Compensating?

[Mr.X]

First of all, this is how I personally feel. So please don't think I see any of you as lesser men. It is just about how I feel about myself, and no one else.

Ever since I started to transition, I have felt like I'll never be able to compete with the lucky bastards who were born with those wanted xy chromosomes. I'll always be lacking to some extend. Either in height, strength, bodily features, genitals....You name it.

So lately, I have been obsessed with the one thing I can control: My weight and muscles. I got a feeling that if I ever wish to attract a gay man, I will have to be at my best because I already have so many shortcomings. So I work out every day, jog almost every day, and try to become as lean as possible without becoming a bodybuilder.

I was wondering if any of you feel the same way. Do you feel the need to try to be good at the things you do control, to compensate for the things that you can not control? Maybe I am just pathetic.

[King Malachite]

yes and no

I only compensated by having aggressiveness.  Things like working out and all that.....nah I didn't overly work out. If anything, my mentality was, "well, this body sucks anyways so why even go through that?"  I wanted to be seen as the tough guy though so I did things in school that I thought would make me seem tough (i.e telling people to hurt me and I'd feel no pain, bashing my head with a text book multiple times, which by the way I felt that later on that night, struting around, making my face look tougher etc.)

Nowadays I know I can't compete with males OR females, especially since my BMI is like over 40.  They can keep their pissing contests.

Keep in mind I'm not in transition but when I do, I'm still not going to compete.  I'll probably have so many health problems by then that I'll be unable to compete. 

[Adam (birkin)]

I used to feel that way, like I'd have to work out and get super ripped and whatnot to attract girls since I don't have a penis. But that went away real fast after some time on T - once my fat redistributed to a male pattern (making me look like a fat guy instead of a fat girl) I got over it. If someone wants to get hung up on my genitals, which are a small part of my body, that's their problem and I don't want to be with them anyway. Plus one day I'll get a phallo.

[Joe.]

I wanted to be seen as the tough guy though so I did things in school that I thought would make me seem tough (i.e telling people to hurt me and I'd feel no pain, bashing my head with a text book multiple times, which by the way Ielt that later on that night, struting around, making my face look tougher etc.)

This. I tried to be seen as the tough guy, pretending nothing would hurt me and trying to act like a 'man'. Really I was just an angry kid that got into a couple of fights. I didn't want to be seen as a little girl so tried to act the big man. I have never over compensated by working out though, but I did over compensate by being angry all the time.

[Zambie]

Yes and no. While I have no interest in improving my body in the present, since I'm gonna change it anyway, when it does start to change I'm gonna be all over that. Well, until I level out and reach an equilibrium at least. I could probably do endearing tough guy, but reaching body builder levels of ripped just ain't me.

One thing of note is that, because I am mostly into guys (homoflexible I guess you could call me), I've been dealing with a crapload of pressure to get bottom surgery. Not directly from other people, but from my own lack of confidence in the downstairs department, and from the attitude toward guys like me I have observed in the general gay population. I'm aware that not everyone is like that and I wouldn't want to associate with folks who are, but I do entertain the idea of going as stealth as I possibly can and passing off certain unique qualities of my otherwise average-sized (or possibly bigger-than-average-sized ) nether regions as the byproduct of a hormonal problem/accident/alien abduction. I doubt I'll actually do it once I start T and am hopefully more at home in my own skin, but it's still fun to imagine the possibilities I suppose.

[Mr.X]

Thanks for the replies, guys. Looks like I'm not the only one who's trying to compensate, even though it may be in a different way than others.

I guess I'm also trying to change what I can, just to show the world I'm a man, even though I know I don't have to. There are so many different shapes and sizes of men, after all. But still I feel this need. After giving it some thought, I think it is all about control. I do not control growing a penis or a few inches in height, but I do control what I eat, or when I work out, or in your cases how tough you are. So that makes us feel better.

Another reason to compensate is, as mentioned, to attract men. I know it is not all about looks, but first impressions are. In order to get that chance to get to know someone, you need to pass the first 'looks' barrier. And the gay community is rather looks based. So yes, I may not be a six foot tall handsome stud, but I do try to be in shape. And this:

One thing of note is that, because I am mostly into guys (homoflexible I guess you could call me), I've been dealing with a crapload of pressure to get bottom surgery

Is very much part of the problem. The gay community seems a little more shallow than the straight or lesbian one. Or maybe I am just biased?

[gentle]

I used to try to compensate for things about myself that I felt were not masculine enough be being a total douchebag. I think it was a self-security thing, because I thought if I acted like the freaking buttercup inside me, people would think I wasn't "manly enough". I wish I had the motivation to work out more, but my life is stupid right now, and even the possibility of being in shape and reducing the size of the fat bags on my chest doesn't motivate me.

[AdamMLP]

I used to compensate, and in some ways still do, but more in the way I act.  It's not a thing I do to prove that I'm manly to anyone else like it used to be though, it's for me.  If a cis guy can do something, then why shouldn't I be able to do it that well?  Of course, the rational part of me knows that that's not fair, because I neither have T in my body, or the weight behind me when I'm doing things like filing or sawing.