday

I agree 100 percent.  However you cannot let that consume your thinking, especially since you have about 360 days of school left before you graduate.  It's a hard thing to accept, but you must realize that this is your journey and that is theirs.  Somethings things happen and we have to deal with the cards we are given.  Believe it or not, many cisgender children go through this with birth defects or illnessess.  I'm sure  some little children with type 1 diabetes is wondering why does he/she have to get their fingers pricked daily while most of the other kids don't have to.  I'm sure some teenages who were born disabled and cannot walk are depressed and wonder why did it have to be THEM to be in a wheelchair while many of their other peers are walking and running.  I really do understand where you're coming from, but the best thing to do is to work on what we can achieve.

[Brandon]

Well its not easy at all is gender dysphoria tha I have to experience gender everyday, Everytime I walk by a gu who's way taller than me I get dysphoric, Nothing is really helping it happens every school year

[Crookedjaw]

i'm in the same situation as you dude, and i know it really does suck. it's tough being short and scrawny especially in high school. the most we can do for now is just wait for hormones and try to make the best of a bad situation. it sounds impossible i know, but what i find helps is just surrounding myself with a good group of people. i live in a very tolerant place and it might be different for you, but my friends are all very accepting of my medical condition and never dwell on it. i go to a lot of after school clubs too, being in friendly environments manages to distract me from all the dysphoria. just know that this is the hardest part of transition. props to you for making it this far man.

[Brandon]

Im not scrawny I work out Im just short, I have to wait 2 more years and go through another puberty which is embarrasing, No one understands me, I talk to alot people but I don't consider them friends Im just starting to give up all over again, No use, Yea Ill be able to transition sure but imma still get looked at funny

[Crookedjaw]

if you're not scrawny then that works out even better haha. and judging by your profile picture, once you start t you probably won't get looked at funny, in fact if i saw you in person now no matter what your height, i wouldn't think of you as anything but male. we're or own worst critics of ourselves, remember that. and the worst thing you could do is isolate yourself from everyone, because that just leaves you all alone with your dysphoria, it isn't a fun time.

[Brandon]

Well yea I have no problem with passing, But i still will have to explain my situation to girls who might like me, I hate rejection, This is why I hav gave up on trying to get girls because I can never get one, But back to the topic, Yea if you seen m you wouldn't know but everyone at my school knows Im trans or just thinks im a lesbian, I wanna hang with guys and be friends with guys, But they see me as a girl they don't consider me a guy, The only reason I talk to alot of people is because I dress nice and people say I have swag, And because I like girls, But girls just look at me as gross even bisexual girls, I don't have what they want I guess yea sure Im a nice guy a gentlemen.

[AdamMLP]

Probably not what you want to hear, but you're young.  People really do mature as they get older, even just from year to year, or even in months.  How people my age would react is completely different to how people in their twenties react, things are going to change for you as you get older.  The reason that everyone here says that you don't need a penis to be a man is because it's true, but at your age it's still one of the big things that guys use to get one up on each other.  How often do you hear older men talk about their penis size?  It stops becoming the big deal that everyone makes it out to be in school.  I'm short, I'm 5'1", I look fourteen at best, but I found out this weekend that I can pass as eighteen (older than I actually am) without too much questioning.  More mature people just accept it.  Hang around a different crowd, because it's immaturity that's getting you down.

And you don't need a girlfriend to be happy.  Having a girlfriend for the sake of having one isn't going to make anyone feel good.  Maybe that's just me, but I can't see the point in that.

[Brandon]

Probably not what you want to hear, but you're young.  People really do mature as they get older, even just from year to year, or even in months.  How people my age would react is completely different to how people in their twenties react, things are going to change for you as you get older.  The reason that everyone here says that you don't need a penis to be a man is because it's true, but at your age it's still one of the big things that guys use to get one up on each other.  How often do you hear older men talk about their penis size?  It stops becoming the big deal that everyone makes it out to be in school.  I'm short, I'm 5'1", I look fourteen at best, but I found out this weekend that I can pass as eighteen (older than I actually am) without too much questioning.  More mature people just accept it.  Hang around a different crowd, because it's immaturity that's getting you down.

And you don't need a girlfriend to be happy.  Having a girlfriend for the sake of having one isn't going to make anyone feel good.  Maybe that's just me, but I can't see the point in that.

Well I want a gf know one wants to be alone, And Ive nver heard a cisgendered person say you dont need a penis to be aman

[DriftingCrow]

Well I want a gf know one wants to be alone, And Ive nver heard a cisgendered person say you dont need a penis to be aman

Well, most cisgender people don't know the difference between "sex" and "gender".

[Crookedjaw]

Well yea I have no problem with passing, But i still will have to explain my situation to girls who might like me, I hate rejection, This is why I hav gave up on trying to get girls because I can never get one, But back to the topic, Yea if you seen m you wouldn't know but everyone at my school knows Im trans or just thinks im a lesbian, I wanna hang with guys and be friends with guys, But they see me as a girl they don't consider me a guy, The only reason I talk to alot of people is because I dress nice and people say I have swag, And because I like girls, But girls just look at me as gross even bisexual girls, I don't have what they want I guess yea sure Im a nice guy a gentlemen.

you're just not looking at the right girls man, they pop up in unexpected places. does your school have a gay-straight alliance? even though the name says gay it's for all members of the lgbt community,  and you might meet some girls you never really paid much attention to before. and i feel you on being friends with guys thing, i don't have many guy friends either and the ones i am friends with aren't typically masculine or into sports like i am so it's kind of a challenge haha

[Brandon]

you're just not looking at the right girls man, they pop up in unexpected places. does your school have a gay-straight alliance? even though the name says gay it's for all members of the lgbt community,  and you might meet some girls you never really paid much attention to before. and i feel you on being friends with guys thing, i don't have many guy friends either and the ones i am friends with aren't typically masculine or into sports like i am so it's kind of a challenge haha

I don't like having to date a certain girl just because of my trans status, Besides I always fall for straight girls, That makes me more dysphoric when people tell me that I have to date her because she won't date you, And besides it could be the right girl who might not understand

[Crookedjaw]

I don't like having to date a certain girl just because of my trans status, Besides I always fall for straight girls, That makes me more dysphoric when people tell me that I have to date her because she won't date you, And besides it could be the right girl who might not understand

if she doesn't understand, she isn't the right girl. my girlfriend isn't straight but is primarily attracted to guys, and she doesn't see me as anything but a man. i've dated straight girls before who felt the same as my girlfriend does now. and then there are girls who won't date us because of our equipment, yeah it sucks but personally if a girl is gonna be that way, i don't think i'd be comfortable being with her. we have to compromise and it sucks but there's nothing else we can do. we have the right to be selective in who we date obviously, but since we're trans we can't really be picky.

[Brandon]

if she doesn't understand, she isn't the right girl. my girlfriend isn't straight but is primarily attracted to guys, and she doesn't see me as anything but a man. i've dated straight girls before who felt the same as my girlfriend does now. and then there are girls who won't date us because of our equipment, yeah it sucks but personally if a girl is gonna be that way, i don't think i'd be comfortable being with her. we have to compromise and it sucks but there's nothing else we can do. we have the right to be selective in who we date obviously, but since we're trans we can't really be picky.

Well I always fall for straight girls, And I can understand why a some girls would not date me I feel stupid Im calling myself a man yet I have a female body I guess it is kinda weird, And I can be picky if I want a straight girl than fine because some bisexuals don't understand me, I feel dumb as hell calling myself a man

[Brandon]

if she doesn't understand, she isn't the right girl. my girlfriend isn't straight but is primarily attracted to guys, and she doesn't see me as anything but a man. i've dated straight girls before who felt the same as my girlfriend does now. and then there are girls who won't date us because of our equipment, yeah it sucks but personally if a girl is gonna be that way, i don't think i'd be comfortable being with her. we have to compromise and it sucks but there's nothing else we can do. we have the right to be selective in who we date obviously, but since we're trans we can't really be picky.

Well I always fall for straight girls, And I can understand why a some girls would not date me I feel stupid Im calling myself a man yet I have a female body I guess it is kinda weird, And I can be picky if I want a straight girl than fine because some bisexuals don't understand me, I feel dumb as hell calling myself a man

[PrincessDayna]

Literally everything makes me dysphoric, I hate that I couldn't just be born biologically male, I hate talking because of my voice I'm to damn short even some of the freshman that came in last year who are know sophmores have grown way taller than me I hate how short I am people don't even think I'm a Jr because of it they think Im like 12 years old I look like a pubescent boy know one wants to look like that, Exspecially considering I'm about to graduate soon, I don't sound like a male I don't have facial hair or a male body its so damn fustrating, Yet you guys keep saying a penis doesnt make you a male, I sound so dumb and stupid saying that,  I get laughed at all the time because of it,  And I also missed out on a boyhood that I'm never gonna get back, Whats the point of living if my own damn mom won't see me as male, Or even family, I can't even be friends with the guys because they look at me like a girl, Everyone looks at me like I'm crazy, I hate school and life period






Edited for profanity and improper language.

Now I am not ftm I'm mtf, just decided out of sheer curiosity to come browse how the other genders life is for some reason. Then, I stumbled on this post. You sound like me, when I was 14,15,16,17, in high school. I just have "the other side" of that coin.  I tried living female, and I did! But, it wasn't easy, at the time.  That was back in 99,00,01,and 02. It doesn't sound so far back, but hey it sort is in terms of how things were. I was constantly mocked, called all sorts of non trans related slander, jumped, even chased down once by dummies in a pick up and had rocks thrown at me walking home.  And I did not one lick look female, home life was tough, etc etc, seriously, my dad would beat me, my now significant other was my girlfriend in middle school, and in high school a close friend who I sought refuge in from the world.  It wasn't an easy time, and you know what I wish to god I had then? That I never for a second did have, but can Atleast offer and be? That voice from transition land that's saying...."keep on keeping on, things are tough and no matter how hard the depression is, it will get better." I wish I could say or offer more advice, it's a tough time in life but hang in there, even the hell I went through I wouldn't trade it for the world, because it helped me get a charector and level of being able to tell how somone is without much interaction with them. Or maybe that's just intuition? Lol, idk, but seriously lil guy, hang in there! Much love from the other side of the coin. don't give up!

-hugs

[randomroads]

My advice - I'd stop worrying about what other people are doing and focus on your studies. Being well educated, well spoken and having a successful life isn't something ALL of your peers will experience.

[Brandon]

My advice - I'd stop worrying about what other people are doing and focus on your studies. Being well educated, well spoken and having a successful life isn't something ALL of your peers will experience.

No offence but that didn't help