being labled as gay?

[kg85621]

now no one has ever called me gay or bi because no one has ever thought about me that way. I know I want to have sex with a man and be the bottom. some people would call this gay or bi. I don't like that idea. the idea of being called gay bothers me because I don't feel like a gay man. Has anyone had these issues prior to transitioning? I know I need to see and talk to someone. just trying to get some more insight from everyone

[Jill F]

Sounds like internal homophobia to me.  So I'm a lesbian now who occasionally fantasizes about Dave Navarro.  Once you're out as trans, you're already beyond queer anyway.  Embrace it.

[Jessica Merriman]

Jill is right baby. If you are MtF this will be a subject you will have to make peace with yourself. I always since age 7 felt like a female in a male body. As such I only had sex later in life with females as it was demanded by parents, friends, etc. Since starting HRT I have found my attraction is toward men. I do not know if this was buried under the intense programming I was subjected to all of the years past or my true need. I have finally accepted this fact and made peace with it. You really have to get over the "what does everyone else think" mentality. You will not be able to transition, if that is your plan, without acceptance of who you are. Hope this helps some. PM me if you need to talk more about this. BIG HUG!! 

[Kaylee]

Remember, you're not actually gay if you're MTF.

I used to consider myself quite straight (apart from kissing a few male friends while drunk for a laugh). 

When I started transitioning I thought I would be gay, but it turns out out that Channing Tatum and Kit Harington decided I wasn't allowed to be 100% lesbian, now I don't really care who I like or what people label me as.  I'm just me and thats that.

You can be gay/straight/everything in between, even change your mind if you want!  It doesn't matter what other people think, you're you, thats all that counts and that's fantastic!

So I'm a lesbian now who occasionally fantasizes about Dave Navarro.

Hadn't seen any pics of him since starting hrt, I see what you mean! (shame he only did One Hot Minute with the Chilis, it was awesome and they got a bit gish after that...)

[Northern Jane]

That was a strange topic when I was young! As a supposed male, attracted to boys, a shrink pronounced me Gay to my parents at age 15 even though I told him I was/needed to be a girl - but that was the 1950s and shrinks are idiots anyway LOL! Most people just didn't get that being transsexual was about your relationship with YOURSELF, not about who you are attracted to.

It was bloody awkward because there was a boy I was very much in love with at 13 who was also very attracted to me but he was so afraid of being labelled "Gay" that he would never do anything about it and that was  an incredible tension we lived with for nearly 10 years.

I always considered myself straight (as a girl) and found the idea of being with another girl strange, very unpalatable. That didn't happen until a couple of years after transition and SRS and involved a large amount of alcohol. That REALLY threw me for a loop and took me a long time to adjust to but I came to realize that my sexuality wasn't as "hard and fast" as I thought. I am still 95% attracted to guys but I have my weak moments LOL! Really, there is a world of difference between being with a man and being with another woman. I find the former to be HOT and the latter to be very tender with a different type of intimacy.

[Sephirah]

now no one has ever called me gay or bi because no one has ever thought about me that way. I know I want to have sex with a man and be the bottom. some people would call this gay or bi. I don't like that idea. the idea of being called gay bothers me because I don't feel like a gay man. Has anyone had these issues prior to transitioning? I know I need to see and talk to someone. just trying to get some more insight from everyone

That's the important part, hon. Sometimes how we see ourselves is so out of kilter with the way our current anatomy suggests we should be, that it's these cues that one should listen to in our own minds when determining who we actually are.

Suppose you took the word "gay" out of the emboldened sentence, would it still hold true?

[KabitTarah]

Lesbian, Gay, Bi... doesn't really matter to me. I'm trans, but my sexuality has moved from straight-(as male) to curious-(as female).

Personally, I hope they're thinking I'm questioning or coming out gay... it will make coming out transgender easier (it worked with family... and will probably work at work too). I'm not actively looking for that title... but most people won't assume I'm part of the transgender label, at least not without passing through the gay label first.

[TaoRaven]

If you're MTF, you're not a "gay man"....

I know I am not. I'm a bi-sexual woman, who tends to lean more toward straight. Once in a while a woman will attract me, but most of the time I am drooling over straight guys

I have a lot of male gay friends, but I don't find them attractive, and never have. I am not attracted to gay men, likely because I am not one. I am a woman.

[E-Brennan]

Once you're out as trans, you're already beyond queer anyway.  Embrace it.

This is the quote of the week for me.  If being called "gay" was the worst thing I had to worry about, I'd be elated!   

[Alainaluvsu]

Worrying about your sexuality is so overrated

[Lauren5]

I was labelled gay throughout high school and middle school, I didn't really know why. I do have some sexual attraction to men, but overall I have very little sexual attraction at all. I only found out a week ago that our was due to my feminine mannerisms and body language that I was totally unaware of. For at least that reason, it makes me happy because period see me as somewhat feminine. It does make me upset when I say something like I don't like Taylor Swift's music, and I get a reply like "imfg you don't think Taylor Swift is hot you're not a real man you must be gay"
So, overall, I don't mind it right now. It's just a label, labels can be replaced, and I'm looking at doing so right now.

[Chaos]

There are many misconceptions in the more *ignorant* community that confuses gender with orientation *mostly in the gay community* but instead of asking *whats your orientation?* (for the purpose of NOT misplacing someone and over all knowledge) they automatically place one into a group.This is higher among the Trans* community because many look at physical appearance.Aside from the fact that MtF are less accepted because society teachs us HOW a *real male* should be (which is messed up mind you) I myself know for a fact that i am straight as a FtM,and that i am just in the wrong body-period and my thoughts on anyone who says other wise is *knowledge is power* All that matters is whats up here *taps his brain* whats between your legs does not determine your orientation or your *real* gender (in my opinion)

[Heather]

It doesn't bother me when I am called gay, people have called me that my whole life. I really don't like labels though and I find it weird when I talk to other trans women and they are like oh your straight? And ask me all kinds of questions about what it's like to be attracted to men. But overall I am a woman but I don't mind people thinking I'm gay I don't see it as a negative as some people do.

[Sibila]

I dont care that I am seen as gay... I just dont like it when my straight boyfriends get that label. That sucks. I have thick skin.  And this also makes it hard to get into serious relationships with men.

[KabitTarah]

It doesn't bother me when I am called gay, people have called me that my whole life. I really don't like labels though and I find it weird when I talk to other trans women and they are like oh your straight? And ask me all kinds of questions about what it's like to be attracted to men. But overall I am a woman but I don't mind people thinking I'm gay I don't see it as a negative as some people do.

Those trans women may be questioning... I might ask the same thing (I wouldn't... but I could) because I think that maybe I am... just that I'm not. That doesn't make any sense - but it's how my mind works on my own sexuality right now. It's something I'll experiment with (alone :p) but also something that needs to take the way-way-back seat on my transition bus.

There are many misconceptions in the more *ignorant* community that confuses gender with orientation *mostly in the gay community* but instead of asking *whats your orientation?* (for the purpose of NOT misplacing someone and over all knowledge) they automatically place one into a group.This is higher among the Trans* community because many look at physical appearance.Aside from the fact that MtF are less accepted because society teachs us HOW a *real male* should be (which is messed up mind you) I myself know for a fact that i am straight as a FtM,and that i am just in the wrong body-period and my thoughts on anyone who says other wise is *knowledge is power* All that matters is whats up here *taps his brain* whats between your legs does not determine your orientation or your *real* gender (in my opinion)

This whole "real male" and "masculine ideal" business, and the fact that femininity is a negative trait, are the things I hate about modern western society. Still... women have it better here than in most places in the world.

[Jenna Marie]

I had a funny moment early on with my mom where she said she did wonder if I was gay when I was younger, and I pointed out that I *am,* just not how she thought. (I'm actually bisexual, but it's easier to let her think I'm lesbian than explain that too - and it's moot as I'm married.)

[Heather]

Those trans women may be questioning... I might ask the same thing (I wouldn't... but I could) because I think that maybe I am... just that I'm not. That doesn't make any sense - but it's how my mind works on my own sexuality right now. It's something I'll experiment with (alone :p) but also something that needs to take the way-way-back seat on my transition bus.

This whole "real male" and "masculine ideal" business, and the fact that femininity is a negative trait, are the things I hate about modern western society. Still... women have it better here than in most places in the world.

Well most of them are just curious and most would never dream of being with a man. And btw I don't mind answering questions I just find the whole "She's straight" thing I always hear funny. Especially after I spent most of my youth wondering if I was gay because of my attraction to men. 

[crowcrow223]

Worrying about your sexuality is so overrated

Right? XD Less labels, more dancing, girls!

However, I'll admit that, when you're early in transition, you're scared, your situation is very unstable, you don't know what to do, not only have you got a lot of real-life issues, but a bunch of crap inside of you, as a result of living for I don't know, 5-10-15-20 years in a male role, and as a result you can get pretty upset by people calling you gay, or even get intimidated by effeminate gay men as they may be more feminine than you are, but you know what? It gets better and you will be laughing soon at that

[KabitTarah]

Right? XD Less labels, more dancing, girls!

I liked the rest of your post too... but I couldn't help but think that if you'd lose a comma you'd have your sexuality all figured out.

Less labels, more dancing girls!

[Chaos]

This whole "real male" and "masculine ideal" business, and the fact that femininity is a negative trait, are the things I hate about modern western society. Still... women have it better here than in most places in the world.

i agree 100% and thats what i ment.