Dating men, MTF pre op

[Lauren5]

Well, theoretically gay guys should not be into us and if they are - it is a kind of insult, because it shows that they dont see us as women. Hardcore gays are pretty much disgusted by anything remotely feminine... at least, theoretically . I know just a couple of gay guys and only one of them knows about me and I am 100% sure he is not interested. Neither am I .

All you need is a guy who will treat you with lone and respect, no matter of who you are inside matches the outside

[Ltl89]

Well, theoretically gay guys should not be into us and if they are - it is a kind of insult, because it shows that they dont see us as women. Hardcore gays are pretty much disgusted by anything remotely feminine... at least, theoretically . I know just a couple of gay guys and only one of them knows about me and I am 100% sure he is not interested. Neither am I - at least in terms of sex .

It is just currently the stage in my life when E starts taking over my entire body and I desperately need someone to care about - I dont need sex - romance, flirting and cuddles would be enough for me.

Well, I think of all the transgirls that are married to straight women who come around.  Maybe it's possible for the reverse to work?  Obviously it's different, but who knows.  I'm thinking more of a pansexual or bi guy.  I just really want to start dating and not keep waiting for the right time.  Like you, romance and cuddling is something that I desperately want.  I would melt inside if a guy held my hand.

[Constance]

Between the ages of 18 and 41, I was in a committed relationship. I'd married my high school sweetheart and we raised two kids together. My transition ended our marriage (but not our friendship).

I'd long considered myself bisexual, though I prefer the term pansexual now. I never strayed during our marriage, and being single has allowed me to do a little experimenting as I was curious if I really could be interested in men.

To quote George Takei, "Oh, myyy."

I haven't been on any dates yet per se, but I've been on a hook-up and have been to Power Exchange in SF a few times. Anonymous ->-bleeped-<-s and handjobs, and I most thoroughly enjoyed myself. The last time I was PE, there was a guy who kept calling me girl, even as he blew me a little bit. So, that was interesting. He seemed to be treating me like the woman I am, but at the same time was aware of my junk. That we were both willing to use it was a bit of a surprise to me.

So, this has satisfied a curiosity: I can indeed be physically intimate with men. Simply finding some men attractive is not the same as being comfortable with being physically intimate with them. Knowing this about myself means that I would like a chance to date men. It's something I can indeed do, it seems.

[FrancisAnn]

TSDating.com has produced a lot of frogs so far, uggg!

OK Cupid profile is complete along with a picture. Thanks for advise girl friends.

[pebbles]

I don't think someone needs to tell someone their born gender when they first meet.....but I feel at times I should! This has caused me even more struggles contradicting myself. I just want someone to get to know me, I want to give them the chance to know who I am and not what I am. I would never do anything more than a hug or hand holding before telling them though!!

Exactly I agree with that, You'll guilt yourself but I console myself with the fact that I'm more than just my body and I'm more than just the war that defined my gender identity I've got all these other interests and quirks and flaws that make me a human, is it wrong that I want someone to see those and relate to me before they see that weird part of myself that they can't relate to?

[Tatyana]

I've held off from dating men again until I hopefully complete my SRS however I know it will be a while before this actually happens. So I've decided to start dating again.

I just wonder how many other MTF girl friends that are pre op date men or are in a relationship?

I really enjoyed dating men earlier in life however it has been 2-3 years since allowing myself this pleasure. I'm excited with my decision however I'm a little nervous to hopefully find the right type man & not problems.

Any advise or thoughts?

Wow dating.  That's something I've never been able to do.  I get offers but being sort of in between genders it just wouldn't work. 

[suzifrommd]

Wow dating.  That's something I've never been able to do.  I get offers but being sort of in between genders it just wouldn't work.

It's fine not to want to date.

But do you really need to write it off assuming it would never work? Humans have an amazing capacity for love, and I'm sure there are many people who would be sexually attracted to you if wanted. There are a lot of pansexual people looking for dates who don't care what type of body. And there are a lot of people of all orientations who want someone they can love for the person they are not for how their body is put together.

I'm not suggesting you date if you're uncomfortable with it, just encouraging you not to write the possibility off completely.

[Shakti]

TSDating.com has produced a lot of frogs so far, uggg!

I've had much better luck and found way more guys who were into me on Ok Cupid than TSdating.

[Lauren5]

It's fine not to want to date.
But do you really need to write it off assuming it would never work? Humans have an amazing capacity for love, and I'm sure there are many people who would be sexually attracted to you if wanted. There are a lot of pansexual people looking for dates who don't care what type of body. And there are a lot of people of all orientations who want someone they can love for the person they are not for how their body is put together.

And then there are those who are just looking for their true love, and will love you no matter what. Someone who truly loves you should not put your appearance or gender identity first.
You'll find someone who's right for you and truly cares for you, Tatyana. I have faith in you

[Joanna Dark]

I'm in relationship and living with someone so it's working well for me.

[FrancisAnn]

I've had much better luck and found way more guys who were into me on Ok Cupid than TSdating.

Thank you so much. I just finished my profile with OK Cupid. These men are much better screened/safer.

[Just Shelly]

Between the ages of 18 and 41, I was in a committed relationship. I'd married my high school sweetheart and we raised two kids together. My transition ended our marriage (but not our friendship).

I'd long considered myself bisexual, though I prefer the term pansexual now. I never strayed during our marriage, and being single has allowed me to do a little experimenting as I was curious if I really could be interested in men.

To quote George Takei, "Oh, myyy."

I haven't been on any dates yet per se, but I've been on a hook-up and have been to Power Exchange in SF a few times. Anonymous ->-bleeped-<-s and handjobs, and I most thoroughly enjoyed myself. The last time I was PE, there was a guy who kept calling me girl, even as he blew me a little bit. So, that was interesting. He seemed to be treating me like the woman I am, but at the same time was aware of my junk. That we were both willing to use it was a bit of a surprise to me.

So, this has satisfied a curiosity: I can indeed be physically intimate with men. Simply finding some men attractive is not the same as being comfortable with being physically intimate with them. Knowing this about myself means that I would like a chance to date men. It's something I can indeed do, it seems.

WOW!!!

You definitely feel comfortable with your penis.......can't say as I do

[Tatyana]

It's fine not to want to date.

But do you really need to write it off assuming it would never work? Humans have an amazing capacity for love, and I'm sure there are many people who would be sexually attracted to you if wanted. There are a lot of pansexual people looking for dates who don't care what type of body. And there are a lot of people of all orientations who want someone they can love for the person they are not for how their body is put together.

I'm not suggesting you date if you're uncomfortable with it, just encouraging you not to write the possibility off completely.

Sorry my reply was a little vague.  What I meant was that I can't have a sexual relationship with a penis.  I need a vagina for that.  So I avoid advances from guys.  And I'm not really interested in guys anyway.

[Constance]

WOW!!!

You definitely feel comfortable with your penis.......can't say as I do

Yeah, it was a bit of a shock to learn that about myself. I'm not sure what to make of it.

[Sammy]

I'm not sure what to make of it.

The SRS surgeon will know! 

[Constance]

The SRS surgeon will know! 

In my best George Takei voice, "Oh, myyy."

[vlmitchell]

I've dated a few. Every experience is different. Pop that OKC profile up, be honest, maybe you'll find someone who you like.

If you're in college and are still worrying about HS people though, you'll probably just want to get out into the social scene at school and see what happens there. College is awesome for dating.

[Lauren5]

I've dated a few. Every experience is different. Pop that OKC profile up, be honest, maybe you'll find someone who you like.

If you're in college and are still worrying about HS people though, you'll probably just want to get out into the social scene at school and see what happens there. College is awesome for dating.

Easier said than done for the pre-everythings like me, put pre-ops should be fine unless they come across a bigot who tries to kill you just because you're trans.
I'll get to it when I'm ready

[Constance]

College is awesome for dating.

For the students or the professors? 

[Robin Mack]

It's fine not to want to date.

But do you really need to write it off assuming it would never work? Humans have an amazing capacity for love, and I'm sure there are many people who would be sexually attracted to you if wanted. There are a lot of pansexual people looking for dates who don't care what type of body. And there are a lot of people of all orientations who want someone they can love for the person they are not for how their body is put together.

I'm not suggesting you date if you're uncomfortable with it, just encouraging you not to write the possibility off completely.

I met my girlfriend (and fiancee) while I was still in denial.  I told her I was gender-queer, and how truly passing/experiencing being a woman was something I needed, something I was working toward.  At the time I honestly thought that if I could be accepted/pass as a woman socially on occasion that I would be OK; that it would sustain me through the rest of my life as a male.

She encouraged me to explore... we went shopping together, she helped me with makeup... she used female pronouns for me when I was in "girl mode", called me her girlfriend...

It was through this exploration that I had a tear-filled epiphany, when I finally came out to myself and all the memories and pain came rushing back from the place I had exiled them to.  Hello, dysphoria, my old friend.  I was honestly afraid, a little, to come out to her, because we'd been treating these two pieces of me as separate entities, and she loved them *both*.  I felt like I was taking away a part of me that she loved, that I was banishing her boyfriend, and that would be terribly painful to her.

She surprised me.  She told me that she loves *me*, and that my parts didn't matter to her.  She is in love with my spirit and my mind, and that she loves my body too... but she doesn't care what parts I have. 

Yes, she is unusual and rare.  It took me my entire life to find her up to now, and I certainly don't intend to let her go.  She is not, however, unique.  I know several people like her, for whom love has little to do with bodies.  It is absolutely amazing how two people in love can work to overcome plumbing issues. 

Keep looking, sisters... he or she is (or they are, for the poly peeps!) out there.  Just don't compromise yourself to keep someone, ever.  I've got waaaay too much experience with that. 

Much love and hugs all around,
Robin