I dropped out of Susan's while I was developing my new life. Here's my experience. (Yours, of course, will be different.)
Physically: I started transition 4½ years ago, at the age of 65. After 4½ years of electrolysis – about 200 hours – I am almost done. Perhaps more than anything else, this has helped feminize my looks.
After more than 4 years of hormones, my breasts are a small B – a bit larger than my sister's. They don't seem to be growing anymore.
More than 3 years after surgery, I dilate 2-3 times a week. It's easier than when I began but is still sometimes difficult – more difficult if I go longer than 4 days. I've lost almost an inch of depth but what remains is adequate, and I don't intend to ever have penetrative sex.
Afraid of having male muscles, I stopped exercising except for walking a lot. I let myself gain weight, hoping that it would give me a softer, more feminine shape. It didn't work. My fat storage changed to female, but it didn't make my hips or butt bigger and didn't fluff out my breasts. Plus, I became unsteady and would tire easily. Age was wacking me. I started a fitness program with a personal trainer. I am stronger, steadier, have more stamina, and feel a lot better about myself. I did not bulk up. My waist is gradually narrowing, which helps give me a more female shape. I'll never have an hourglass figure, but not that many women do.
Socially: I tried being "that transsexual" and tried woodworking, but neither worked for me. I moved away from where I transitioned and have many new friends. I've told all of them I'm trans. Some were surprised and some weren't. I've told the professionals I think need to know, like my doctor and personal trainer, but not others, like my dentist and optometrist. Mostly, though, I don't mention it. Some people figure out that I am trans and some people don't have a clue, but for the vast majority of people I meet I have no idea whether or not they suspect. Everyone treats me the same regardless, so I'm learning to not worry about it.
I'm not involved much in the 'trans community'. I am in the LGBT group at my church but am not involved in trans support groups in town. I have a few trans friends, but we're not close. I've settled into some state where I'm open, but being trans is just a small part of who I am. I hope that I am contributing to the movement by being open while living the life of a woman who is established in the community, but I don't know how much effect I am having.
Emotionally: The work continues. Having struggled to live as a man for 65 years, I have some culturally-male habits of thinking. I missed a lot of the experiences a cis-woman has through her years. I am a different person than I would be if I had been born with a female body. But all that makes me who I am now. Denying my past doesn't help me.
Even in my darkest days, I am far happier living as a woman than when I tried to live as a man. I can live freely now. Sometimes I feel that I am both man and woman, but as I get to know more women without the barrier created by my masquerade as a man, I am learning of the complexity and diversity of experience of women. The definition of woman is broad enough to include me. I am growing to accept who and what I am. As Anne Lamott said, "Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past." I'm learning to forgive myself. The journey continues.
