I am writing this because I have this duality and sadness that has come with the knowledge I feel I have gained since transitioning four years ago. I am 22, a college student a year out from starting law school, and I am fortunate enough to pass extremely well; my co-workers and many of my friends don't know. I know it seems irrational to come to the conclusion that I have, but I wonder what its going to be like to live my life....forever single. I know that some people have success, and I have no problem getting an attractive and kind man, but unfortunately I doubt I will ever have what most people have. I have accepted that in other areas, but I find myself alone on a Saturday night, despite having a relatively full social life majority of the time, and thinking about how low the chances are that I'll ever find a relationship. I never used to want a relationship but since making some major life changes, going back and excelling in college, being independent and working as a gymnastics coach, and ultimately living a normal city girl life - I've been dating and realizing that normalcy and openness in a relationship (guy brings girl around friends and family) is so unlikely. Not only that, I guess I just am not sure that despite being on a track to a successful career, if I will find a joyous life...I'm sure I am not the only one. I also want to say that I am happy being single, but I wonder if the joys of DINK/yuppiedom will be enough for me...of course altruism and pursuing positive interests are secure locks into deeper meaning, but I have that feeling that I am longing for something that simply cannot be. Writing this has helped, actually. Thoughts? Thanks.
