Hehe - take the 911 and sell it for SRS 😉 - No really I have given that whole issue with parents a bit of thought and have to wonder - why do we and often the parents feel bad about transitioning when it comes to that relationship. After all, both would not want to have a barrier between them like it is if a TS has to pretend to be someone she is not. Who do the parents love - their child as it is or the surface that this child expressed to them? Why do the parents feel hurt or "not be able to live with themselves" because of what their children are? I think a lot of that is an issue of the parents and transitioning forces them to think about their own transphobia. THEY think that being trans is something shameful, against god will or something like that. Hence they do not want you to be like that because it throws a shadow of shame on their family in theor own eyes. Or maybe they think that they will get a hard time with their friends for that, which they do not want to deal with - again that is because they have transphobic friends who in addition to that somehow blame the parents for the child. I think this is in most cases a major reason anyways - parents think they are "guilty" for doeing "something wrong" to have produced a child that is TS. This is one of the things that have to be resolved - to make it abundantly clear that it is not their fault at all, that it is a randomly occuring natural condition.
I sure hope you can resolve that with your mum and find ways to tell her that she is not to blame and that she does not have to suffer from anything but maybe her own ghosts that irrationally regard having a transperson in the family as something shameful. And as I said before elsewhere - in the end, parents like other lofing people usually (even if they do not want to admit this to themselves at first) want to love their children closely and be honest and open with them. As long as there is a barrier between parents and child consisting of fear, anxiety and depression caused by GID as well as a "fake persona" sitting on top of the real person, there cannot be true open love between them as both sides want it to be. My mom hated me for coming out. I had to move out of the house. She felt guilty as she thought that it was her fault, that she should not have allowed me to be a certain way when I was small, that it was her fault because of her divorce, that maybe she should have noticed that I was having some issues and told my childhood shrink to get rid of that. Something like that. I told her that this was not so. She then also was worried that I would suffer, that people would make fun of me and I would get depressed and kill myself or somthing like that - or that I would have regrets later and then suffer. That was harder to solve as only time could prove her wrong. Once she saw after 2-3 years that I was happier, more open, more alive and more real, she now has a much better relationship to me than she had before - because now she has a relationship with the actual ME and not a "me" that I was holding up in an effort to make everything appear as if there was no issue.
