Male Privilege?

[BunnyBee]

I have sooooo many things I want to say, but I am going to excuse myself from this convo because it is a topic that I feel very strongly about and I tend to lose my sh*t, and that is never good for anybody, especially me.

[HoneyStrums]

Yeah im going to have to do much more reasearch on the subject bofer i can contribut further (if i contributed at all). Its becoming perceptively heated and fast becoming argument as aposed to debate.

[jussmoi4nao]

I will just say one thing...in the end, all of this is the product of the way our society worships the idea of an...idealized male. There is is also the idea of an idealized female but she is often subject to as much denigration as adoration.

But. This doesn't mean men are innately more privileged than women. This may seem like the case but it is inaccurate.

The real problem is with how our society is structured around masculinity vs femininity...a standard of masculine behavior that is idolized in our society in contrast with an objectifying, dehumanizing view of femininity.

But...herein lies the problem. What about men who don't appeal to a masculine ideal? Who are feminine and soft or emotionally sensitive? Simply, they, too, are the subject of mistreatmeant and abuse in our society. It's for this reason that women are allowed more expression of masculinity...because a woman that expresses masculinity is seen as appealing to a higher standard. She's told she won't ever measure up but isn't as demeaned for trying. Whereas in the opposite case, with a feminine male, it's seen as an insult and affront to the male ideal.

So everything...the oppressive standards placed on both men aand women...including, like another said, the idea that men can take pain and women can't or whateverelse...it's rooted in our society's obsession with masculinity.

The second we say neither is better than the other and neither should be slapped with ridiculous standards...the second we stop idolizing a traditional view of masculinity..is the second all genders will find equality. It's all rooted in this, fundamentally.

So, in essence, men are discriminated against, YES. But ultimately it's due to sexism against females and femininty and idolizing 'traditional' men and masculinity...it is NOT evident of a wider prejudice posed specifically against men, simply the crappy system that benefits them and harms women coming back to bite poor, unfortunate individuals.

[dalebert]

But it's like everything in the graphic you posted - all this is due to other men. Men kill other men. Men are killed in combat by other men. Men go to work in dangerous occupations because of other men. By contrast, women are killed/abused/assaulted/raped/robbed overwhelmingly by men. Once in a blue moon, you get a woman killer, but usually it's a man.

If you're in a culture where you're more likely to be hired for being a man, in that context, wouldn't you call that privilege? Then why wouldn't you call it privilege when discrimination works in a woman's favor, e.g. less likely to be the victim of a violent crime?

http://www.vocativ.com/underworld/crime/hard-truth-girl-guy-rape/

I still don't understand why you keep saying "men are doing it" in trying to understand privilege. A tiny fraction of men are in leadership roles and a tiny fraction of men are criminals. When you talk about male privilege, I take that to mean that, in GENERAL, males have privilege. So what does that have to do with the huge majority of men who don't have political power and aren't criminals who live in a world that sucks for us in many ways and that is largely beyond our power to change? First off, I would of course agree that in certain contexts men do have privilege, and I would just add that in certain other contexts, women do, and it's important to be honest about that if we want to affect change. Yes, there is male privilege and yes, there is female privilege.

In a world where the average man works to provide for the average woman, does all the dangerous jobs so she don't have to, and even feels obligated to die to protect her if necessary, that's a privileged existence for a woman in those contexts. If a man gets chosen over a woman for a job despite not being as qualified, that a privilege he enjoys in that context. Also, in general, men are treated with more respect than women so that's another context where men enjoy privilege.

This is true, except for the predominantly female voting force part. I wouldn't call a 4-6% difference predominant, and also the candidates that we were allowed to vote for were chosen by men in the 1%, so do you really think that women choose who gets into office as you claim or is it the men in the 1% who provide the candidates that really choose who gets into office?  Ah, context!

I admit that was probably too strong a word. I should have said "majority". But how many women are running for office? I honestly don't know but I'd be very shocked if it's anywhere near how many men are running for office. How many women are applying for sanitation worker? A lot of these factors are influenced by the choices men and women make. To what degree those choices are influenced by gender expectations in our culture and to what extent it is biological is a complicated question. I'd like to think these things can change significantly if we loosen our gender expectations.

That whole diagram is disingenuous and is a great argument if you are someone that likes to ignore context

What's disingenuous about it? I don't have any more power over the tiny fraction of people that make things suck for me as a guy than a woman. Do you think I can dial the phone with my penis and somehow get straight through to my senator who will just do what I want because I'm a fellow dude? Do you think I can just flash my wiener at a mugger and he'll stop because I'm a dude? You're using "context" differently than I am. Maybe the word I should be using is "situations". There are situations in which you will experience privilege as a male, and situations in which you will experience privilege as a female.

Now, it is funny that you ask the reader to ignore the "hard statistical data" and pay attention to context when the data is contrary to your argument

When did I do that? That's what you're doing right now.

but when the "hard statistical data" supports your position, you demand the reader to accept your data without looking at context.

Just explain what's wrong with something I said then. Don't just wave your hand at my carefully crafted post to dismiss it and expect to be taken seriously.

[Kylie]

First let me apologize, I know I can be very abrasive when I debate some topics.  It is something i will probably have to keep in check when i transition as it is less tolerated in women than in men.  Another part of the privilege i will lose.  I will try and explain my major points of contention with your posts, but not all because I hate long posts and I think you are entrenched in your point of view.

In a world where the average man works to provide for the average woman, does all the dangerous jobs so she don't have to, and even feels obligated to die to protect her if necessary, that's a privileged existence for a woman in those contexts.

Gross exaggeration, men and women have an almost equal unemployment rate, women had a lower unemployment rate for the previous 5 years.  They both provide, the woman's contribution is just marginalized as you just did in this quote.  As for dangerous jobs and feeling obligated to die?  How does one debate this?  You can't, so what is the point?  Who knows if the average man feels this?  You don't know this and you can't quanitfy it.  It is a generalization that I suspect isn't true.  That is why I was dismissive of many of your arguments, because they are your opinion presented as facts.  I can't provide you data to say men dont feel obligated to die for women, but I can point out that women are more likely to be assaulted by their intimate partner than a stranger,  I think they are more likely to be killed by an intimate partner as well, but I am not 100% sure about that.  The CDC just put out the stat that 1 in 5 women have been raped in their lifetime, the Arizona dept of human services says that 1 in 4 women will be the victim of domestic violence. Single mothers are very vulnerable to poverty and homelessness. I would say that a lot of men are not nearly as chivalrous as you think they are.  Am I saying that the average male is a rapist, deadbeat dad or wife beater?  No, but this notion of women as some protected, unharmable class is nonsense. (This quote is one example of the generalization, exaggeration and opinion as fact that I took issue with)

What's disingenuous about it?

You use the statistic that men are 3 times more likely to be the victim of homicide as the only "hard data" to substantiate your opinion that the world is a more violent place for men than women.  It is disingenuous because homicides account for 1-2 percent of violent crime.  Possible other context to look at when analyzing this statistic...........men are more aggressive and confrontational, men engage in riskier behaviors than women, men are more likely to carry a gun, men are more likely to join gangs, many women take extra measures for safety to avoid being a victim.  Although an argument can be made that men inherently face more violence, the homicide statistic alone is meaningless in backing the argument. Do you think a mugger or murderer who is thumbing his nose at statutory law will all of a sudden target a man because of some socially accepted law of chivalry not to harm women?  He is a violent criminal!  He is targeting the easiest mark!  I would argue that men put themselves in more dangerous situations, and that women are more cautious of their surroundings.  That is my theory for the higher violence against men, not a fact, my theory.

When did I do that? That's what you're doing right now.

When you presented facts without context as pointed out above ^ and said that the "hard data" says that you are right.  The hard data you presented represents 1-2% of violent crime according to the FBI. And no, I didn't just do that, I said that your analysis was correct, and that you were correct to put the data into context.  Without context, the statistic you cited could be used to say that "men" control congress, when in reality it is a small subset of "wealthy men" that do.  Also, more men commit crimes, but most men are not criminals, you were right to add the context that it is a small percentage of men that commit crimes.  Your context clarified and supported your argument well. The stats in the diagram you posted have context to them as well, they are not clear cut proof of some female privilege in those areas.

[Kylie]

Abby, I think you have it right on.  The term male privilege is very misleading.  it is reserved to those that adhere to the rules of the norm.  Certainly feminine men and some minority men are treated worse than those that are close to the female ideal of our society.  The further one gets from the ideals, the less privilege they have for sure.

[Blue Rabbit]

Abby, I think you have it right on.  The term male privilege is very misleading.  it is reserved to those that adhere to the rules of the norm.  Certainly feminine men and some minority men are treated worse than those that are close to the female ideal of our society.  The further one gets from the ideals, the less privilege they have for sure.

+1

Privilege isn't the right word indeed. I know some people feel it is the right word and males straight up have it better than females.
But it's a two way street they are two different genders and they are treated differently. There are some things that suck about being a guy (Even if you wanna be a guy) too and some things that make women I guess "Privileged" in a way of their own. Don't get me wrong I do completely believe they should be treated the same, but I don't actually believe either gender has it "easier or harder" than the other. Even though some people do believe that.

[Bombadil]

I liked what FA said about markers. I also agree with folks like abby that it's a continuum. The problem with trying to lump anything into a group is there are exceptions. Having said all that, I will bring up a point that hasn't been discussed yet, which is medical care.

"Women having heart attacks are less likely than men to get immediate treatment and more likely to die in the hospital, says a groundbreaking new study that tracked more than 1.1 million patients." USA report (http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/story/health/story/2012-02-21/Women-less-likely-to-get-immediate-heart-attack-treatment/53195656/1)

"The report from Boston's Brigham and Women's Hospital finds fewer women than men are involved in clinical trials on new drugs and medical devices.'(http://commonhealth.wbur.org/2014/03/medical-research-gender-gap)

And for fun, one last article

"The oft-cited study "The Girl Who Cried Pain: A Bias Against Women in the Treatment of Pain" found that women were less likely to receive aggressive treatment when diagnosed, and were more likely to have their pain characterized as "emotional," "psychogenic" and therefore "not real."

Instead of appropriate care for physical pain, this can lead to treatment for mental health issues that might not even exist. The situation is further complicated by the fact that antidepressants are absorbed differently in women and vary in effectiveness, depending on hormonal cycles.

The routine attribution of abdominal pain from conditions like appendicitis or gastrointestinal disease to gynecological problems can also delay or complicate the diagnostic process. A 2008 study published in the journal Academic Emergency Medicine, designed to gauge gender disparities among emergency room patients complaining of abdominal pain, found that even after adjusting for race, class and triage assessment, women were still 13 to 25 percent less likely than men to receive high-strength "opioid" pain medication. Those who did get opioid pain relievers waited an average of 16 minutes longer to receive them." http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/17/opinion/sunday/women-and-the-treatment-of-pain.html?_r=0

These are all articles written in the last 3 years. I didn't even look very hard.

[sad panda]

Abby, I think you have it right on.  The term male privilege is very misleading.  it is reserved to those that adhere to the rules of the norm.  Certainly feminine men and some minority men are treated worse than those that are close to the female ideal of our society.  The further one gets from the ideals, the less privilege they have for sure.

Sorry but I have to disagree. Having privilege is not the same thing as using privilege for your own gains. Privilege is freedom, it is more opportunities, more choices, more prospects, greater raw accessibility, lesser difficulty along the same paths if you chose to take them. Being a man is a privilege whether you gain from it or not. It is a male privilege, not a masculine male privilege, though there are certainly privileges for naturally masculine men as well. But most male privileges apply to and are available to feminine men too. They are privileges earned simply by being perceived as male. Any type of male.

[Kylie]

Sorry but I have to disagree. Having privilege is not the same thing as using privilege for your own gains. Privilege is freedom, it is more opportunities, more choices, more prospects, greater raw accessibility, lesser difficulty along the same paths if you chose to take them. Being a man is a privilege whether you gain from it or not. It is a male privilege, not a masculine male privilege, though there are certainly privileges for naturally masculine men as well. But most male privileges apply to and are available to feminine men too. They are privileges earned simply by being perceived as male. Any type of male.

Are those privileges really available to all men though?  They certainly aren't available equally.  In my experience, gay males and African American males seem to have less opportunities, choices, prospects, etc. than the Caucasian women I know.  Some privileges will always be there, but as they have more difficulties along their paths because of other societal barriers, I kind of feel like lumping them in as part of some chosen crowd is a kinda wrong.   I agree with most of what you said, I just think it applies to Caucasian males "the societal norm or ideal" that adhere to gender roles more than other males.  The further you stray from that, the less you benefit is what I am saying.

[sad panda]

Are those privileges really available to all men though?  They certainly aren't available equally.  In my experience, gay males and African American males seem to have less opportunities, choices, prospects, etc. than the Caucasian women I know.  Some privileges will always be there, but as they have more difficulties along their paths because of other societal barriers, I kind of feel like lumping them in as part of some chosen crowd is a kinda wrong.   I agree with most of what you said, I just think it applies to Caucasian males "the societal norm or ideal" that adhere to gender roles more than other males.  The further you stray from that, the less you benefit is what I am saying.

Sure, but you still benefit from being male. Privilege means, all things being equal, that single factor is a privilege. Being male is a privilege, all things being equal.

So, a white male has privilege over a white female. A black male has privilege over a black female. A gay male has privilege over a gay female. You can still have the disadvantages of being black, gay, or any other deviation from the most privileged combination of factors... but being male itself is a privilege.

And it's true that being feminine loses some of that privilege, because it's essentially being less male, so yah, less male privilege..... but in terms of most male privilege, because our society is extremely binary, that doesn't mean much of anything. It's an M on your resume no matter what kind of M you are, and that will always be a privilege. Just having a male name is a huge privilege. Even just having the ability to pretend to conform to the norm is a privilege over not having the ability to. Just having the ability to make people perceive you as a male. So a female given a male name would actually experience some male privilege, just like a male who can't pass as male, or can't get by without people questioning if he is truly male, would lose some.

But being male itself is absolutely a privilege. That doesn't mean it necessarily matters significantly on an individual level though in the ultimate question of just being happy............ but it does always carry with it a set of advantages that almost all males have access to and almost all females do not. And I would say there are some female privileges too, they just are not as extensive as male privileges because our society definitely is male-biased.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Actually gonna go on a little personal tangent here...

Just to give an example of one thing I had to rethink when it comes to male privilege. And saying "female privilege."

I used to think that women having unquestioned access to both gender's clothes and to makeup and accessories and stuff was sort of a female privilege. But, at that point in time, I had only experienced one side of it. The male side.

Living as a girl definitely changed my view, and now I actually believe that not having access to feminine clothes, accessories, bags, makeup, all that stuff... is actually a MALE privilege.

It's not because men shouldn't have access to those... it's because they are exclusive to women *because* women are objectified in a way that men do not experience. The fact that they are exclusive is due to a male privilege, not a female privilege.

What I mean is... men have the *privilege* of not reasonably having to question their own worth or acceptability based on their commitment to buying and wearing/using a whole host of ornamental clothes, accessories, makeup, shoes, bags, etc. Men do not have to worry about being judged in the way that women are over not wearing makeup, or for trying too hard by wearing makeup, or for having bad fashion sense, or imperfect hair, or imperfect skin, or not accessorizing right, or even just not wanting to use certain grooming products. Or having/wanting to have certain beauty treatments. These things are used as indicators of a woman's validity as a woman, and there is no way for a woman to opt out if she just doesn't enjoy those things, or just doesn't feel like it one day, she is still judged for them. And she still has be aware that she may/will be judged for them.

What I experienced was that, these things went from being something I enjoy to be creative with and wanted to have access to, to something that I actually was required to think about and participate in as an indicator of my worth. The pressure pretty quickly zapped away a lot of the fun. That doesn't mean I don't still like fashion, but I'm just saying that when it comes down to it, it can actually be an incredibly pernicious presence in a woman's inner experience. It is used to evaluate and sometimes invalidate even women who have no interest in it.

So that's an example of a "female privilege" that isn't really even a privilege. There are a lot of things that men don't have access to simply because they are too respected as individuals with complex and deep inner worth.

Sorry for the tangent lol. Just something I was thinking about, not necessarily related to anyone's posts.

[aleon515]

My understanding is that privilege is basically society's "default", and might not really even be that great a word, but it's here. If you are in the default you basically don't need to think about or consider your position (well it might be good if you did, but as a society the expectation is that you don't need to). I actually think the best example of privilege is "flesh colored band aids (plasters)". It's assumed that these are Caucasian-ish flesh colors and if you wanted something else you'd need to search for it. Perhaps it's a bit silly an example, but it shows something about ease of expectations and challenges. Privilege is "stacked" so the "set" really does matter more than one or two individual ones here. Male is default arguably, but not more so than white, middle class, able bodied, cis, straight, Christian (in the US), American, neurotypical, etc. A white straight cis middle class able bodied neurotypical female has very many defaults.


--Jay

[Jess42]

I Think you might be mistaking privilige with priviliged?

The sence of feeling priviliged.

Aka if you were hand picked to reprisent you home town for somthing and recieved an award for inspiring persons of the decade. You might feel priviliged. If that award was presented to mr you wouldnt

No, I know the difference between privilege and being privileged. It's just that I have never experienced male privilege in my life and I was definately not born into one of those privileged families.

Of course being and actually proud of living on the outer fringes of society may indeed have something to do with it too. I am far from the accepeted norms of society, you know 9-5 job, house with a white picket fence, never ever wore a tie in my life and went to my senior prom in ripped up jeans at the knees, and a t shirt.

I definately do not look like the typical middle class american male and looking back may be the reason I have never experienced the "male privilege" deal.

[sad panda]

No, I know the difference between privilege and being privileged. It's just that I have never experienced male privilege in my life and I was definately not born into one of those privileged families.

Of course being and actually proud of living on the outer fringes of society may indeed have something to do with it too. I am far from the accepeted norms of society, you know 9-5 job, house with a white picket fence, never ever wore a tie in my life and went to my senior prom in ripped up jeans at the knees, and a t shirt.

I definately do not look like the typical middle class american male and looking back may be the reason I have never experienced the "male privilege" deal.

You have experienced male privilege as a result of living as male. That doesn't necessarily mean you benefitted from it a lot, but you did experience it. You cannot live and do things as male without experiencing male privilege. I don't see why people push against that. It doesn't mean you are a bad person or anything. :s

Seriously, I experienced male privilege even though I was seriously isolated thru my entire adolescence. I experienced, for example, not reasonably having to worry about whether I would be the victim of a random sexual assault when i went out, or whether most men were only talking to me because they wanted sex from me. Or not having my worth judged on whether or not I wore makeup, my breast size, or how revealing my clothes were. That doesn't mean I went out much or talked to men often, but when I did those things, I had a certain set of privileges for being male, everyone who is perceived as male has them. It doesn't mean i had a good or easy life, it was just one advantage in a long list of advantages and disadvantages.

I had an elementary school education, never had a job in my life, and was seriously undersocialized, that doesn't mean I can say i experienced no male privilege. I did.

[Tysilio]

What I mean is... men have the *privilege* of not reasonably having to question their own worth or acceptability based on their commitment to buying and wearing/using a whole host of ornamental clothes, accessories, makeup, shoes, bags, etc. Men do not have to worry about being judged in the way that women are over not wearing makeup, or for trying too hard by wearing makeup, or for having bad fashion sense, or imperfect hair, or imperfect skin, or not accessorizing right, or even just not wanting to use certain grooming products. Or having/wanting to have certain beauty treatments. These things are used as indicators of a woman's validity as a woman, and there is no way for a woman to opt out if she just doesn't enjoy those things, or just doesn't feel like it one day, she is still judged for them. And she still has be aware that she may/will be judged for them.

This is exactly right. I basically had to "opt out" of all that, because it has always been too painful for me to wear women's clothes. I just can't do it -- not even women's trousers or underwear. And that has affected my entire life: I could never "pass" as sufficiently female to be a socially acceptable one.

As a trans guy, I feel way more comfortable, but I'm not expecting a lot of "male privilege" as compared to "trans non-privilege."  For one thing, I wasn't raised to expect it.

Men in this culture are just raised to take up more space than women, socially as well as physically.

[Bombadil]

Perhaps it would be good to separate the idea of advantage. As a male, it may not felt like an advantage. In fact, as a trans person, you may have felt disadvantage. The thing with priviledge in the way it's used for male/white/etc privilege is that if it's functioning there's a good chance you won't know.

You won't know, that when you went to the mechanic, you were given a cheaper rate and a more complete explanation. When you go to the doctor for headaches, you won't know that the doctor listened more closely and did more tests. You won't know that when you walked to your car after the movie, you weren't verbally harassed by a group of guys. How can you know? Unless you did the exact same thing as a female you won't experience it as privilege.

And I know that some of you are saying, but I have been harassed walking to my car. And I agree, there is also a masculine privilege and you know that because you've experienced the lack of it. If some masculine guy came here saying, how he's grown up poor and native american and he hasn't experience masculine privilege the same argument holds true. He hasn't felt the benefits of masculine privilege but he's experienced it.

And for all you trans-ladies, none of us are doubting that your experience as a guy was lousy. None of us are judging you for being a MAAB

[Jess42]

You know, I think that I can sum up the whole "male" privilege and "female" privilege with one saying: The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. For those of us that are M2F, we, or at least I would give anything to have that "female" privilege, worrying about clothing trends, makeup, hair and everything else that ciswomen may find to be a pain in the butt. On the other hand those of us that are F2M I can't really say for sure, but would probably give anything to have that "male" privilege of not to have to worry about how thier hair looks, or applying makeup or what shoes are trendy and so on.

Regardless of what side your on, 'privilege' is much like beauty in that it is in the eye of the beholder and what your perceptions are of that privilege. Like I said, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but grass always grows greener over a sewer. I don't see male privilege as a privilege as much as a living hell. I'm sure that F2M, although I can't speak for them but dare to guess, see female privilege as the same.

This is just my opinion but I believe what we are calling male and female privilege isn't really privilege at all but rather what we desire the most and that is being and experiencing our prefered gender no matter how much of a pain in the butt it is. To me it is just another part of GID.

[sad panda]

You know, I think that I can sum up the whole "male" privilege and "female" privilege with one saying: The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. For those of us that are M2F, we, or at least I would give anything to have that "female" privilege, worrying about clothing trends, makeup, hair and everything else that ciswomen may find to be a pain in the butt. On the other hand those of us that are F2M I can't really say for sure, but would probably give anything to have that "male" privilege of not to have to worry about how thier hair looks, or applying makeup or what shoes are trendy and so on.

Regardless of what side your on, 'privilege' is much like beauty in that it is in the eye of the beholder and what your perceptions are of that privilege. Like I said, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but grass always grows greener over a sewer. I don't see male privilege as a privilege as much as a living hell. I'm sure that F2M, although I can't speak for them but dare to guess, see female privilege as the same.

This is just my opinion but I believe what we are calling male and female privilege isn't really privilege at all but rather what we desire the most and that is being and experiencing our prefered gender no matter how much of a pain in the butt it is. To me it is just another part of GID.

The grass may be greener all things considered but male privilege is real. Dismissing it is harmful and only perpetuates it... :/

It doesn't stop being an advantage just because you don't like being male. You, for example, don't start having to worry about being raped by your own family members just because you don't like being male. You wouldn't stop being treated like a responsible, respectable human being even if you resented the fact that people won't objectify you for your tits and ass.

[Kylie]

No need to apologize sad panda, your tangent added a very important insight to the debate.  I see what you are saying, and I agree with it 100%. I think we just have two different paths of focus when talking about it once other reasons for discrimination enter in.  My point of view I guess comes from who I present as at the moment.  I present as a fairly attractive, athletic, educated, heterosexual, white male, and right now, I am coming to terms with becoming the "other" if I transition (Another reason I found your insight valuable and important). Some days i feel scared about losing it, and other days I feel very guilty, like i have a duty to come out and be counted with my fellow trans people.  Whether i transition or not, I am beginning to feel as though it is not right to silently accept the privileges while others suffer discrimination.  I know I have benefitted from male privilege so much more than a feminine male or an African American male, so I can guess my focus on their experience is in the discrimination they face which often negates or goes beyond any benefit they might experience.  You are right though, in many respects it is still there.  I just hate to lump them in with me, because I know I have it so much easier.

[Jess42]

The grass may be greener all things considered but male privilege is real. Dismissing it is harmful and only perpetuates it... :/

It doesn't stop being an advantage just because you don't like being male. You, for example, don't start having to worry about being raped by your own family members just because you don't like being male. You wouldn't stop being treated like a responsible, respectable human being even if you resented the fact that people won't objectify you for your tits and ass.

On the contrary sad panda, males can get just as sexually ojectified as females, male children are just as apt to be molested by their own family members too. I have a good friend this happened to and it messed him up just as bad as it would a female. I actually had to talk him out of suicide. It's in the news all the time, ask any CPS worker if it happens to male children. Ask me if it happens because I myself was molested when I was 12 by a stepbrother that was in his twenties because I was "pretty" like a girl. So there you go. Never talked about it, never told anyone, dealt with it the best way that I could because I was supposedly a male and was forced to (just fill in the blanks, cause I still can't say what he did and made me do) by another male and in no way at that time could I have dared mentioned it. Not just one time either. Hell I tried blocking it out of my own mind because I was so freakin' ashamed. Not to mention what may happen from him if I did tell anyone. Just another twelve year old runaway whose bones they may find twenty years later while building a new subdivision. What sux about the whole deal is if I would have been 16 or 17 it may have been something consensual since no blood relation involved, but it was taken and nothing consensual about it just innocence lost. So yeah, for several months I had to worry about being "raped" by a family member, until he moved out and thank god far away.