On off depression and problems sleeping

[Phoenix_2812]

I've been having a couple of problems recently, or for the last month or so. First off, I keep feeling depressive when in male mode. I'm not sure what's happening up north, but whatever is happening, it's causing odd bouts of depression to come and go. I've been out of work for the last 8 and a half years, due to no one giving me the time of day and there came a time earlier in the year when I just accepted that there wasn't a thing I could do to change that situation. So, I actively stopped "caring" about whether I got interviews or get offered jobs. Neither seem to happen in any kind of frequency at present, anyway. So why bother worrying about it, right? Anyway, I get depressed every now and again and don't feel like doing much of anything. But then, when my mind switches to feminine mode, everything seems to become clearer. I no longer worry about anything. Is that happening because I've never lived full time as a women, so my feminine side doesn't recognise the signs? Or is there some other reason why it keeps happening? I know one thing for certain, my feminine side is some what stronger emotionally than my masculine side. It also knows more about compassion and actually cares about life and other people more. I've pretty much always been aware of my feminine side and the feelings associated with it. I just don't know how to cross the starting line to fully accepting that that side of me is stronger than my masculine side and that it must be allowed to fully assert itself. It bothers me to no end. I know, I need to speak to a therapist or my doctor, it's just that I don't think they'll agree with my "diognosis".

So that's one half of my problems at present. The other half is that I think I'm suffering from some form of insomnia and that is really starting to annoy me. I go to bed most nights and feel really uncormfortable just laying there, trying to sleep. I often get tired during the day, but that I'm fairly certain is due to not being able to sleep at night. When I feel tired during the day, I go for a short nap, generally 15-20 minutes or so and then I feel fine again. My doctor would probably suggest sleeping aids/pills, but I think it is somehow linked to my other problem, so I'd rather do something to resolve that in some way or another.

Before I started making this post, I was trying to sleep, but of course, it wouldn't happen; I'm too awake. I got so fed up, I actually felt like screaming, because I couldn't think of anything else to do. So, here I am, making a post to see what other people think. What do I do?!

Chris

[Jamie D]

Chris, here is what I suggest.  Get out and volunteer.  Like at a museum or zoo, or a senior center, or at a hospital.  Do something with your time that expends energy and keeps your mind and body active.

It will help your depression as well as your sleeping habit.

[Phoenix_2812]

Chris, here is what I suggest.  Get out and volunteer.  Like at a museum or zoo, or a senior center, or at a hospital.  Do something with your time that expends energy and keeps your mind and body active.

It will help your depression as well as your sleeping habit.

I have seriously considered volunteering work, the only problem at present is the government. They seem determined to force people to look for paid work. There was something I read on another forum recently that said that the government want people to work more hours or risk loosing their benefits, of which I'm claiming. So, basically, if you earn around £300 or less a month, the government are saying that you have to get another job. I'd actually prefer volunteer work at present, but the government seem hell bent on stopping people who claim benefits from doing it. Then there's the matter of them spending something along the lines of 5 billion pounds on a programme that has clearly failed. The UK government are of the opinion that people who claim benefits do so out of choice. It's disgusting. It will all end one of these days for them and the end won't be pretty to watch. I for one won't shed a tear when the day comes, but then again, I won't be cheering either. Seeking pleasure from someone else's downfall is wrong and I don't subscribe to it.

I'm at the point at the moment where I don't know what to do. There's little or no help from the governemnt and that is fraustrating beyond belief.

Chris

[victoria n]

 AS they say an idle mind is the devil's workshop.   
you have to sort out both sides. M and F. and deal with it.
If you see a therapist see one who doesn't promote transitioning as a cure to all that ails you. holistic approach is what I say.