While I cannot speak for your situation, I can tell you what helped me. Long ago and far away, I myself could not tell where I was in the spectrum. I knew where I thought I belonged, but I was too dammed scared to make that move, so I thought maybe I could take things part way and be happy. I had built up a preconceived notion that a TS woman was some mythical boy who was raised as a girl and was always pretty and feminine, etc etc etc. I never thought in a million years that I was a typical run of the mill candidate. So I needed some help deciding although at the time I didn't know that was what I was doing. I just wanted to know there were other people like me and hang out with them for support. This way I knew I wasn't nuts.
I joined a crossdresser group and gave it a whirl. There are 2 kinds of CDer I found. The ones deeply in the closet and afraid to walk out the front door, and the ones who like to go out and do things. From the start I knew I wasn't a fit. I just couldn't get all dressed and sit around and talk about the red sox. Likewise I didn't want to get dressed up and go to a gay bar at night. I really wanted to be where every one else was, in the mall, walking through a park, going to the movies, what have you. My attempt at defining myself as a CDer was a doomed proposition. I found I liked being around the TG and TS women more and there was a better fit. Plus I really really loved being out, being myself and doing things in the real world. It wasn't scary to me to be that way, I felt natural and normal being out.
Taking the giant step of the gender transition took me a few years of soul searching eventually to me leading almost a double life. The more I was around other ts women and admired them for their clear faces and lack of facial hair and long hair and painted nails, and feminine names, and let's not forget the courage(!) the more I knew that was what I wanted. So I drew up my plans. The next part for me was hard, that all important therapy step. Eventually I summoned up the courage and made my move. I was afraid that because of my association with the CDing world that I wouldn't be taken seriously and would be denied surgery and hormones. But it turned out that wasn't even a factor in the equation. I controlled the transition and I could make it operate at any speed I wanted fast or slow. When my day finally came, I can tell you I was pretty much like everyone else. I wanted it all done today! Of course once I started to realize how much all this surgery was going to cost I knew this was going to take years, never mind the hundreds of hours of electrolysis spread out over about 3 years.
I can tell you this though. In my years I have run into a pretty good number of post transitioned women such as myself. There is a recurring theme that occurs over and over. It's called the transsexual imperative. It was this one thing that I and others like me were destined to do. When it hits, it just happens all by itself. I almost felt like I was outside of myself and watching me change. There was no control, it was like my whole life was to that point just a precursor to doing this one thing, and once I started it, it was like a perpetual motion machine that took off on it's own. When it was all done, it was then I realized that everything I knew about myself in life, that I should have been born a female, was true. I wasn't dreaming it up, it wasn't a passing fancy, it was a life long thing I knew about myself, until finally one day the changes happened all by itself.
I know that my favorite day of the whole thing was the day I went full time. It was awesome. I felt like I was unleashed into the world as a brand new person, but one with no social skills whatsoever! I had a lot and I mean a LOT of growing up to do. But here I am today, having lived full time for the last 12 years and post-op for the last 10, and I am still a happy camper! Hope that helps!
