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Telling my Doctor I'm Trans or Not -Update-

Started by Ryan B., September 04, 2013, 01:31:05 PM

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Ryan B.

Update 9/26: I went to my second and last consultation.  My therapist wrote a generic letter for me.  It didn't mention that I was trans, but basically said that I wanted to go as small as possible for my peace of mind and that I'd be willing to sign a waiver.  I gave the letter to the Doctor today and he said he would make them as small as possible.  :D My surgery is scheduled for the 30th of next month!

Does anyone know of a Dr. Thomas L. Jackson.  I'm going to go off a limb here and say I doubt it.  He's an Indiana plastic surgeon (last I saw not a lot of people seem like they're from Indiana on here). 

I will be getting a reduction from him at some point this year. 

Anyways, long story short, I didn't tell him that I'm trans and he's thinking of bringing me down to a C cup or D cup, maybe a B cup.  I would prefer an A cup... anyways I've been trying to find out if he's LGBT friendly at all and haven't found anything. 

My therapist said that she would write a letter for me to him, but honestly I'm a little worried about it getting out to my insurance.  I don't think they would be willing to pay for this surgery, even though I technically qualify for it, if they found out I'm trans.  I'm not really sure what I should do.
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aleon515

Well couldn't you just say that you prefer a very small cup size. Wouldn't a plastic surgeon have heard everything about body preferences? Or you could take some time and find a trans friendly surgeon. I know a guy who is doing someone's top surgery and they are getting it paid for. I think he is a DD and he has had back trouble.


--Jay
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Ryan B.

I did tell him I wanted an A cup and he said he would consider bringing me down to a B.  He said he wants them to be proportional to my body.  The thing about finding another doctor is they have to be covered under my insurance.  The doctor I'm seeing now I will still have to fork out 15% of the surgery costs.  Some of the other doctors I looked at I would have had to pay 30% of the costs.

I think a B cup might be okay.  I really just want to get this done so I can start hormones. :(
I just don't want to get stuck with anything bigger than that... and... I don't know. 

If I can get down to an A cup though, I would be ecstatic.  I'm just worried that bringing up that I'm trans will blow my chances at a reduction at all.  I'm not sure if I should allow my therapist to write a letter or not.
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Simon

I don't think you would have to tell him that you're trans to negotiate a size with him. Tell him that your breasts are a nuisance to you, you don't feel a connection to them, and would like them as small as he can make them or something to that effect. I would probably say that being a plastic surgeon he encounters female bodied individuals who want larger breasts so seeing someone who wants very small ones may be either a shock to him or out of his expertise.

Point is I personally would not trust my body to a surgeon who wants me to be their ideal. It's your body and should be your choice. Yes, he is the surgeon but you are the customer. You are hiring him, not the other way around.
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Ryan B.

I will try talking to him again.  Once I know for sure my insurance will cover it I will have another chance to see him before the surgery.
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Ryan B.

To update a little, I've been approved for the surgery and it's now scheduled for the 30th of October.  I will have another chance to see the doctor though later in September.

I told my therapist and voiced my concerns and she sent me this in an email:

QuoteIf you have qualified for the surgery, you've qualified, whether you are TG or not.  If he is not comfortable doing the surgery, I suppose you could shop around, now that you've been approved?  I'm guessing he would welcome my letter and see it as a way to cover himself if you were to come back at some future date and say, "why did you reduce my breasts so much," which is probably his biggest concern.

Just curious as to what your guys' thoughts are.  I think she may be right, at least somewhat, but I'm really not sure what my best course of action would be.  I know you guys said I should just negotiate a size with the doctor but what if I can't?  Last time when I mentioned wanting them to be small he said he wanted them to be proportional with my body. 

I don't know, maybe I just worry too much.
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aleon515

I don't know why the doctor feels he has to say what your size should be. Heck people have plastic surgery all the time. Can you find a different surgeon. I'd think this sort of surgery is a dime a dozen frankly. Might be worth getting a second or even third opinion on this one. B would be easier to bind but A you might not have to bind at all, wear a compression shirt and that's it. Makes a big difference.

--Jay
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Ryan B.

I'm going to do some research on the different plastic surgeons in my state.  That way, if I do go that route and give him the letter and it makes no difference then I will have someone else to fall back on.
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Lajs

If this were me I would never even consider compromising. This is your body and he has no right to try and negotiate with you what he thinks should be done with it. Just tell him "No, I know what I want. I do not want B cups, I want A cups. I don't care if it's 'not proportional' because that's not why I'm doing this." I hope you can make him see that it's not his call, if not then find a different surgeon. The smaller you can get them, the better, in my opinion, whether that means paying more or not.
"Die Welt ist tief; Und tiefer als der Tag gedacht."
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randomroads

I just sent him an email straight up asking if he'd do a breast reduction on a trans man. I mentioned that I've been under HRT with a doctor for the past 4-5 months. I'll post here if his office ever replies. If he will, then I don't see any reason why you shouldn't tell him you're trans instead of arguing about what you want for your own body.
I believe in invisible pink unicorns

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Jack_M

In the interest of being fair, I think we're all jumping on the surgeon here.  You have to remember that the surgeon has not been made aware that the individual is trans. 

To compare it, this is like a woman and a man walking into a salon and both asking for a short hair cut.  With the man, there's no big deal made of it, it's just clip away to whatever style he wants, no worries.  He's not going to freak about having short hair, he's a man!  The woman however, she's going to be questioned to make sure.  And then the hair dresser is going to cut it back a bit, and if they're a decent hair dresser, they'll probably not make it as short as they've been given allowance for.  They'll cut it a bit longer than requested and ask again and only go shorter if the woman says to go shorter.  She's a woman, and she could very well freak if she ends up with too short hair, or it looks too manly.

This is exactly the situation the surgeon is in right now!  Someone might say "I want really small!" and this is purely because they've had to deal with far too big for too long that they get overexcited about losing that and figure they want them really small.  It's like a short person being offered some kinda surgery to make them taller.  5'8" would be more than enough, but they're going to want taller because they're so used to being short.  But if they were to be too tall, everything else would be out of proportion and look wrong.  The surgeon will know that a size B is actually pretty standard and fairly small.  He won't want to go smaller because, well, a woman could well freak out if she comes too and there's hardly anything left!  He's viewing you like that woman wanting the short haircut, or the short guy wanting to be disproportionately taller.

It really is pretty much the same except worse, hair grows back - boobs don't!  So the surgeon is probably not wanting to go too small or trying to talk you out of it purely for what he sees as your benefit right now, because he just sees you as another female client.  I would actually strongly suggest you tell him.  If he's not accepting, you find another surgeon.  If you tell him, then he's not going to worry about you freaking out about them being too small, and he may even go further than an A and you'll be one of the lucky folks to get the whole thing there and then! :)
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Ryan B.

That makes a lot of sense to me and I don't really blame him for wanting to be cautious.

I want to tell him that I'm trans, or rather, I want to give him a letter from my therapist.  I just really worry that it's the wrong thing to do.  That I'll ruin my chances completely.  I posted about this on ->-bleeped-<- as well.  Someone on there commented:

QuoteIf your insurance does not cover trans* related surgeries, I would strongly recommend not giving the surgeon anything in writing that outs you. It's not a bad idea to send him a formal notice that you want the smallest breasts he's willing to give you and that you'd like to sign a waiver saying you will not sue for them being too small, but anything saying you're trans* can lead to accusations of insurance fraud for either or both of you.

That scares me.  Maybe I should just do what he suggested and write out that formal notice and see about signing a waiver.  ???
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Jack_M

That could be worth trying.  To be honest with you I'm a Scot in Canada so insurance issues are alien to me, but I have heard of others using this loophole to get their flat chests.  It might not be as great looking as the actual top surgery surgeons but for people who aren't going to wonder around topless it can be more than enough.  Maybe someone else here has done this and can take over, let's see!

You could go ahead and try that note anyway.  One thing that might work in your favour is mentioning being keen on sports/running.  If you maybe highlight that you're very sporty, or at least want to be sporty then smaller is definitely preferable for that type of individual.  Even if you're perhaps not doing sports or particularly fit, the desire is there and you can blame having the size you have as being the deterrent.  Saying things like you don't want too much bouncing and you're more focused on sports than worrying about regular every-day look.  It could help sell it, maybe, if you want to try the waiver route.  Ultimately it should be your choice but I'm just thinking back to the hair dresser who doesn't cut as far back as initially given allowances for.  Having some firm reason and explaining it in that way may push them that little bit further to give you what you actually want rather than potentially holding back a little.
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aleon515

Well sorry but I think the surgeon doesn't really get a say. He might say what he thinks would look more proportional and that's that. I think that's fair for him to say what he thinks. But I don't care if the doctor knows he's trans. There are some women who don't really like them that well either and would rather have A cup chesticles. I don't think he has to explain anything, but yeah I am a bit wary of putting it in print that he is trans. The usual coverage for reduction is for back pain. But no reason he can't take into account individual preferences. (Women get buzz cuts all the time.) Good idea re: running and sports.

I think you might look around for someone who is trans friendly. Perhaps does surgery for the trans women. It's a simple surgery, so it wouldn't require the skills for top surgery say.

If you are near Albuquerque I know a doctor who is trans friendly and has taken insurance. It's a reduction but... he will just, er, reduce all the way. There is nothing at all illegal about this, imo. He is just reducing to an individual's preference.


--Jay
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Ryan B.

#14
I've just had an epiphany.  I'm no where near Albuquerque, but a state over is Ohio and that's where doctor Medalie resides.  He's trans friendly, known to do the top surgeries for trans men.  I just checked and he's covered by my insurance.  If I can't talk my current surgeon down to my preference then I can see about looking into going to him instead.  Only thing about that is I don't know when I would be able to schedule the surgery in with him.  I might have to wait longer... but it might be worth it.

Edit: I really should refrain from posting when I've been drinking... Unified Group ≠ United Healthcare... Still, I think he may be covered under mine. Will have to double check.
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randomroads

That's a good option, Ryan. Either way, something will work out. I can feel it!
I believe in invisible pink unicorns

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Jack_M

Quote from: Ryan B. on September 07, 2013, 12:02:58 AM
I've just had an epiphany.  I'm no where near Albuquerque, but a state over is Ohio and that's where doctor Medalie resides.  He's trans friendly, known to do the top surgeries for trans men.  I just checked and he's covered by my insurance.  If I can't talk my current surgeon down to my preference then I can see about looking into going to him instead.  Only thing about that is I don't know when I would be able to schedule the surgery in with him.  I might have to wait longer... but it might be worth it.

Edit: I really should refrain from posting when I've been drinking... Unified Group ≠ United Healthcare... Still, I think he may be covered under mine. Will have to double check.

If I were you, I'd just go with the Ohio doc!  If they've actually done them and gone the whole way, you might be better off going with someone who will go the whole way and not hold back or be unsure of the process.  Even if it did take a little longer with scheduling, I know that I'd rather have flat than A.
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Ryan B.

Quote from: randomroads on September 07, 2013, 04:57:01 PM
That's a good option, Ryan. Either way, something will work out. I can feel it!

I think so too.  I think I might be able to get it to work out with my current surgeon now, after talking to my therapist about all of this.

Quote from: Jack_M on September 07, 2013, 08:05:17 PM
If I were you, I'd just go with the Ohio doc!  If they've actually done them and gone the whole way, you might be better off going with someone who will go the whole way and not hold back or be unsure of the process.  Even if it did take a little longer with scheduling, I know that I'd rather have flat than A.

I'm pretty sure he's covered by my insurance because before I went with my current surgeon I originally thought about going to go with him.  I emailed him outright and asked if he could make me flat or give me a mastectomy and just code it as a reduction.  He told me no because that would be malpractice... but that doesn't mean he's not trans friendly.  Just covering his own butt. 

Anyways, I ended up going with my current surgeon because he did work on my sister in the past and did a good job.  Also, driving out of state is kind of a pain.  But if it doesn't work out with my current doctor I will probably switch to Medalie.
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aleon515

Quote from: Ryan B. on September 07, 2013, 12:02:58 AM
I've just had an epiphany.  I'm no where near Albuquerque, but a state over is Ohio and that's where doctor Medalie resides.  He's trans friendly, known to do the top surgeries for trans men.  I just checked and he's covered by my insurance.  If I can't talk my current surgeon down to my preference then I can see about looking into going to him instead.  Only thing about that is I don't know when I would be able to schedule the surgery in with him.  I might have to wait longer... but it might be worth it.

Edit: I really should refrain from posting when I've been drinking... Unified Group ≠ United Healthcare... Still, I think he may be covered under mine. Will have to double check.


Sounds like an awesome idea. Medalie is top notched. I think it would be worth seeing him, if possible. Even if you had to pay out of network, not sure how muhc more it would be. Most surgeons will like to take a lot of different insurances and United Healthcare is a huge company.

--Jay
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Jack_M

Again, not sure of how it works with insurance, is there a way for them to do the reduction and then you pay out of pocket for the extra step?  Like the reduction covers the anaesthesia and operating room and your part covers the extra time?
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